


If You Want Love

by jojo_kenobi



Series: Last Request [3]
Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Elliot works for E Corp, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-14 21:57:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 71,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13016973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojo_kenobi/pseuds/jojo_kenobi
Summary: Elliot and Tyrell have been fooling around for a couple of months now, but things don't suddenly seem so easy anymore when Elliot starts overthinking their affair.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Can be read separately from the previous fics, but it takes place six months after "Fight or Flight, Elliot?".

Elliot hated Christmas. He just absolutely loathed it. All the fake happiness, as if everyone just forgot about their problems simply because they lit up scented candles and played "Last Christmas" on repeat.  
  
But that was before he had drunken mulled wine. Or "Glühwein", how the Germans called it. He had lost track of how many it had been, but right now, he was drunk as hell.  
  
Tyrell and the other colleagues had dragged him to the Berliner Christmas Fair at Gendarmenmarkt, seeing that this was their last evening of the business trip that had lasted almost two weeks. 12 days that he had spent with Tyrell, almost constantly together. They had made a game out of whom could stand to keep away for the longest, but neither of them had been able to stay in their own hotel room for too long in the evenings. Mostly Tyrell gave in first and came over, though. Elliot was quite proud that he wasn't the clingier one of them. This meant he had won another one of their games; he made a mental note to rub this in Tyrell's face later.  
  
Right now, Elliot was freezing his ass off, standing next to Tyrell at a round table in front of a little booth that sold hot cocoa (which Tyrell had preferred to drink with a shot of… something alcoholic Elliot didn't remember) and Glühwein. Some of their colleagues from the cybersecurity department were opposite of them and talked about which sightseeings they had meant to see in Berlin but hadn't managed.  
  
"I forgot about the East Side Gallery," Martin grumbled just now, earned a groan from the guy next to him. Elliot was too drunk to remember what his name was, had never really cared that much. If Tyrell knew about that, he'd probably be annoyed and remind him that after working at Evil Corp for over eight months, it was just embarrassing for him not to know his colleagues. But Elliot was focused on Tyrell for 99% of his time at work anyway; anyone else at this company didn't matter to Elliot. He wasn't going to tell Tyrell about that, though. His boss would probably be torn between being smug and acting exasperated.  
  
So Elliot kept his mouth shut and rather focused on the two people that he actually knew; those being Tyrell, obviously, and Martin. That guy had always been nice to him, especially this week. He had even saved the last coffee for them on those days when Tyrell and he had arrived late at the conference room because Elliot had overslept.  
  
"It's not that cool," Tyrell gave back to Martin.  
  
"What, did you see it?" Martin asked. Elliot nodded, as if it was natural for him and Tyrell to go on sightseeing trips. Of course it hadn't been Elliot's idea. Tyrell had proposed that they should go out and explore the city on their first evenings together. Elliot had argued that they could rather stay in and spend the nights fucking, but everything had been as it always was - Tyrell wanted something, so he pushed until he got it.  
  
The only thing that Elliot hadn't allowed him was holding hands in public. "This is Berlin, Elliot. No one here cares about us," Tyrell had said when Elliot had pulled his hand away from Tyrell, shoved it into the pocket of his hoodie so it was out of reach for Tyrell. "We're not a couple," Elliot had reminded him. Tyrell had pouted, but accepted it without another question. Because even though they had been fooling around for about half a year now, that was just it. Tyrell was still married without the intention of changing that and Elliot kept quiet about their affair. It was fine as it was; there was no need for them to change anything. That's what Elliot told himself every time his heart ached when Tyrell slipped out late at night and when he touched him briefly during the day, pretending it was accidental but both of them knowing better.  
  
Elliot tried to snap out of his thoughts before they turned too dark again and focused onto the conversation. There was no one talking anymore, though. Tyrell was looking down at him right now and Elliot took another sip of his Glühwein.  
  
"Are you alright?" Tyrell asked, smiled his soft smile for him. The one that was purely reserved for Elliot… at least, that's what he wanted to believe. Elliot didn't know if Tyrell smiled at Joanna with that adoration as well. Imagining that stung a little. _Don't. Don't think of his wife. You know you'll just feel like shit again._  
  
"Yeah, just... drunk," Elliot gave back, smirked back at him. He didn't know why, but he let his head drop onto Tyrell's shoulder. He expected Tyrell to tense immediately, or to scold him, but he didn't react at all. As if this was perfectly normal for them to do, as if he enjoyed this. Maybe he did. Maybe. But Tyrell was probably just as drunk as Elliot was.  
  
Whatever it was, Elliot decided to stop caring. He closed his eyes to rest for a moment and enjoyed the warmth that radiated off of Tyrell.  
  
"And tired," Tyrell added.  
  
"And cold," Elliot mumbled. He let go of his cup and wanted to shove his hands into his pockets, missed one and stuck it into Tyrell's jacket by accident, kept it there. Elliot felt Tyrell's keys in his pockets, closed his fingers around the little tag that had the name of the hotel engraved. His knuckles brushed against a lighter as well… why was that in there? Elliot pulled it out and used it to light a cigarette for himself. Only then did Elliot notice that it was one of his own, actually.  
  
"And here I thought there was no exception to the no-touching rule," someone commented. Elliot's eyes snapped open and he frowned at the guy opposite of him, was met by a taunting grin by Jensen. If it would've been someone else, he would have flipped him off. But Jensen was Martin's boss and he teased Tyrell and him on a daily basis, for whatever reason Elliot hadn't grasped until now. Maybe he was jealous that Tyrell had been Interim CTO once, instead of him. Whatever, Elliot didn't care about such pettiness between colleagues.  
  
"No, there isn’t," Elliot slurred, but it took him a few moments to regain enough strength to lift his head up and stand straight on his own again. If he wouldn't be drunk, he would probably be embarrassed now. Instead, he just wished Tyrell would throw his arms around him so Elliot could lean against his chest. Then he'd not only be warmer, but comfortable as well. _Jesus_. He was really kind of wasted when he craved Tyrell's touch. Normally Tyrell was the one of them who couldn't keep his hands to himself.  
  
"Yeah, like we're going to believe that now," Jensen answered and laughed. "Hey guys, Elliot got over his touch-phobia! Everyone give him a hug!"  
  
And before Elliot knew what was happening, the rest of his colleagues turned to him and got closer. "No," he murmured, wanted to get away but there was no room for him to back away. There were too many people around them who shoved him back as soon as Elliot stepped out of their circle. He couldn't escape. _Shit_. Panic kicked in and Elliot gasped for air while his heart sped up. _Fuck, fuck, fuck -_  
  
"Behave yourselves, boys," Tyrell spoke up, but none of them listened. So when the closest colleague actually tried to pull Elliot into a hug, Tyrell got ahold of Elliot first and pulled him to his chest, held him there with one arm and stuck the other one out to hold the guy out of reach. Elliot buried his face in Tyrell's jacket and slung his arms around him out of instinct. He distantly heard the others laugh and suppressed a groan. At least they seemed to be backing off again.  
  
Because of Tyrell, Elliot was safe. _Thank you._  
  
"Uh-huh, someone's possessive here," someone commented.  
  
"Yeah, sorry, we didn't know Elliot was your property," Jensen agreed.  
  
_Fuck off._  
  
"Well, that's too bad. Now you know," Tyrell deadpanned, but he quickly added a chuckle to take the edge out of it. His chest vibrated and Elliot focused on that, even managed to feel the beating of Tyrell's heart, which seemed to synch with the speed of his own. Or maybe Elliot was just imagining that; he was drunk, after all.  
  
"What, do we get a warning if we get to close to him now?" another one chimed in. Elliot sighed and reluctantly let go of Tyrell again. By now it was starting to become awkward to be in such an intimate position in front of the others. They still had a reputation to lose. At least, Tyrell did. The 'straight and happily married Senior Vice President of Technology of E Corp'. Elliot almost scoffed.  
  
"You might," Tyrell joked, but Elliot knew him good enough to know that he'd really do that. He took another drag of his cigarette, then emptied his cup of Glühwein.  
  
"I think I'm just gonna leave, now," Elliot spoke up. Maybe Tyrell would come with him? Elliot glanced up to him.  
  
"Oh, come on, we didn't mean it like that! We were just kidding, Elliot," someone answered.  
  
"Leave it, Jackson," Tyrell intervened again, before he met his gaze. "You sure you can manage that on your own?"  
  
"I can take care of myself," he gave back with a frown, but then he caught Tyrell's lips tremble. _Oh. Wait._ Did Tyrell want him to pretend that he needed his help, so he could go back to the hotel with him? Fuck. He had messed that up now.  
  
Or maybe he hadn't. Elliot let go of the table, took a few steps and then tripped on purpose, laughed about it louder than he ever would on his own. _Jeez_ , he would be embarrassed about that tomorrow.  
  
"Elliot, the exit is the other way," Martin chuckled.  
  
"I'm coming with you. You've had a little too many, don't you think?" Tyrell asked. A second later, Tyrell slung an arm around his shoulder to steady him.  
  
"Yeah, you better take care of your property, Tyrell. Don't want anyone to damage it, huh?" Jensen chimed in.  
  
Elliot heard Tyrell drew a sharp breath, felt his grip around him tighten. Elliot tried not to squirm, but rather elbowed him lightly so Tyrell would get that he was hurting him.  
  
"Watch it," Tyrell snarled, but Jensen just laughed it off.  
  
"Come on, he's not worth it" Elliot mumbled to him. He knew how easy Tyrell lost his temper when he was sober, but he absolutely didn't want to find out if that happened even quicker with alcohol in his system.  
  
"Enjoy the rest of your evening, gentlemen," Tyrell said to the others, before he let Elliot pull him forward. _Finally_.

 

|~|

 

"I stole the cup."  
  
Elliot stared at the empty cup in his hand. He must have shoved it into the inside of his jacket before they had left the Christmas Fair.  
  
"You did what?" Tyrell asked, turned around to him. They were climbing the stairs to get out of the subway station right now. Elliot held up the blue cup and Tyrell laughed, shook his head.  
  
"That's why they put pledges on those things," he remarked with a snort.  
  
"I didn't mean to steal it," Elliot answered truthfully, but Tyrell kept laughing at him. Elliot snuck the cup back into the pocket he had pulled it from. Tyrell was already waiting for him upstairs, so Elliot ran up the rest of them to catch up. On the last step Elliot tripped and fell forwards. Elliot's heart skipped a beat and he braced himself for the impact. Just before his hands met the ground, Tyrell caught him.  
  
"Careful," Tyrell mumbled and Elliot glanced up to him.  
  
"Thanks," Elliot whispered, still a little out of breath.  
  
Tyrell lifted him back up and held him even when Elliot was sure he could stand on his own again. Their lips were just inches away from each other now.  
  
"Can I-" Tyrell started, but Elliot just went ahead and kissed him. Tyrell tasted of cinnamon and chocolate and _fuck_ , his face was ice-cold but Elliot couldn't care less.  
  
"Remind me again how much you hate PDA?" Tyrell grinned when they parted.  
  
"Must be the Glühwein," Elliot explained. Tyrell gave him a peck on his nose, before he grabbed his hand and pulled him along. Elliot told himself that the only reason why he allowed this was because this might get him warmer. Not because he liked the illusion that they seemed to belong to each other. Absolutely not. That'd be ridiculous.  
  
"You've never had Glühwein before?" Tyrell asked.  
  
Elliot had no clue where they were because everything was dark but the string of lights on the trees to their right, but he trusted Tyrell to know the way. _I trust him completely,_ Elliot thought all of a sudden. The Glühwein, he remembered. It was only the Glühwein that messed with his head. But it felt so nice to have their fingers interlaced and to feel Tyrell's thumb stroke over the back of his hand.  
  
"Nah, we don't drink that in America," Elliot replied, a little too late but he could blame the Glühwein on that, too.  
  
"That's a shame. We make it a little bit different in Sweden and call it _glögg_."  
  
"That's why you're not drunk? You're used to this?" Elliot joked. They turned around a corner and Elliot saw the sign of their hotel in the distance.  
  
"I drank hot cocoa with… amaretto, I think was it?" Tyrell replied, "I know how quickly _glögg_ can knock you out. But I wouldn't have kept you for such a light-weight, Elliot."  
  
"You do realize that I only pretended to be drunk so you'd come to rescue me?" Elliot remarked.  
  
"Oh, is that so, yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. Made use of that rescue complex you have when it comes to me," Elliot replied, didn't even think about the words that came out of his mouth. Shit, he needed to shut up, but it was hard to do so when you only made sense of your words after you had said them.  
  
"Savage," Tyrell commented, pressed a kiss on Elliot's cheek and suddenly stumbled over his own feet.  
  
"Guess you're not that sober yourself," Elliot said, grinned sheepishly at him, unable to stop himself while he held Tyrell upright. Instead of continuing to walk, Tyrell stopped.  
  
"Are you laughing at me?" Tyrell wanted to know. He tried to look intimidating, but it just made Elliot laugh out loud.  
  
"No, I don't. It would be inappropriate to laugh at my boss, don't you think?" Elliot mocked him.  
  
"Exactly. And you never do inappropriate things," Tyrell answered.  
  
Elliot felt himself being moved to the side.  
  
"You'd never kiss your boss, for example," Tyrell went on, shoved him against a wall and kissed him fiercely. Elliot moaned out of surprise, but quickly recovered and grabbed his neck to pull him closer.  
  
"No, I wouldn't," Elliot replied in-between kisses. Tyrell's hands settled on Elliot's ass, cupped it and pulled him up so that their hips met.  
  
"Fuck, Elliot," Tyrell groaned.  
  
"Yeah, please do so," Elliot mumbled, stole one last kiss before he tried to push him off, so they could finally get into the hotel.  
  
"Wait," Tyrell said. He stayed where he was, still cornered Elliot against the wall, but his grin had been replaced by a rather serious expression now.  
  
"What is it? Come on, it's late, I'm freezing and I want you, now. I'm sure it can wait till later, whatever serious thing you wanna tell me."  
  
Tyrell hesitated, but after Elliot kissed him once more, he gave in.  
  
"You're right. Let's warm you up."

 

|~|

 

They stumbled into Tyrell's hotel room already kissing again.  
  
Tyrell kicked the door shut behind them, moved Elliot backwards until the back of his knees hit the bed. Elliot slipped out of his jacket and hoodie all at once, let both things fall down to the floor. Apparently that wasn't enough for Tyrell, though; he pulled Elliot's shirt up and over his head, before he shoved him onto the bed. Elliot moved up on the bed until his back hit the headboard while he watched Tyrell undress himself now. Apparently he had ditched the suit after the workshop and changed into a black sweater and jeans. Elliot had never seen him in anything else but his suits (if you crossed out the situations where he saw him naked) and he found that he liked him better like that.  
  
Tyrell stayed in the sweater and his boxer briefs when he got onto the bed as well. He crawled towards him, but it looked kind of ridiculous. Elliot started giggling, couldn't stop even when Tyrell pulled him down again, so he could lay down on top of him and capture his lips in a kiss.  
  
"You look nice without a suit," Elliot said, still too drunk to think before speaking.  
  
"What, like, naked?" Tyrell laughed. "We've been sleeping together for six months and only now do you think I look good naked?"  
  
Elliot boxed him into his rips. "That's not what I meant."  
  
"You mean to say that you like the sweater? That's... adorable," Tyrell answered and steadied himself on his elbows, before he cupped Elliot's face with his hands.  
  
"I'm adorable?" Elliot asked, raised an eyebrow with a mocking smile.  
  
"Yes, you are, _älskling_. Especially when you're drunken."  
  
Elliot smiled while his cheeks reddened in embarrassment. He quickly tilted his head to kiss him again, hoping Tyrell hadn't noticed it.  
  
"Elliot, I…" Tyrell whispered, but Elliot shook his head.  
  
"Don't talk," he murmured and let his hands wander under his sweater, roam over his back.  
  
Tyrell obeyed and started to trail kisses over his neck instead. He bit down on his collarbone and sucked on the sensitive skin there. _If he's not careful, he'll leave a bruise_ , Elliot thought, then wondered if that was his intention. Maybe Tyrell wanted to mark him as his. Forbidden as it was, this thought turned him on more than the kiss itself. Elliot arched his back and closed his eyes. Tyrell's mouth trailed down to his nipples and his tongue teased them a bit, caused goosebumps to form all over his skin. Elliot moaned his name, or maybe he just slurred it, he didn't know. The Glühwein had left him with a warm feeling in his stomach that made him feel drowsy now. He could feel his consciousness slip away, only registered Tyrell's kisses over his stomach very, very distantly.  
  
At some point they stopped. Tyrell tried to pull the blanket free from under them, managed after he shifted Elliot a bit and then threw it over the two of them. Afterwards, he pulled Elliot into a hug and Elliot buried his face into the crook of Tyrell's neck.  
  
They stayed like this for a while. Elliot didn't remember that they ever cuddled like this before. That was probably his own fault, though. Once again he just blamed the Glühwein and his tiredness; if he would be sober, he wouldn't enjoy this quite that much. He hoped so, at least.  
  
"You still awake?" Tyrell whispered. Elliot kissed his Adam's apple in response.  
  
"Are you listening?" he added, so Elliot nodded, but couldn't get his eyes to open.  
  
"About that thing on the Christmas Fair..." Tyrell started, then held his breath. Elliot felt Tyrell's heart-rate speed up and suddenly wasn't so sure if he wanted to hear whatever was going to come out of Tyrell's mouth now. He didn't want to feel anxious now; not after his thoughts had finally shut up for once and he had been able to enjoy being close to Tyrell without second thoughts.  
  
"You're not actually my property, I think you know that."  
  
"Do I?" Elliot mumbled, a small grin making its way onto his lips. Tyrell scoffed.  
  
"Let me finish. I wanted to say that I don't like the thought of you being with someone else."  
  
Elliot tensed and opened his eyes.  
  
"Well, that's rich, coming from you," he gave back. Anger started to form in his chest and Elliot tried to swallow those feelings.  
  
_How dare you, Tyrell? You don't have any right to demand that. I don't belong you. Because you don't want me._  
  
Elliot tried to breathe evenly, kept his mouth shut.  
  
"What, has there already been someone else?" Tyrell asked. He pulled out of the hug before Elliot could stop him, then pushed Elliot's jaw up with one finger so they were looking at each other.  
  
"What's it to you? We're nothing to each other," Elliot murmured. Tyrell's eyes filled with hurt and Elliot wanted to look away. He wanted to reassure him that no, there hadn't been anyone else, not even in the beginning of their affair. Elliot didn't want anyone else but Tyrell.  
  
"Are we now, yes?"  
  
"We've always been just colleagues. This is what you wanted, remember?" Elliot whispered with a lump in his throat.  
  
"Do 'just colleagues' do this?" Tyrell asked, kissed him with a desperation that took Elliot's breath away. He forgot that he had ever been tired, came alive under his mouth and pulled him closer again, needed their bodies to touch. Tyrell ended their kiss too soon, kept Elliot's head cupped into his hands.  
  
"Maybe I don't want it to be like this anymore. Maybe I want to be able to tell everyone that you really belong to me. Because you do. You're mine, Elliot."  
  
Elliot felt his heart clench and tears burn in his eyes. He seriously wanted to believe Tyrell, he really did.  
  
"Only that's not true, is it?"  
  
"I wish it was," Tyrell breathed out.  
  
Elliot turned away from him, let Tyrell hug him from behind.  
  
"Please stay the night," Tyrell mumbled. Another first time for them; they had never woken up next to each other in the morning. Their affair was just for stolen nights where they pretended to be working. They didn't allow themselves to have mornings together. Lunches sometimes, but afternoons were off limit as well.  
  
Elliot couldn't suppress the tears that spilled from his eyes now. He wanted to tell Tyrell what he thought, knew he couldn't, but the thoughts kept coming.  
  
_Don't get my hopes up, please. Don't, Tyrell. Tomorrow you're going to be as professional as always. You're going to pretend this whole conversation didn't happen. You're going to go home to your wife and your child. And as soon as you're in a hotel room with me again, you're going to pretend that they don't exist. You're going to call me älskling and you're going to make love to me as if you mean it. But you don't. I'm not worth enough for you to give up your family. I'm just not worth it. And the funny thing is that I can't even blame you for that. I wouldn't want to be with myself, either._

 

|~|

 

Elliot was woken up by lips that moved against his mouth. He pulled back out of reflex, needed a few moments to realize that it was Tyrell who had kissed him. His head was throbbing and it was still dark around him when he opened his eyes.  
  
"Good morning, _älskling_ ," Tyrell mumbled.  
  
"Morning," Elliot grumbled back, "what time is it?"  
  
"6:34. We still have time before we have to get up," Tyrell gave back.  
  
Elliot groaned and pulled the blanket over his head. "Why the fuck did you wake me so early?"  
  
He heard Tyrell's muffled laugh and wanted to stuff a pillow into his mouth so he would stop. This wasn't funny at all. Their flight was scheduled for 10 AM. Elliot could have gotten at least one more hour of sleep if it weren't for Tyrell.    
  
"Because you were snoring so loud that you woke me up," Tyrell claimed.  
  
"That's a lie. I don't snore."  
  
The blanket was lifted against his will and Tyrell slipped under it as well, kissed him on his forehead before pulling him into a hug.  
  
"I could get used to this," Tyrell mumbled.  
  
"You can't," Elliot resisted, pushed him back off. "Besides, I hate cuddling."  
  
"Didn't seem like it, yesterday. That was literally the only reason why I woke you so early," Tyrell said. Elliot opened one eye to glance at him, was met by an earnest smile and... god, were that puppy-eyes? _Jesus_.  
  
"I was drunk, Tyrell. Now I'm hangover. So get off."  
  
"You're not even going to cuddle with me if I get you an advil and a glass of water?" Tyrell asked. He really sounded kind of disappointed.  
  
Elliot sighed. "You can try," he gave in, couldn't fathom why. It certainly wasn't because of that pout Tyrell put on. Maybe because he suddenly realized this was their first and probably last morning together. They wouldn't be able to spend another one together so soon. Tyrell never stayed the night when they met in a hotel in NYC and they didn't have any other work trips planned yet.  
  
Tyrell got up and left him alone in a bed that suddenly seemed to big for him alone. Elliot pulled the blanket back from his head and stretched out to Tyrell's side, which was still warm with the memory of him. It even smelled of him here; he was used to the cardamon that seemed to be in his cologne, but Elliot could make out citrus now as well. Why did he even care, though? Was he still drunk? He had his nose stuck in Tyrell's pillow and _smelled_ him. Something was seriously wrong with him, not that this was news to Elliot.  
  
He heard Tyrell's footsteps and looked up to him. Tyrell carried a glass of water and a pill, was merely wearing boxer briefs again but Elliot's look fell on his hair instead. It was a mess and stuck up in every possible direction. He spotted the stubble that he had felt earlier when they had kissed... _Fuck_. Elliot hadn't thought Tyrell could get more attractive, but he quickly changed his mind.  
  
"There you go," Tyrell said, sat down on the edge of the bed. Elliot downed the pill with the whole glass of water and gave it back to Tyrell so he could set it down on the side table.  
  
"I'd like to kiss you, if that's okay with you?" Tyrell asked.  
  
"Should probably brush our teeth first," Elliot answered. Tyrell shrugged, leaned over to him and kissed him regardless. It lasted merely a few seconds before they both pulled back again and grimaced at each other.  
  
"Yes, you're right," Tyrell admitted.  
  
Elliot grinned at him and crawled to the edge of the bed to stand up. Tyrell grabbed his waist when Elliot was standing, pulled him backwards into his lap and pressed his lips onto the back of his neck, let his hands roam across Elliot's chest.  
  
"I'll just be gone for like, five minutes... Tyrell-" Elliot said, but Tyrell's name came out as a moan when he suddenly cupped Elliot's erection through his underwear.  
  
"That's a really long time to wait," Tyrell remarked while he trailed a path of kisses between Elliot's shoulder blades. Elliot shivered and let his head fall back, bared his neck so Tyrell could kiss him there. He did, bit down in the crook of his neck and squeezed his dick at the same time. Elliot whimpered, debated whether he could tell Tyrell that he suddenly didn't care about brushing their teeth anymore as long as Tyrell continued what he was doing. Just when he brought up the courage, Tyrell pushed him off of his lap. Elliot stumbled forward, whirled around and groaned in frustration.  
  
"Go ahead, brush your teeth. I'll wait," Tyrell said, cocked his head at him with a sadistic grin.  
  
"Fuck you," Elliot breathed out, but Tyrell merely laughed. He got up and passed him on his way to the bathroom, let one finger trail briefly over Elliot's chest. Elliot sighed and looked after him for a moment, before he finally slipped into his jeans and a t-shirt.  
  
"Don't forget your keys," Tyrell commented, had stuck a head out of the bathroom to wink at him.  
  
"Sure," Elliot gave back, fished them out of his hoodie but left it lying on the ground. He could take that with him later.  
  
Elliot stepped out on the floor and closed the door behind him extra quietly, even though he didn't think any of his colleagues would be up by now.  
  
"Elliot?" someone asked. _Fuck._  
  
_Fuck, fuck, fuck._  
  
"Why are you already up?"  
  
He turned around to face Martin, who had a tired grin on his face.  
  
"Why are you?" Elliot replied while he slowly walked backwards into the direction of his own room.  
  
"Just got home, actually," Martin answered. He was slurring his words a bit; still drunk, then.  
  
"Wait, isn't that Wellick's room that you just came out of?" Martin asked, narrowed his eyes in confusion.  
  
"Uhm... no? Why would I come out of my boss's room in the middle of the night?" Elliot replied, frowned as if Martin's comment had been utterly ridiculous.  
  
"It isn't? Damn, I could have sworn 309 was Wellick's room number," Martin said, scratched his head.  
  
"No," Elliot lied. "You should go to bed, Martin."  
  
"Probs right. But shit, now I'm going to lose my bet to Jensen!" he called out while rubbing his eyes.  
  
"What bet?" Elliot asked. Anxiety creeped over his skin and killed the last bit of his erection. He was thankful Martin hadn't noticed that until now. Would have made his excuses a little bit harder to believe.  
  
"Jensen was sure you were going home early to fuck," Martin explained and started to laugh. "Ridiculous, I know. But you do flirt all the time, he had a valid point there. But I told him that you'd be smarter than that."  
  
_Oh god, no. Fuck._ Elliot chuckled nervously, couldn't find an answer to that. Did they slip up that bad yesterday? _Shit_. Suddenly Elliot remembered how Tyrell had protected him against the others on the Christmas Fair, how he had held him tight and made him feel safe.  
  
The door to Tyrell's hotel room suddenly swung open again and Elliot wanted to scream. Tyrell stepped out, still merely in boxer briefs. Elliot stared at him wide-eyed, mouthed "no" to him but it was too late.  
  
"Mr. Wellick! Good morning, Sir," Martin said before his eyebrows shot up and he looked back and forth between Elliot and Tyrell. "Wait. You lied to me! That was Wellick's room you just came out of."  
  
"What?" Tyrell asked, but Martin's face lit up with joy.  
  
"Ha! Jensen owes me twenty bucks! I can't believe it! You two really fucked," he stated, clasped a hand over his mouth to hide his grin. Elliot was frozen in shock, unable to find words other than "shut the hell up" and "fuck you".  
  
"Excuse me?" Tyrell asked and Elliot turned to him. Tyrell was grinning, but his grin didn't reach his eyes. He looked a little manic. "Me and Elliot? Seriously?" Tyrell glanced at Elliot and disgust swept over his face. Elliot felt like he had been slapped. _He's just acting_ , he told himself, but… _what if he isn't?_  
  
"Oh. Oh god. You're not...?" Martin asked and mortification settled on his face. He covered his face with his hands, opened two fingers to glance at them.  
  
"No. I can assure you that there's nothing between Elliot and me that isn't business. And before you make any more stupid and wrong assumptions that might cost you your job, Martin, I suggest you go to sleep and get rid of those delirious hallucinations."  
  
Elliot couldn't tear his eyes away from Tyrell, watched the disgust change into a cold arrogant sneer which he often used on colleagues he couldn't stand. He tried to tell himself that Tyrell was just lying to get them out of this situation, but Elliot couldn't convince himself. He was right - they _were_ just colleagues, after all. He had said that himself yesterday. But he hadn't meant it, goddammit.  
  
Martin stammered a few apologies, then suddenly turned around and ran down the hall. Elliot finally managed to look away from Tyrell and unlocked the door of his own hotel room.  
  
"Elliot, wait -" Tyrell started, but Elliot shut the door in his face. He had heard enough - he knew that he meant absolutely nothing to Tyrell.

 

|~|

 

Elliot had fallen asleep as soon as the plane had started. He woke up sometime around the afternoon, or at least that's what he guessed. The first thing he saw was Tyrell, who was sitting next to him with his opened laptop in his lap. He wasn't working, though, just stared out of the window. He was wearing a dark blue sweater and Elliot wondered whether he had chosen this over a suit because Elliot had told him he liked it yesterday. He immediately rejected that thought again. As if Tyrell wanted to look good for him. What a ridiculous thought. Since they were "just colleagues", there was no need for that. The memory of those words left a bitter taste in his mouth when Elliot pushed himself upright, sat up straight in his seat.  
  
"You're up," Tyrell spoke after he had turned towards him.  
  
"Yep," Elliot replied, rubbed the back of his neck and yawned.  
  
"Check your emails when you feel like it, there's something I want you to know," Tyrell said, just cryptic enough that he caught Elliot's attention immediately. He pulled out his phone, connected it to the in-flight Wi-Fi and updated his emails. 'Annual Christmas Dinner' was the subject of the last one he had gotten ten minutes ago. Elliot skimmed over the text; Tyrell and Joanna were hosting a Christmas Dinner at their house and he was invited, next to a bunch of other colleagues.  
  
"That's the worst idea you ever had," Elliot commented before he could think about it. But seriously? Elliot together in a room with his wife? That was the perfect recipe for a disaster. Elliot had zero interest in watching them play the perfect couple in front of him. Or no, not playing - they wouldn't be acting. Elliot was sure that they meant it.  
  
"I thought you'd be more excited than that," Tyrell gave back annoyed.  
  
"I don't think it's a good idea for me to spend an evening with your wife, no. So, thanks, but no thanks," Elliot answered, lowered his voice so that only Tyrell could hear him.  
  
"It wasn't a question, Elliot. You have to come. I cannot host a business thing without my assistant there as well. That'd give off the wrong impression," Tyrell demanded with a mildly threatening edge. Elliot knew that tone well - Tyrell used it often, but he had never done so with Elliot. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, tried to keep the hurt out of his face, didn't want Tyrell to know how much this bothered him. He had thought they were better than this, especially after last night. But there was nothing left of the drunken Tyrell that had told him that he wanted to be with him. Because Elliot had been right - Tyrell's words yesterday had been nothing more than empty promises. The sober Tyrell didn't want to be with him at all.  
  
Elliot's heart clenched when he nodded and he averted his gaze, lied back down as if he wanted to go to sleep again. But when he closed his eyes, more memories of last night flashed in front of him. Tyrell kissing him in the subway station in Berlin. Tyrell whispering "You're mine, Elliot," and the short moment in which Elliot had believed him. Because he was - but Tyrell wasn't his. Would never be.  
  
Elliot had never allowed himself to admit how much he wanted to be with him. But suddenly he was so tired of pretending that he didn't care about Tyrell. He wanted more than secret kisses behind a locked door in Tyrell's office. He wanted... he wanted him. _Completely_. Without having to worry about being caught, without the guilt that came crashing down on him every time he remembered that Joanna existed. Elliot had known from the start that starting an affair wouldn't be a good idea, but... he hadn't expected this. He had never meant to start feeling anything other than lust for Tyrell. This was the worst thing that could have possibly happened to him.  
  
Elliot Alderson, falling in love with Tyrell Wellick.  
  
He was so majorly fucking screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After that finale we all deserve some Tyrelliot fluff, so I hope this cheered you up a bit :)
> 
> Kudos/Comments would be appreciated. 
> 
> Also feel free to hit me up on twitter (@jojo_kenobi_) if you have ideas for Tyrelliot stuff that you want me to write! I'm always open for suggestions AND I am currently looking for a new beta reader! English isn't my first language (gasp) and my previous beta reader doesn't have enough time anymore, so please hit me up if you feel like it!


	2. Chapter 2

Elliot tugged at the tie that was choking him. His heart was beating so fast that he felt it up in his throat.  
  
His hands were shaking, so he curled them into fists before he rang the doorbell of Tyrell's apartment, instantly regretted it. Was it to late to bolt now? Could he do that? Tyrell expected him. He didn't have a choice.  
  
The door swung open and Tyrell appeared in front of him, but his head was turned to the side and he was laughing as if someone had cracked a joke that was still funny to him. Elliot's heart tripped. Tyrell wasn't wearing a tie and had the top buttons of his light blue dress shirt unbuttoned. He was dressed more casual than Elliot. _Wow_. Who would've guessed that something like that could ever happen?  
  
"Elliot," Tyrell breathed out with a smile when his eyes finally settled on him.  
  
_Oh god._ Why was he so fucking nervous? Elliot felt as if he was going to prom, just that he had never actually attended prom and this was merely a Christmas get-together for their colleagues. _Calm down._  
  
"Hey," Elliot choked out. The lump in his throat didn't want to leave, especially not when Tyrell pulled him into a hug.  
  
"You look gorgeous," Tyrell whispered near his ear, hugged him even tighter. Elliot closed his eyes and breathed in his cologne, couldn't slow down his heartbeat.  
  
Tyrell let go of him way too soon. Elliot mumbled "thanks" too late and licked over his lips, managed a chuckle that was supposed to mask how nervous he was. It was a weak attempt and Tyrell saw right through him.  
  
"Come in, let me get your coat," Tyrell said. He got behind him and pulled off Elliot's jacket before he could resist, revealed the suit coat Elliot was wearing underneath. Tyrell's smile turned into a grin while he hung his jacket up on the wardrobe. Elliot took that as approval.  
  
"Is that my tie?" Tyrell asked, even though he knew that the answer was an obvious 'yes'. Elliot nodded. It wasn't that he didn't have different ties by now; Tyrell had made sure that he was equipped with enough formal clothes, thanks to the subscription to 'TrunkBox' that he was still paying for. Elliot hadn't wanted to pick this exact tie - Darlene had forced him to take it. "His wife's going to notice that. You'll stir up some shit if you wear this one," she had said with a malicious grin and in a moment of weakness, he had rolled with it. But seeing Tyrell's eyebrow pulled up now made him question if this was the right tactic. Tactic for what, even? Elliot didn't intend to break up their marriage. He wasn't worth enough to achieve that, anyway. Just colleagues echoed through his head again.  
  
Tyrell placed his hand on the small of Elliot's back and softly pushed him into the living room with him. A few of their colleagues from IT and cybersecurity were gathered on the sofa, all equipped with a glass of champagne. Elliot nodded at them as a greeting, but they merely shot him a quick glance in response.  
  
Elliot's look settled on Joanna, who was walking toward him with a smile that made his skin crawl. He caught her glance at the tie and figured that she recognized it. Darlene had been right, after all. Joanna's smile froze and her lips tensed.  
  
"Welcome," she said and kissed him on both cheeks. _God, this is surreal._  
  
"Champagne or _glögg_?" she asked him. He hesitated a few seconds, long enough so that Tyrell cut in.  
  
"I promised him Swedish Glühwein when we were in Berlin. I got this."  
  
And Tyrell shoved him forward again, around a corner to the right into the kitchen. Elliot had never actually been in Tyrell's apartment yet. It fit Tyrell's love for luxury and was extremely stylish when Elliot compared it to his own flat. He cringed when remembered those few times Tyrell had been at his place. He was thankful that Tyrell had never actually pointed out in what kind of shithole Elliot lived. He certainly must have thought that.  
  
Tyrell's hand left Elliot's back when he opened a cupboard to get out a new glass for him.  
  
"What, do you want to get me drunk again?" Elliot joked. At least, he had attempted to.  
  
Tyrell halted for a quick moment and returned Elliot's stare. A memory flashed in front of Elliot's eyes: Tyrell pressing him against the counter of Elliot's kitchen and kissing him fiercely, only stopping because Flipper barked at them and jumped up Tyrell's leg to get his attention. Flipper had always seemed to like Tyrell ever since she first met him when Darlene had shown up at Evil Corp with her to visit. Tyrell had offered him that he could take Flipper to work with him, but he had never taken him up on that promise. Shayla had protested immediately and insisted that she loved having Flipper around over the day.  
  
Elliot shoved the memory away and leaned back against the counter, crossed his arms. Tyrell eventually filled the glass with _glögg_ , then held it out for him.  
  
"I don't think that'd be a good idea," Tyrell answered. Was he remembering the last time he had spent with him when he was drunk? How clingy and needy Elliot had gotten? Elliot kept looking at him and saw that Tyrell's pupils had turned a little bit darker. That was a yes, then.  
  
Elliot didn't broke their gaze when he took a first sip.  
  
"So?" Tyrell asked, still staring back. God, Elliot wished he could just cross the distance between them and kiss him.  
  
"It's good," Elliot answered, even though he had been too distracted to taste anything.  
  
"Told you so," Tyrell smirked.  
  
"Smartass," Elliot gave back, didn't fight the grin that wanted to settle on his lips. Tyrell merely cocked his head at him and returned the grin.  
  
"Wouldn't have thought that you let your assistant talk to you like that," Jensen commented, suddenly standing left from them. Elliot hadn't noticed him creep up on them and the frown that flashed over Tyrell's face told him that he hadn't, either.  
  
"We're not at work right now, Jensen," Tyrell answered and crossed his arms, leaned near Elliot now. For a moment it seemed to him as if they formed some kind of union - the two of them in the corner of the kitchen, side by side with Jensen opposite of them. They did that pretty often, come to think of it. _Tyrell and me against the rest of Evil Corp. Can't say I don't like that position._  
  
"If you say so," Jensen gave back. "While you're at it, I'd like some punch, too."  
  
Elliot glanced at Tyrell and saw him tense. Once again, Jensen didn't miss an opportunity to undermine Tyrell's position. Technically, they had similar ranks… but Jensen wasn't the one to host a work event; he wasn't important enough. This whole thing was just to show off how successful Tyrell was. It didn't surprise Elliot that a guy like Jensen loathed having to be here.  
  
"It's mulled wine, though," Tyrell answered. He didn't ask Elliot to move away but rather just got in front of him and pulled a glass out of the cupboard that was right above Elliot's head. Elliot swallowed when he smelled Tyrell's cologne, tried his best to remain unbothered by it on the outside.  
  
"Tyrell! You're not supposed to serve every guest by yourself."  
  
Joanna showed up next to Jensen, pretended to scold Tyrell while he filled Jensen's glass with _glögg_.  
  
"I'm just trying to be a good host," Tyrell replied. She walked up to him and let her hand roam over Tyrell's back, smiled and waited until Tyrell had handed the glass over to Jensen before she planted a kiss on Tyrell's lips. Elliot looked away from them, pulled out his phone because he had no better alternative. Darlene had texted him a few minutes ago.  
  
'already stole the bitches man?'  
  
'no. watching them kiss instead', he texted back while he emptied his glass.  
  
'urgh. did she notice the tie, tho?' she wrote back, so quick that he hadn't even locked his phone again when it arrived.  
  
'yes.'  
  
'great. make sure she catches you and tyrell fucking in their bedroom later. that should show her'  
  
Elliot snorted. That would certainly get the message across, yeah. But what message did he want her to get?  
  
That he wished he could be the one on Tyrell's side instead of her? Of course not.

 

|~|

 

An hour later, Elliot was fuming with rage.  
  
He had been forced to watch how Tyrell and Joanna clung to each other. His arm never vanished from her waist and they kept kissing every now and then. It was always just brief, but those small moments seemed so... intimate. They looked like a couple that was still in love, even after an eternity spent together. How long had they even been a couple now? Why didn't Elliot know that? More than five years, at least. They had married about two years ago. Elliot remembered seeing the announcement on Facebook the first time he had hacked Tyrell.  
  
But what did it matter? Elliot had known that they were perfect together, sure. He had just never actually believed it to be true until he saw it now. They didn't put up a charade in front of their colleagues, no, their love was real. Elliot wasn't able to breathe when he realized that, felt like he was choking on all those memories that came up and that suddenly felt fake. He doubted that this Tyrell he was watching now was the same person he had an affair with.  
  
Right now, the Wellick's were talking to Scott and Sharon Knowles. Two successful men with their beautiful wives next to them - this was the perfect dream of every straight, white man who was working at Evil Corp.  
  
_The top 1%, remember? Those are the guys you wanted to fight._  
  
Elliot ignored Mr. Robot's comment, rather kept on staring at his boss.  
  
Tyrell said something that was inaudible to Elliot, but it made Joanna laugh. Tyrell smiled at her, pressed a kiss on her cheek.  
  
Elliot remembered when Tyrell had kissed him like that in Berlin. That look of adoration that Elliot had thought was just reserved for him... he regarded his wife with the exact same look now. And Tyrell could've slapped him, kicked him, it all wouldn't hurt as much as this revelation did.  
  
Elliot loosened his tie, still couldn't breathe. Why had he even chosen to wear one? To piss off Joanna, to impress Tyrell? _Fuck that._  
  
All those times at work, in those hotels, in Berlin... Elliot had always been Joanna's replacement.  
  
Tyrell finally caught Elliot staring and his expression changed. Worry clouded his happiness for a brief moment and Elliot couldn't bear it, felt like Tyrell was taunting him with it. _"You're mine, Elliot,"_ echoed through his head again. Elliot closed his eyes and took a deep breath, but it didn't soothe his anger. He was too close to losing it. He needed to get out of here before he could make a fool out of himself.  
  
Without thinking about whether this was appropriate or not, Elliot set down his glass of _glögg_ onto the kitchen counter and carved his way through the other guests until he reached the corridor. He slipped into his shoes and jacket, turned the knob and opened the door, but someone grabbed his arm and held him back. Of course.  
  
"Where are you going?" Tyrell asked.  
  
_As far away from you as possible._  
  
"Out for a smoke," Elliot answered.  
  
"I'm coming with you," Tyrell insisted. Elliot contemplated telling him to piss off, but it made no sense to argue with Tyrell.  
  
So even though he couldn't get out of this situation now, he could at least get ahead of it. He used the moment in which Tyrell got dressed to leave the house before him. Elliot knew he was running away from him, knew Tyrell would be smart enough to figure out why, but he was so tired of having to give a shit about what Tyrell thought about him.  
  
He cared about Tyrell, yes - so what if he would find out? It didn't change anything.  
  
"Elliot, wait!" Tyrell called out. Elliot had already put a good distance between him and the Wellick's apartment, but because he was stupid, he stopped. _Stop obeying him, idiot._ But Elliot couldn't help himself.  
  
While Tyrell caught up to him, Elliot used the time to light up a cigarette.  
  
"What do you want?" he snapped. He wasn't able to hold his anger down anymore, especially not when Tyrell looked at him with as much confusion as he did now.  
  
"What's the matter with you?" Tyrell asked.  
  
"You really don't fucking get it, do you?" Elliot groaned and took a sharp drag of his cigarette.  
  
"Actually no, I don't. You told me that you don't give a fuck about me and now you act jealous because I'm kissing my wife. How does that make any sense?" Tyrell replied, endeavored to keep his voice at a normal volume. It just made Elliot even more furious. Tyrell never kept himself under control - why now?  
  
"Fuck you," Elliot spat out and turned around to leave. He wasn't surprised when Tyrell grabbed his arm to stop him; this was what he always did. Just that Elliot felt like his touch was burning him now. Elliot ripped his arm out of Tyrell's grip and took a few steps away from him.  
  
Without any luck. Tyrell came after him and got ahold of Elliot's tie, pulled him forward. Elliot stumbled, but Tyrell caught him and pressed their lips together. Tyrell was desperate and harsh and Elliot kissed him back out of instinct. Tyrell moved his legs apart and pressed his knee against Elliot's crotch, caused him to moan helplessly.  
  
"Fuck, no," Elliot groaned. He pushed Tyrell off again. This time, Tyrell stayed away, panting.  
  
"Have you lost your fucking mind?" Elliot shouted. His hand was shaking when he lifted the cigarette back to his lips. It was a damn miracle he hadn't dropped it yet.  
  
"Elliot..." Tyrell started. Elliot looked back at him, waited for anything to come out of Tyrell's mouth that would smother his anger. But... nothing. Tyrell kept his mouth shut, just stared at him, still with that fucking confused look.  
  
"I can't do this anymore," Elliot whispered.  
  
"What? What do you mean?" Tyrell asked. Something that looked like fear flashed over his face, but why would Tyrell be afraid of anything Elliot could do to him? Tyrell didn't care about him.  
  
"This. You can't just do what you want with me. You tell me that you want to be with me and the next minute you're back to your wife, acting as if you've never felt a thing for me. Which you probably never did, am I right?"  
  
Tyrell closed his eyes. An eternity passed until he opened them again. And then he shook his head.  
  
_No. No, don't do this to me. Please tell me that's not true. It can't be true. No, please, Tyrell. You can't just… no. Fuck, no._  
  
"Okay," Elliot murmured. He threw the cigarette away and nodded. He had been right, after all. He meant nothing to Tyrell. Had never, would never. _Fuck_.  
  
Hearing it confirmed hurt a lot more than suspecting it. It hurt like fucking hell.  
  
"Yes. Glad that we talked about this," Tyrell suddenly spoke up. There was nothing in his tone that hinted at any emotion. It was completely empty.  
  
_Fuck you_ , Elliot wanted to shout again, but he couldn't get any words out. He could only fight the tears that burned in his eyes and stare at his boss, who couldn't even look back at him now.  
  
"Come back inside," Tyrell added and turned around, obviously expecting Elliot to follow.  
  
"Excuse me?" Elliot choked out.  
  
"What? We're nothing to each other, right? Your words, by the way, not mine. And seeing that I'm your boss and this is a work event, you're going to do as I say. And I'm telling you to come back inside with me."  
  
Elliot wanted to slap him.  
  
_How can you do this to me? Can't you see I’m almost fucking tearing up because of you? Do you really need to punish me even more?_  
  
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Elliot murmured, but Tyrell just scoffed.  
  
And like he always did, Elliot obeyed and followed his boss.

 

|~|

 

'any progress?'  
  
Elliot stared at Darlene's last text. Why was she acting like this? Since when did she support him and Tyrell? What even was there to support? There was nothing left.  
  
But what had he expected? That Tyrell had been honest with him over the last months? Fuck, Elliot had known that Tyrell was a notorious liar. He always told others what they needed to hear to get his way. He would literally do anything to get the things he wanted. _Fuck, how could I have been so stupid to fall for those lies?_  
  
Tyrell had wanted to fuck him ever since he had seen him at AllSafe for the first time. Mr. Robot had told him about that. Elliot should have remembered his words. _Just fucking,_ that's what this had been between them.  
  
Elliot remembered which lie he had told himself in the first months: that he was just giving in to Tyrell's advances because he needed to get close to him. He had done this for FSociety and their revolution. And what was left of that? They had ended up in a rut a while ago and neither Darlene nor the others could figure out a solution to their problem. Elliot had, though. But he had chosen to keep quiet about it, had chosen to work against them and let their revolution fail. Why? Why would he sabotage FSociety? For a guy that was just toying with him?  
  
God, how stupid he had been. Elliot knew that now.  
  
"Hey man, you're at a party. No need to stand in the corner sulking," someone said.  
  
Elliot looked up from his phone and spotted Martin. Elliot had been leaning against the wall next to the door that lead to the corridor. He was as close to the exit as he could be without it looking weird, but who was even questioning that by now? He had always been the weirdo to the others. He just didn't belong to Evil Corp.  
  
"I'm not sulking" Elliot resisted, but Martin cocked an eyebrow at him with a sympathetic grin.  
  
"Sure, dude, but honestly, it's a bit obvious."  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Elliot said. Please just leave me alone.  
  
"Well, I know that you're having an affair with Tyrell," Martin answered. He had lowered his voice and leaned closer to him, was almost whispering directly into his ear. "I'm not stupid, you know? I wasn't that drunk in Berlin when I caught you coming out of his room. Also, I saw that love bruise on your shoulder. That hadn't been there the day before."  
  
_Fuck_. Elliot knew he should deny it, frantically searched for words that sounded convincing enough, but he suddenly found himself too tired of this shitshow to care. They had been caught; so what? Martin wasn't going to expose them.  
  
His eyes looked past Martin, focused on Tyrell standing in front of the kitchen counter. He downed a glass of _glögg_ and then laughed at something Joanna whispered into his ear. If he noticed Elliot's stare, he ignored it. Sure, why would he bother?  
  
"Tyrell wasn't joking, Martin. If you talk, you're going to be out of this firm faster than you can spell 'affair'," Elliot answered. He was missing the threatening tone that Tyrell would have used now. But Tyrell wasn't here and Elliot had never been fit to be his replacement. Not at work and especially not in difficult situations like now. He had fucked it up in Berlin and he was fucking it up now. _So what?_  
  
"I know. I'm not going to talk, don't worry about it," Martin said, still with that slightly pitying smile.  
  
Elliot pushed himself off of the wall, mumbled "let's go for a smoke," over his shoulder and Martin followed him. Elliot opened the patio door and got out into the garden without his jacket. Snow covered the porch and soaked his sneakers, but he didn't care. He was finally beginning to feel somewhat numb again, even though he was aching for morphine to enhance that feeling. As soon as he would get home, he'd get high. How long did he still have to stick around? He could have asked Tyrell, but Elliot would rather bite off his tongue than do that now.  
  
"Can I bum one?" Martin asked when Elliot had pulled the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He held it out to Martin so he could take one as well.  
  
"Can you light it up for me, too?"  
  
_What?_  
  
"You're old enough to do that by yourself," Elliot grumbled.  
  
"Well, I rated Wellick as the jealous type. Just do it, I promise you he's going to notice that," Martin explained.  
  
"He has no reason to care, but whatever, man," Elliot said and took a step toward him. Martin leaned down to him, put the cigarette between his lips and formed a semicircle around it to shield the fire from the wind. His fingertips graced over Elliot's while he tried to light it and Elliot needed a few tries. His hands were shaking from the cold, but he managed eventually, went on to light his own. He kept close to Martin even after both cigarettes were lit.  
  
"So, you and Tyrell," Martin started again.  
  
"It didn't mean anything," Elliot said, confirming his earlier accusation. Six months of safe-keeping down the drain. _Good work_ , Elliot, Mr. Robot commented in the back of his mind. _Fuck off_ , Elliot answered.  
  
Martin chuckled weakly. "Doesn't seem like that to me. How long has this been going on?"  
  
"Couple of months," Elliot admitted.  
  
"So you did fuck your way into Evil Corp," Martin joked and Elliot let out a cold laugh.  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
"Aaaw, where's the fun in that if there's no drama?" Martin teased him.  
  
"I don't want drama. Cut it out, now, please?"  
  
"Yeah, sure. Sorry, dude, didn't want to be disrespectful," Martin said, lifted both hands in surrender.  
  
"Thanks," Elliot mumbled.  
  
But it was already too late. Martin had successfully remembered him how fucking much Tyrell's rejection hurt. God, he wanted a hit and he wanted it now, rather than in a few hours.  
  
"Sure, man. Just wanted to tell you that I get it. I've been there. I know it hurts like a bitch to watch the one you love kiss someone else."  
  
Elliot took a sharp drag of his cigarette. What was he supposed to answer to that? He didn't know.  
  
His nose was running from the cold and he sniffled. All of a sudden Elliot was pulled into a hug. He tensed immediately. What, did Martin think he was crying?  
  
"Don't," Elliot said.  
  
"Wellick's coming out," Martin whispered back and held him for a few seconds longer.  
  
Martin finally let go when the patio door opened behind Elliot. He didn't turn around. Even without Martin's warning, Elliot knew it was him simply by hearing his footsteps.  
  
"Are you out of your mind? It's freezing," Tyrell said. A few seconds later Elliot felt something being draped over his shoulders. Tyrell had brought him his jacket. _How cute,_ Mr. Robot commented in the back of his mind. _Stay away_ , Elliot snapped back at him. He didn't need him here as well now. He would just try to force more unnecessary advice onto him. Darlene had done a pretty good job in doing that ever since he came back from Berlin, so he had to understand that Elliot was growing sick of it.  
  
Besides, this was so fucking ironic. An hour ago Tyrell had told him he didn't care about him and now he brought him his jacket?  
  
"Thanks," Elliot answered, put the cigarette between his lips to slip into his jacket completely.  
  
"You don't happen to have a ashtray near, don't you?" Martin asked Tyrell.  
  
"Yes, in the summer house. I'll get it for you," Tyrell answered.  
  
Elliot looked after him when he stalked away, spotted the chains of light that were draped around the little house. For a split second, he was back at the Christmas Fair, saw Tyrell's eyes in front of him, his pupils dilated, painted with golden light and the skin around his eyes crinkled because he was smiling at him.  
  
"I'd kiss you, if that would piss him off," Martin whispered, all of a sudden even closer than before with his lips right next to Elliot's ear.  
  
_Jeez, please leave me alone._  
  
"I don't need a wingman," Elliot breathed out, but his hand wandered around Martin's waist because... maybe this could help? At least it would hurt Tyrell - he didn't want him to be with someone else, after all. Because he was selfish and possessive. Or had that been one of his lies again? Maybe Elliot could find out?  
  
"Yeah, obviously you don't," Martin murmured and the irony felt like a kick into the stomach.  
  
Martin moved back though, grinned at Elliot while he took a lazy drag of his cigarette. That move might have looked seductive to someone who was interested. Martin was handsome, sure; blonde, tall, horn-rimmed glasses that tried to overshadow a crooked nose. But Elliot didn't care at all. He just sighed when he was able to let go of Martin and glad that their body contact finally stopped.  
  
Someone put a hand on the small of his back and Elliot flinched, straightened his back to escape it. _Tyrell_.  
  
"Don't fucking touch me."  
  
Tyrell's hand vanished again. _Oh fuck._ Had he really just said that? Martin stared at him with wide eyes and Elliot knew that he had. _Oh my god. Oh no._  
  
"Excuse me?" Tyrell asked, faked a chuckle to defuse the situation.  
  
"I'll just... go," Martin murmured, put the merely half-smoked cigarette into the ashtray Tyrell was holding and then hurried back inside the apartment.  
  
"What do you think you're doing, Elliot?"  
  
"What does it look like?" he shot back and turned around to his boss.  
  
"It looked like you were getting close to a coworker," Tyrell stated. _Shit. It worked. It actually worked._ Tyrell was jealous, even though he tried to hide it behind a straight face.  
  
Elliot suddenly remembered that Tyrell still believed Elliot had already fucked someone else during their affair. He had never denied it when Tyrell had assumed that in Berlin. Elliot was glad that he hadn't, now.  
  
"Oh yeah? Congrats for stating the obvious, one hundred points to you," Elliot snarled. "Sorry to break it to you, but it's none of your business who I get close to, Tyrell."  
  
"You're my assistant. I think that this does, in fact, turn you into my business. Quite literally as well."  
  
Elliot let out a cold laugh. Tyrell had taken a step toward him, was towering above him now. Elliot didn't let himself be intimidated. He had the whip hand over him now and they both knew it.  
  
"So you're the only one I'm allowed to fuck? Is that what you want to say?" Elliot asked, didn't even bother to lower his voice. They were alone right now, but how long would that last? Was someone watching them from inside? Elliot couldn't care less.  
  
"Yes, that's correct," Tyrell answered.  
  
"Well, then I have news for you. I can fuck whoever I want to. I don't need your approval, boss," Elliot snapped.  
  
Tyrell inhaled sharply and gnashed his teeth while Elliot held his look. Elliot felt his stomach turn while they stared at each other, curled his hands into fists. He forgot that he had still been holding his cigarette, though. It burned the palm of his right hand, but Elliot didn't flinch.  
  
"I'm not your property, Tyrell. And I won't ever be," Elliot added, let the put out cigarette drop into the ashtray in Tyrell's hand. And then he rushed past him back into the house.

 

|~|

 

Elliot found Martin lean against the kitchen counter with a new glass of _glögg_ in his hand. Elliot grabbed it and downed it, before he refilled it. The wine was too hot and burned his tongue, but he didn't mind.  
  
"Let's get out of here," Martin said with a grin, but he was looking past Elliot in the direction of the garden. Elliot could imagine that Tyrell was just getting in as well, hoped he would hear Martin's words.  
  
"Bit early for that," Elliot heard himself answer because… yeah, why? He wanted to leave as well. What was holding him back? Martin wasn't even gay; didn't Tyrell know about that? When Elliot had hacked Martin, he had found a genuinely happy guy with a girlfriend and a dog. Martin was merely flirting with him to get Tyrell jealous and that had worked out just fine. But did Elliot really want him to think that he was actually going home with Martin? _He deserves that, kiddo. He lied to you so many times, it's time you lie to him as well._  
  
_I told you to fuck off,_ Elliot thought back to Mr. Robot.  
  
"You listening to this?" Martin asked and Elliot focused on him again. Martin nodded in the direction behind Elliot, so he tried to focus on what the others were talking about.  
  
"No, we're definitely going to get that on our to-do list when we're in Paris," he heard Tyrell say to someone. _Paris_? When was Tyrell going to Paris?  
  
"You'll love it. Paris is beautiful, especially in the snow," some women answered.  
  
"I'm just happy that I get to spend Christmas eve somewhere were people celebrate in a more discreet way. Nothing against your traditions, but I think you Americans go a little bit overboard here," Joanna said.  
  
So Tyrell was spending the holidays in fucking Paris with his family. _Great. Thanks for telling me about that._  
  
"How long are you going to be there?" the women asked.  
  
"We're leaving on the twenty-first and stay until the third," Tyrell answered.  
  
Elliot wanted to cut in and ask when he had suddenly decided that he wouldn't work between Christmas and New Year's Eve, since he had told him last week that he was going to work just as Elliot would. Nice. Real fucking perfect. Elliot had no reason to go in without Tyrell.  
  
"Oh, that long? There'll be plenty of time to discover everything Paris has to offer."  
  
Elliot had heard enough.  
  
"Let's go."

 

|~|

 

They made it to the corridor before Elliot and Martin were held back by Joanna.  
  
"Care to tell me for how long you've been fucking my husband?"  
  
Elliot flinched. _What the fuck?_  
  
Joanna closed the door to the living room behind her.  
  
"I'll catch you outside," Martin mumbled and left the apartment before Elliot could ask him to stay.  
  
Now he was alone with Joanna. _Shit._  
  
She was smiling at him, but her eyes were cold and calculating. For a moment, Elliot thought that she and Tyrell deserved each other. They were both kind of fucked up. But so was he. _Whatever. Fucking hell._  
  
"I'm not," Elliot answered.  
  
"You really don't want to lie to me," Joanna said and raised her left eyebrow at him.  
  
Elliot curled his hands into fists, bit his lip, kept quiet.  
  
"So?" Joanna added and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She was wearing a black dress and her red lipstick was flawless. Shouldn't that have already been smudged?  
  
The image of Tyrell kissing her flashed in front of his eyes again and Elliot let out a sigh.  
  
"You don't really need to ask me if you already know the answer, do you?" Elliot gave back.  
  
There. He had said it. Now he had not only admitted their affair to a coworker, but to Tyrell's wife as well. This was not good. Absolutely not.  
  
But Joanna's smile didn't waver; no, it turned into a grin.  
  
"You're right. I don't. I just wanted to see that look flash over your face when I tell you that there's nothing you can do to break us up."  
  
Elliot wanted to ask her how she had found out. Was it something that Tyrell had said to her in the past months? Were it the long hours they spent in his office, sometimes until midnight? Elliot remembered one time when Tyrell had fucked him on his desk and the phone had rung. Against Elliot's plea that he ignored it, Tyrell had picked it up, even though his dick was still buried inside Elliot's ass. Tyrell had kept fucking him slowly while he had lied to his wife that they were still working on a presentation for the next day and Elliot had tried to keep himself from moaning too loud. Tyrell had laughed about that as soon as he had hung up on her, then kissed him desperately. "I'd choose this over a boring evening with Joanna every time if I could," Tyrell had said after he had come and Elliot had grinned. When Tyrell had kissed him afterwards, Elliot had felt as if this thing that they shared was something special.  
  
"You need to realize that Tyrell loves me," Joanna added. "He could never love someone like you."  
  
_Someone like me? She doesn't even know me. Or does she? I feel like she can see right through me. Does she know that I'm a fucking psycho? Does she know that I fell for all those lies Tyrell told me? Does she know that I'm in love with him?_  
  
"Fuck you," Elliot whispered.  
  
He opened the front door and left. As soon as Joanna had shut the door behind him, Elliot couldn't fight the tears anymore.

 

|~|

 

Elliot had thought hard about getting a sick note on the next day instead of going in. In fact, he had already been on the way to Krista when he had received a text from Tyrell.  
  
'My office, as soon as you're here.'  
  
Another direct command. It had made him so mad that he had almost thrown his phone through the train.  
  
He might have been his pawn for the past eight months at Evil Corp, but this would end now. Just as their affair had ended yesterday. Elliot was done. Fuck a sick note, he was going to quit.  
  
Half an hour after he had received the text message, Elliot stormed into Tyrell's office. He didn't bother to knock and threw the door shut behind him, didn't flinch at the bang it made. Tyrell did. He was sitting at his desk and seemed to be in the middle of a phone call. Elliot let his backpack drop next to the door and crossed the distance, stopped when he was in front of his desk.  
  
"Sorry, but I'll have to call you back," Tyrell said and cradled the phone, stood up.  
  
"Finally you're here," Tyrell snarled.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm not staying," Elliot shot back, curled his hands into fists.  
  
Tyrell didn't look surprised. No, if possible, he looked disappointed, next to the anger that was clear on his face.  
  
"You told Joanna about us," he stated.  
  
When Elliot didn't react, Tyrell walked around his desk and came toward him. Elliot didn't want to back away, wanted to stand his ground, but there was something in Tyrell's eyes that made his blood run cold. He looked the kind of batshit crazy furious that ended in death. Elliot's death, for that matter. _Shit_.  
  
"No. She already knew," Elliot answered now, hoped it would take the blame off of him and calm Tyrell at least a little bit. "It wasn't my fault."  
  
Tyrell laughed. He stared at him and fucking laughed. _What the hell?_  
  
Elliot backed further away, but Tyrell came after him as soon as he stopped, but then went past him to lock the door.  
  
_This isn't good. Fuck, he's actually going to kill me._  
  
"Are you really trying to convince me that you're innocent?" Tyrell asked, a cold smile on his face now. He walked back to Elliot and this time, Elliot managed to remain where he was.  
  
"How innocent were you when you kissed me for the first time in your apartment six months ago?" Tyrell whispered.  
  
"That wasn't me," Elliot replied. It hadn't been - this was on Mr. Robot. Elliot would have never dared to make such a stupid decision in the first place.  
  
Tyrell stopped just inches before him and Elliot still didn't move back. But it didn't matter; suddenly Mr. Robot was in front of him and he pushed Tyrell back.  
  
"You were going to fire me if I wouldn't have kissed you. You wanted to fuck me ever since you first saw me and I just needed to save my ass. That's what the first kiss was about," Mr. Robot explained.  
  
_No. No, I don't want you to intervene. I can do this by myself._  
  
But Elliot stayed were he was and watched Mr. Robot plant himself in front of Tyrell.  
  
"Is that so? And what about the past months, when your job was safe? You can't tell me that you didn't love it when I fucked you. When you moaned my name like a little whore," Tyrell snarled.  
  
"Tyrell, I'm gonna give you enough credit to admit that you're fantastic in bed, yeah. But that's all that there was. We fucked, end of story. Do you really believe that I ever gave a shit about you? I don't care what happens to you. If your wife is going to leave you because you couldn't keep it in your pants, that's not on me. That's your fault."  
  
Mr. Robot laughed and took ahold of Tyrell's jaw, forced him to look at him. The next words were merely a taunting whisper.  
  
"Maybe you shouldn't have been so greedy."  
  
And suddenly Elliot was thrown to the ground and he was himself again. There was a sharp pain in his nose and his head hit the floor. He heard a crack that couldn't mean anything good and his vision blurred. His head was throbbing when he tried to focus on Tyrell. Elliot watched him slip out of his suit coat before he knelt down over him. Tyrell raised his fist again, but Elliot caught it mid-air this time. He used his other to try and shove Tyrell off of him, but Elliot didn't stand a chance. Tyrell was way stronger than him. He wrenched his hand free from Elliot's grip way in a swift motion.  
  
"Tyrell, please -" Elliot pleaded, but Tyrell didn't seem to be able to hear him.  
  
And suddenly Tyrell wrapped his hands around Elliot's throat. He wanted to scream, but no sound left his lips.  
  
_Oh god._ Tyrell was going to kill him. _I'm going to die._  
  
No. No, he wouldn't. Instead of fighting him, Elliot wrapped his legs around Tyrell's hips and brought him down on himself. Tyrell hadn't anticipated it and a groan slipped out of his mouth when Elliot rubbed his erection (why was this turning him on?) against Tyrell's (why was Tyrell enjoying this?). He reached up and pressed their lips together. Tyrell's grip around his throat vanished and Elliot broke their kiss to gasp for air, while Tyrell took ahold of both of Elliot's wrists and lifted his arms above his head, pinned them down to the ground.  
  
Elliot opened his eyes when Tyrell stopped moving, stared right into Tyrell's grey ones. He heard his blood rush through his veins, but even though Tyrell had stopped to hurt him, the panic didn't subside. Tyrell let his thumb graze over Elliot's lip and smeared his blood over his skin. His touch was soft, but Elliot knew this wasn't over yet.  
  
"Let go of me," Elliot said, but Tyrell didn't obey. Sure, when had he ever done that? Tyrell always got to decide how things went between them. Tyrell decided how they handled things at work, Tyrell decided when they had the time to fuck and Tyrell decided that Elliot wasn't worth enough to care about.  
  
"Elliot, I don't want to hurt you," Tyrell stated.  
  
_He realizes that he literally has my blood on his fingertips, does he?_  
  
"You already did," Elliot mumbled back.  
  
He didn't mean the punches. He couldn't care less about that. After Mr. Robot's provocation, he had deserved them somehow. Elliot knew about Tyrell's anger issues and Tyrell probably knew about his as well. It was a miracle they had lasted eight months of working together without stabbing each other, actually.  
  
But they had grown into a team. Tyrell and Elliot, Elliot and Tyrell. Fuck, they had become inseparable at Evil Corp. There had been rumors about them long before Berlin and Elliot knew that Tyrell must have heard them, but neither of them had mentioned it to the other. Last summer they had gotten people fired for raising such suspicions and now they had just let it slide. No, not even that; instead, they had fucking fed them in Berlin. Martin probably wasn't the only one who had been smart enough to figure it out.  
  
"Elliot, I never promised you that I would leave my wife for you. Because I won't. I can't."  
  
"I know," Elliot answered, but he had to close his eyes to keep the burning tears inside. _Fuck, keep it together._  
  
"How did she find out, anyways?" Elliot added, but it weren't his words. Mr. Robot was speaking for him, helped him to keep his vulnerability hidden.  
  
"Did you moan my name when you fucked her?" Mr. Robot added, a teasing grin on Elliot's lips. _No, don't piss him off again. Even if that does distract him from the fact that I'm almost tearing up._  
  
"None of your business," Tyrell snarled. Wait, had Mr. Robot been right?  
  
"You did, didn't you? Damn, that's embarrassing," Mr. Robot went on and chuckled.  
  
All that Elliot could think about was that he fact that Tyrell had had sex with Joanna during their time together, though. He didn't know why he hadn't thought about that earlier. Why had he assumed that Tyrell was only fucking him and no one else? Just because Elliot had been doing so? How naive.  
  
"No, I didn't. She..." Tyrell took a deep breath, sighed. "She found your hoodie in the suitcase that I had when we were in Berlin. You left it at my hotel room and I didn't give it back to you."  
  
"You kept it?"  
  
They had gotten back to New York over a week ago. Elliot had simply thought he had forgotten the hoodie somewhere in his hotel room. Why hadn't he said anything? And why hadn't he given it back to him yet?  
  
"Yes. It smelled of you."  
  
Tyrell let go of Elliot and leaned back, got ready to stand up but now it was Elliot who grabbed his wrists. They ended up sitting opposite of each other on the ground and against his better judgement, Elliot longed to kiss him. He held himself back, but he saw Tyrell glance at his lips as well.  
  
"I think it's for the best if we don't continue this and go back to being boss and assistant, Tyrell," Elliot whispered. His own words made his heart clench; he didn't want to end it. Imagining that he had to keep working with him but not being able to kiss him anymore made his stomach turn, but Elliot knew he was doing the right thing. He wanted to be more than this and Tyrell wanted to keep his marriage. Elliot knew that he couldn't continue to pretend that he was fine with just fucking. He would rather have nothing than not enough.  
  
"Are you sure you can handle it?" Tyrell asked. It didn't seem patronizing. Elliot felt as if Tyrell was seriously concerned about him.  
  
_No._  
  
"Yeah," Elliot answered. It wouldn't be easy, but he was better of without him. He hoped so, at least.  
  
"Take the next week off. I can handle the last few days alone here. It's up to you if you want to work between Christmas and New Year's Eve?"  
  
"Doesn't make much sense for me to be here without you," Elliot gave back. He had meant to say that his work was depending on Tyrell, but even to him it sounded as if he meant Evil Corp in general. That was true as well, though, wasn't it? Tyrell was the only reason why he stayed in this firm.  
  
"Okay. Can I... can I kiss you one last time?" Tyrell asked. He sounded as if there was a lump stuck in his throat and when Elliot glanced in his eyes, they seemed glassy.  
  
Elliot nodded slowly, but Tyrell hesitated. In the end it was Elliot who closed the distance, caused Tyrell to lean back until they were lying on the floor again, Elliot on top this time. Tyrell kept one hand around the back of Elliot's neck and the other stroked over his back. This could have easily turned sexual, but it didn't. Their kiss was slow and deliberate. Elliot tried to memorize everything about it.  
  
_This is the end of us._  
  
Elliot hadn't actually realized that there had never been an 'us' beforehand. Sure, they had become close, but he suddenly saw all the things they could have been flash in front of his eyes.  
  
Elliot imagined waking up next to Tyrell every morning, as they had a while back in Berlin.  
Elliot imagined them at Starbucks, holding hands while Tyrell ordered his favorite mocha, insisting that Elliot tried out a new drink.  
Elliot imagined them hosting a Christmas party like the one yesterday, saw himself in Joanna's place; being the one Tyrell had his arm around, being the one Tyrell smiled at, being the one that Tyrell kissed in front of the others.  
  
Elliot imagined them being together as a real couple.  
  
And just when he realized that this was never going to happen, Elliot realized how much he had hoped that it could have become their reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go with the angst again, haha, kinda sorry, kinda not. 
> 
> There's gonna be a third or maybe even a fourth chapter, who knows. Let's see if they can fix this, right?


	3. Chapter 3

This was the first Christmas Elliot didn't spend with Angela at her dad's. Angela hadn't told him why she didn't want to go back to New Jersey this year, so Elliot had guessed that they were in a fight. He should probably ask her about it. If it couldn't be resolved for Christmas, it seemed to be something bad. Later, though.  
  
Right now, he and Darlene were spread out on Angela's couch. It was just the three of them this year, which was kind of odd, but in a nice way. The last Christmas Elliot had spent with Darlene had been a couple of years ago, when he had still lived with her and their mom. Definitely not a good memory; his mother had screamed at them for something trivial, so Elliot and Darlene had run off. They had walked through the neighborhood and imagined how the other families spent Christmas, had wished they could swap their lives for the ones of the happier kids.  
  
Elliot tried to shake off the memory again and got out his phone instead. The girls had insisted that neither of them looked at their phone today, but both of them were distracted at the moment. Angela was watching the milk she was heating up on the stove and Darlene seemed to be dozing. She had her head rested on the armrest behind her and her feet wrapped into the blanket she was sharing with Elliot. He thought about handing it over to her completely, but he was too comfortable to move.  
  
He checked his phone, but he had no new notifications. No missed calls, no new emails, just nothing. Not even a notification that Tyrell had posted something on Facebook. That was weird; there should have been something.  
  
Maybe he should check his work emails. Darlene had forbidden him from doing so, claimed that "you're on holidays, Elliot, and that asshole can drown in all that work without your help," and gave him a stern look when he had rolled his eyes. He had obeyed, though. Darlene had kind of moved in a while ago, but after he had broken up with Tyrell, she hadn't vanished from his side. Elliot wanted to believe that he wouldn't need her comfort, but it was kind of nice to have her around all the time.  
  
Still, it wasn't enough. She couldn't distract him enough so that he didn't miss Tyrell anymore. He was craving for some kind of interaction, even if that was merely a work related email or something stupid Tyrell posted on Facebook. But… as much as he wanted to talk to him, he was scared of it, too. He didn't know if he would be able to handle talking to Tyrell, didn't know how to act around him anymore. God, Elliot longed for those simpler times when everything had been okay between them and a simple email from Tyrell had been able to make him smile.  
  
"Oh, Elliot, I forgot to ask," Angela called over to him from the kitchen, "did you see that picture of you on Evil Corp's intranet?"  
  
"No?" he gave back and walked over to her, rested his elbows on the kitchen counter.  
  
"I emailed it to you. Wait a second," she said. Her laptop was lying on the counter as well, so she came over and pulled it closer to them, opened it.  
  
"Darlene didn't want me to check my work emails during the holidays," Elliot explained.  
  
"And you listened to her? That's a first," Angela commented, but smiled at him softly.  
  
"Yeah," Elliot replied. While Angela searched through her emails, Elliot heard Darlene groan and stretch behind him, before she came over to them as well.  
  
"Work? Really now? It's Christmas," Darlene complained. "I fall asleep for five minutes and you really talk about work. I can't believe it."  
  
"Shush," Angela said to her, then turned the laptop around so that Elliot and Darlene could look at the picture she had just opened.  
  
"I'm surprised Tyrell didn't show it to you yet. It's kind of cute, after all," Angela joked, but Elliot barely listened anymore.  
  
The picture showed everyone who was at the workshop in Berlin. Elliot distantly remembered that some colleague had taken a group shot of them on their last day, but he had forgotten about it until now.  
  
Tyrell and he stood in the front row on the right side. Tyrell had his arm slung around Elliot's waist and was smiling his typical work smile. The one that Elliot thought was stupid, because it was dishonest and forced. They were way too close in that pic; their shoulders and hips were touching. _Fuck_. And this pic was public? Even Angela, who didn't work at Evil Corp seemed to have access to their intranet. Elliot had been afraid that they would look too intimate only moments after the photo had been taken, but seeing it in front of him didn't reassure him at all now. While their other colleagues all kept their distance to each other, Tyrell and he seemed to be glued to each other.  
  
_Shit_. Why was this still online? And why hadn't Tyrell said anything to him?  
  
\- because it had gone public after their breakup. Elliot looked at the publication date: 12/21/15. His last day at work had been the 20th of December.  
  
_That's the only pic that exists of us together_ , Elliot realized. Elliot knew that Tyrell was the kind of sentimental person who took a lot of photos with the ones he cared for. There were a lot of pictures of him and Joanna in their apartment,  even a few selfies of the two on his phone. Elliot had spotted those by accident when Tyrell had wanted to show him something else and scrolled through his picture gallery. Until now it had never occurred to Elliot that this might have been an indicator that Tyrell didn't care about him. But Elliot hadn't want to see those signs, he knew that. So… Tyrell didn't want to remember him. Why would he? Surely Tyrell wouldn't want to be reminded of his assistant.  
  
_Because that's all I ever was. His assistant._  
  
Elliot couldn't bear to look at the picture anymore. He turned around and stepped out on Angela's balcony, lit up a cigarette. He hadn't bothered to close the balcony door behind himself and could make out Angela's and Darlene's voices behind his back.  
  
"Did I say something wrong?" Angela asked Darlene. They were probably staring at him. Elliot leaned on the balcony lattice, inhaled the smoke deeply.  
  
Wait, had Darlene not told Angela that he and Tyrell had split up? Why not? Elliot had assumed that this was the first thing Darlene would've mentioned to her. She had gone out of her way to make sure Elliot wasn't reminded of Tyrell by anyone else during the last days, so why wouldn't she have told Angela about the breakup as well?  
  
"They broke up a few days ago," Darlene explained now. _Thank you._ Elliot knew he couldn't get those words out of his mouth by himself.  
  
"Shit. Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't he tell me? Is he okay?" Angela asked with worry in her tone.  
  
"No, not really. He didn't say much, but he's been a fucking mess. I've tried to distract him, but he's... he's just... I think he fell in love with Tyrell."  
  
Darlene whispered the last words, as if she really wanted to make sure that he didn't hear them. He wished he didn't had, either.  
  
_Fuck_. Elliot sniffled and closed his eyes, tried to stop the tears that were burning in his eyes from rolling down his cheeks. Yeah, he had fallen in love and Tyrell had not. _Thanks for reminding me, Darlene._  
  
"Oh god. I had no idea," Angela answered.  
  
The memories came back.  
  
Tyrell cupping his face and smiling at him, before he kissed him slow and deliberate. Tyrell holding him in his arms to protect him from his colleagues. Tyrell whispering his name at night as if it was a secret. _Tyrell, Tyrell, Tyrell._  
  
"Fuck," Elliot murmured, threw the cigarette away and pressed his palms against his eyes, as if that could keep the tears in.  
  
Suddenly he was pulled into a hug. He could smell Angela's perfume, that familiar mixture of roses and something else he had never been able to figure out, even though she was using it since they had been fourteen.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Elliot," she whispered when he clung to her, small sobs escaping his mouth now.  
  
_Fuck, fuck, fuck._  
  
_Keep it together, Elliot, he's not worth it,_ Mr. Robot murmured softly.  
  
_But he is. He could have been. We could've been -_  
  
_No, you couldn't. It was foolish to hope for more. He never promised you anything, kiddo._  
  
"Does it help when I tell you he looked totally miserable last time I saw him without you?" Angela murmured, probably attempting a smile right now. Elliot could hear the chuckle in her voice.  
  
"Probably just pissed because he had to do everything by himself," Elliot gave back. They parted and Elliot tried to smile back at her, failed.  
  
"No, it wasn't like that. He-"  
  
"Angela," Darlene cut in. She had stepped out on the balcony as well, lit up a joint. "Don't make it worse."  
  
_But I want to know_ , Elliot wanted to say, but he couldn't get the words out.  
  
_You don't want to get your hopes up, kiddo. Trust me, it's better if you don't know,_ Mr. Robot resisted, forced him to keep his mouth shut.  
  
"How about we get high and plan our trip?" Darlene offered with a forced grin. She wanted to distract him again. _But what if I want to talk about it? What if I want to know how Tyrell acted without me? What if I -_  
  
"That sounds great," Angela answered with false cheer as well.  
  
_Jeez. Okay. Calm down._ Elliot took a deep breath to steady himself, but his chest still felt tight when he followed the girls back into the living room.  
  
They got back onto the couch and while the two started proposing countries and cities they wanted to see, he took a sip of the hot chocolate Angela had made for them. And was thrown back into yet another memory.  


  


|~|

  


_"The barista really asked me if I wanted whipped cream or not," Tyrell said with an irritated grin, let himself fall on the armchair opposite of Elliot._  
  
_Elliot looked up from his laptop._  
  
_"Standard procedure, Tyrell. They do that every time," Elliot gave back. Tyrell opened his briefcase and got out his laptop as well, placed it on his knees._  
  
_"But for hot chocolate? Can you imagine drinking hot chocolate without whipped cream?" Tyrell answered and shook his head. Elliot bit his lip to keep himself from grinning. He couldn't help but find that adorable. Tyrell and his love for chocolate was simply ridiculous._  
  
_"I don't really care about whipped cream," Elliot admitted, just to see him get a little more worked up._  
  
_Tyrell's face went blank. "You've got to be kidding me, Elliot."_  
  
_"Am not. I never drink hot chocolate, either."_  
  
_Tyrell's jaw dropped and his brows furrowed. Elliot couldn't compose himself anymore and started to laugh at him, covered his mouth with his hand._  
  
_"That is unacceptable. I might need to fire you immediately."_  
  
_Elliot stopped laughing, but kept grinning. "Oh yeah? You won't find someone else who agrees to waste a Sunday afternoon just because you're calling in an emergency meeting at Starbucks."_  
  
_"Did you have other plans?" Tyrell asked. He was trying to look indifferent, started to type something on his keyboard and merely glanced at Elliot. But who was he trying to fool? Elliot knew that Tyrell wanted to know if there was someone who was more important to Elliot than he was._  
  
_"No. I couldn't imagine anything better than spending my Sundays with you," Elliot deadpanned, tried to put as much sarcasm into his voice to mask that it was actually true._  
  
_"Well, then I'm glad I made up a bullshit excuse to get to see you today," Tyrell replied, with the same amount of irony as Elliot._  
  
_That was a joke, right? There was no way Tyrell was doing the same as he and actually meant what he said. Right?_  
  
_Elliot looked at him and watched him take a sip of his hot chocolate. Tyrell's eyes locked with his and he smiled, causing Elliot's heart to trip._  
  
_"So, now that we agreed on the fact that we both love spending time together, we can get to work, right?" Tyrell chuckled._  
  
_Elliot smiled back at him and nodded._  


  


|~|

  


"Elliot?"  
  
Darlene flicked her finger's in front of his face.  
  
"What?" Elliot asked. The memory faded and he tried to focus on his sister.  
  
"What do you think about Venice?" Angela asked, softer than Darlene now.  
  
_Venice? What about it?_  
  
Elliot needed a second to remember what was going on. They wanted to go on a vacation together for a couple of weeks next year. That's why they had decided to pass on Christmas presents. They rather wanted to save the money and spend it on their trip later on.  
  
"Too hot and too crowded," he replied.  
  
"What did I tell you? Prague it is, then," Darlene said, poked Angela in the side and caused her to yelp.  
  
"Yeah, that could work," Elliot commented, but the girls were too focused on tickling each other. Elliot shuffled to the other side of the couch so he wouldn't get caught in the crossfire, sat up on the armrest.  
  
"It's not fair, you knew Elliot would agree with you on anything that isn't Venice. This isn't final," Angela pouted when she had gotten ahold of Darlene's wrists and stopped her from attacking her.  
  
"Where else would you want to go?" Elliot asked. Their trip was supposed to be fun for all of them, after all.  
  
"Paris is lovely in spring, for example," Angela answered. Elliot's smile froze. _No_.  
  
"Not Paris," he choked out.  
  
"Why not?" Angela asked. Why couldn't Darlene stop her again? Did he really have to explain why he didn't want to go to that city?  
  
_You didn't tell Darlene that Tyrell's in Paris. She doesn't know_ , Mr. Robot clarified.  
  
"It's overrated," he said, looked at their questioning faces with a pleading expression. Just let it go.  
  
"But I've always wanted to see Paris in the rain! We could stroll through Montmartre and discover Versailles. We would have so much fun. Please, Elliot."  
  
Was that the kind of stuff Tyrell was doing these days? Elliot suddenly had a stupid image of him and Joanna in front of his eyes, saw them slow-dancing on a bridge across the Seine and laugh when it started to rain. Tyrell got out of his suit coat and held it over their heads to cover them…  
  
Where was that image suddenly coming from? Probably an old movie scene that was just messing with his head, but shit, that could easily be happening right now.  
  
_That should be me_ , shot through Elliot's head. But it wasn't and it wouldn't. He would be haunted with those kind of images if he would be forced to discover Paris with Angela and Darlene.  
  
"No, not Paris. That's final."  


  


|~|

  


Elliot was out on the balcony again, smoking his third cigarette in a row. It was long past midnight and Angela and Darlene were asleep. They were both sharing Angela's bed, while Elliot was supposed to be sleeping on the couch now.  
  
But he had finally gathered the courage to read through all of his work emails. Because it hadn't been Darlene's fault that he hadn't checked them yet. It was the fear of how cold Tyrell would act towards him that had hold him back. And damn, Elliot's suspicions turned out to be true.  
  
Tyrell had set him in copy for a bunch of emails like he usually did. What he hadn't done was write little messages on top of them. Merely a "fyi" was on top of the first one Elliot had received on the first day that he had been absent.  
  
Tyrell treated him with even more distance than he had when Elliot had first started to work for him. They were lesser than before now. _Fuck. What have I done to us? I only wanted to help us, not destroy us._  
  
"Why are you doing this to yourself, Elliot?"  
  
Mr. Robot appeared beside him and took his phone out of his hand. "You know that it will only hurt more," Mr. Robot added with a sigh.  
  
"I told him I could handle it if we were just colleagues again. I meant it," Elliot gave back.  
  
"Elliot, we both know that this was a lie. And if Tyrell is as smart as he always claims to be, then he does know that, too."  
  
Elliot took a sharp drag of his cigarette. "So what do you want me to do? Quit? Just like that? What about FSociety?" he argued.  
  
Mr. Robot scoffed. "What? Tyrell dumps you and now all of a sudden you remember our revolution again? Now that you don't have anything better to do anymore?"  
  
Elliot's hands curled into fists and he gnashed his teeth. _How dare you?_  
  
"He didn't dump me."  
  
"Yeah, right, you did. Because he doesn't care about you the way you do. Big difference," Mr. Robot snarled, leaned towards to him and lowered his voice. "Elliot, this thing we started, it's not going to be your distraction. I need your undivided focus. We're not doing this to get back at Tyrell. We're doing this for -"  
  
"We're not doing this at all!" Elliot shouted.  
  
"What?" Mr. Robot asked while Elliot took a step closer to him. Mr. Robot's brows furrowed, but he didn't back off.  
  
"You heard me. FSociety is dead to me."  
  
Elliot couldn't believe what kind of words were coming out of his mouth right now. Mr. Robot couldn't, either.  
  
"I just can't take this anymore. I want to leave," Elliot added. His anger vanished slowly, was replaced by a deep sense of weariness. _I don't want to fight with you anymore._  
  
"Elliot, I understand that you need a break. You got your heart broken for the first time and it hurts. But you're going to be okay again, and when that happens -"  
  
"You don't fucking get it," Elliot cut him off, "I'm not going to be okay again. I'm a fuckup, man, and I already was before shit went down with Tyrell. I mean, hell, I'm talking to you. You're not even fucking real. Isn't that enough proof?"  
  
Mr. Robot took a hesitant step towards him and put his hands on Elliot's shoulders. Elliot didn't flinch, so Mr. Robot pulled him into a hug. Elliot hadn't noticed that he had started crying, but he was sobbing again all of a sudden. _Shit_. But Mr. Robot understood him, didn't he? If anything, he was feeling his pain, too. They were the same, after all.  
  
"I'm just so tired of not being good enough," Elliot whispered. He wasn't sure if Mr. Robot heard him; he was mumbling those words into his jacket. But what did it matter? What did any of this matter?  
  
"A fresh start, huh? Is that what you want?" Mr. Robot asked softly.  
  
"Yeah," Elliot choked out.  
  
"What about Darlene and Angela?" Mr. Robot remarked, still didn't let go of him.  
  
"They're better off without me. Angela can have Qwerty and Shayla can take Flipper," Elliot explained without hesitation.  
  
It made sense.  
  
Tonight wasn't the first time he had thought about leaving. Mr. Robot should have known about that, shouldn't he?  
  
"Where do you want to go?"  
  
_'You',_ not _'we'._ Elliot noticed that distinction. Wasn't he going to come with him?  
  
"Berlin," Elliot mumbled. Mr. Robot chuckled and detached himself from Elliot, rested his hands on Elliot's shoulders again.  
  
"Okay. Then let's run off to Berlin and start over."  
  
_Plural form_. Mr. Robot wasn't going to let him leave alone; no, he was going to come with him.  
  
Elliot sighed of relief.  


  


|~|

  


A while later, Elliot was sitting on Angela's couch and looking for job ads in Berlin. There were a lot of open positions in tech, so that shouldn't be too difficult. Finding a flat was a different thing, though. Elliot had a lot of money saved, but dollars weren't worth as much as euros were and living in Berlin seemed fucking expensive.  
  
He couldn't grasp why Berlin had been the first city to come to his mind when he had thought about moving. Maybe it was the mentality he had gotten to know when he was there. The 'Berliner' didn't seem to give a shit about anyone but themselves. Elliot remembered Tyrell's words: _"This is Berlin, Elliot. No one here cares about us."_  
Living there would probably feel somewhat anonymous. And most of the people there were fluent in English, so that would help a lot. Berlin seemed to be perfect for him.  
  
His phone blinked and he reached over to grab it from the couch table. It was past 2AM - who on earth would think of texting him in the middle of the night? That was typically a thing only Tyrell did.  
  
And… it was Tyrell. _What_? It was about 7AM in Paris. Why on earth would Tyrell get up so early when he was on holidays?  
  
'Didn't get my last message?' it said.  
  
What message? Tyrell hadn't texted him ever since they had broken up. When Elliot scrolled up in their chat, the last message he had received was: 'My office, as soon as you're here.'  
  
'No. What's up?' Elliot texted back, sent it before he could delete it again, regretted it immediately. Why was he so fucking curious? Why couldn't he just switch of his feelings and stop caring about Tyrell?  
  
Tyrell replied almost instantly and sent him a screenshot of their chat. At 10PM in Tyrell's time, he had apparently texted him 'Merry Christmas. I miss you, Elliot. I miss _us_.'  
  
Elliot's heart sank. He should have gotten that message at 4PM. Why hadn't he read it? _What -_  
  
_Wait. Oh no._  
  
Elliot had been searching for his phone this afternoon, just to find it in his backpack at around 5PM. He had been dead sure that he hadn't put it there by himself, but shrugged it off because he knew he lost time sometimes. Had Darlene taken it, seen the message and deleted it? There was no other alternative. _Fuck._ Why would she do that? To protect him? So he wouldn't get his hopes up again? Hadn't that been her words to him? No, wait, Mr. Robot had said that. So whose fault was it?  
  
But did that even matter?  
  
Because aside from that… _what the hell, Tyrell?_  
  
What was he supposed to do with that information? Was Tyrell lying again? Was he missing his body? Wasn't Joanna good enough for him anymore all of a sudden? He should've thought that through a little bit earlier, then. Elliot wasn't going to go back to him simply because of a little text.  
  
'Fuck you' was all that Elliot texted back. Then he jumped up and stormed into Angela's bedroom, shook Darlene's arm to wake her up.  
  
"Jesus, what time is it?" Darlene groaned and opened her eyes. It took her a few seconds to adjust to the darkness around them, but when she saw Elliot's expression, she shuffled backwards.  
  
"Who the hell do you think you are to delete my texts?" Elliot snapped. In the back of his mind he knew that his anger was misdirected; it wasn't meant for her. Hell, he wasn't even sure if she was to blame. But Tyrell… god, Elliot wished he would be here right now, so he could smash his beautiful face until it would no longer hurt to look at him.  
  
But Tyrell wasn't here and Elliot was shaking with fury.  
  
"I wanted to do you a favor," she explained, while she elbowed Angela to wake her up. So it was her fault.  
  
"A favor?" Elliot repeated.  
  
"Yes. I didn't want Tyrell to get your hopes up again," Darlene clarified, but Elliot merely scoffed.  
  
"So you just decided that I don't get to know what my boss texts me now, did you? You don't even know what happened between Tyrell and me. You don't understand anything," he shouted.  
  
"Oh, give me a fucking break, asshole. You came home with a bloody nose and fingerprints on your throat, I think it was pretty clear that you didn't suddenly discover a love for BDSM," Darlene shot back, sat up straight now. "You cried for hours, Elliot. So what is it that I don't understand?"  
  
"You're my sister, Darlene. We don't do this kind of shit to each other. You're not helping me by keeping things from me. That's what _he_ does. I thought you knew better than this," Elliot grumbled, couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry, okay? I just -"  
  
"Fuck you, Darlene. Leave me the fuck alone from now on," Elliot said, before he grabbed his stuff and stormed out of Angela's flat.  


  


|~|

  


Elliot woke up in a smashed apartment. His desktops were smashed, cables were ripped out and pieces of his keyboard scattered all over the floor.  
  
Had he done that? When? Why?  
  
_Fuck_.  
  
What did he remember?  
  
Tyrell's text. The fight with Darlene. Running back home and trying to find out what else Darlene had tried to keep from him. He had... he had hacked Tyrell again. And then... blank space. Nothing. What had he found?  
  
"Don't, kiddo. You can't handle it," Mr. Robot said. He was sitting in his desk chair and looked at him with pity in his eyes.  
  
"What is it? It can't get worse, can it?" Elliot asked.  
  
"Why do you need to know? Let's just go on with our plan and leave. You don't have to know everything."  
  
Elliot sighed and covered his face with his hands. God, he needed a break from his life.  
  
"Elliot, trust me. You don't want to see the picture -" Mr. Robot started, but quickly interrupted himself again. Too late.  
  
"What picture?" Elliot asked and jumped up. He couldn't mean the one of them in Berlin, could he? Elliot remembered that image very clearly.  
  
Had Tyrell posted something on Facebook? He was one of those idiots who actually used that platform on a regular basis. Elliot had made fun of that quite a few times in the past months, but Tyrell had insisted that it was a great way to show of his success.  
  
"You won't be able to handle this, Elliot. You couldn't yesterday and you won't today. At least take a line beforehand," Mr. Robot went on.  
  
"Okay," Elliot agreed. He still had a lot of pills left. Before Shayla had left town, she had agreed to give him a rather big refill. She spent Christmas with her family in Pittsburgh, but would be back in time for New Year's Eve. They had planned to spend it together; Elliot, Shayla, Darlene and Angela. Cisco and Ollie would probably join as well. Elliot would need to get his shit together before that. But he still had a couple of days and a lot of morphine to go.  
  
Elliot got up and opened his drawer to get out everything he needed to prepare a line. He had to step over one desktop that was lying on the ground, but he merely glanced at it. He'd have to buy a new one, but that could wait until he was in Berlin. He didn't plan on taking any furniture with him, but would sell as much as he could beforehand to get some extra cash. He would need as much cash as he could get his hands on in the shortest amount of time possible. He had booked a flight to Berlin on the 5th of January. Elliot knew that he would not be able to take care of everything until then, but he couldn't wait any longer than that. He would figure something out when he was in Berlin. He'd manage.  
  
Mr. Robot waited until he had taken a new line of morphine before he got up. He grabbed Elliot's backpack and let himself fall down on the couch next to him, got out the laptop and placed it on the table in front of him.  
  
"Are you good to go?"  
  
"Yeah, think so," Elliot replied, typed in his password before Mr. Robot took over. A few clicks and he was back on Tyrell's facebook profile.  
  
His suspicions had been right. Darlene must have erased all the notifications he had had for Tyrell's social media as well. There were a lot of new posts online that he had never seen before. Tyrell's new profile pic was of him and Joanna kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower. His new cover photo was of Joanna, standing on the snow-covered Champs-Élysées and smiling at the camera, shopping bags from Prada and Louis Vuitton dangling from her arms. He had tagged her on the pic, so Elliot clicked on her profile after he had read the handful of status updates Tyrell had posted as well. Mostly the regular kind of stuff, things like 'Bonjour from Paris' and 'Joyeux Noël', which probably meant 'Merry Christmas' in French.  
  
Joanna had posted even more than her husband. There were a couple of pics of Tyrell and their son at Disneyland. Tyrell was wearing Micky Mouse ears in one image and Elliot laughed at him. Tyrell looked ridiculous, but he didn't seem to mind; Elliot had rarely seen him grin that wide in real life.  
  
"He looks so happy," Elliot murmured. The morphine dulled the pain that was trying to claw it's way to the surface, so Elliot still felt numb while clicking through their holiday photos.  
  
"Because he is," Mr. Robot answered.  
  
Someone nudged his foot and Elliot looked down at Flipper. She pressed her nose against his leg, tried to shove it. She probably needed a walk.  
  
"I still can't wrap my head around the fact that he lied to me. I really thought he meant it," Elliot said while he grabbed Flipper's leash from the wardrobe and tightened it around her collar.  
  
"Meant what? He never told you that he loves you," Mr. Robot answered. _Ouch. Thanks a lot._ That reminder thankfully didn't sting too much. God, he would not get sober at any time soon. He hadn't been high for a couple of days and he realized how much he had missed it now. There was nothing better than feeling… nothing.  
  
Elliot slipped into his sneakers and pulled up the hood, hesitated to leave his flat.  
  
"No, but... he just..." Elliot stammered, couldn't find words that were good enough to express what he had felt.  
  
Because despite everything Tyrell had said, Elliot knew that there had always been more than just sex between them. _Fuck_ , Elliot had been so sure that he wasn't the only one of them to notice that.  
  
Elliot remembered the phone calls they had shared in the middle of the night. Tyrell mostly called him after he had drunken one or two glasses of wine or when he couldn't sleep, knowing that Elliot would still be awake at 1AM. They had talked about everything that came to their mind then. Tyrell had told him stories about his childhood in Sweden and Elliot had told him about his depression; he hadn't told him everything, deliberately hadn't mentioned that Mr. Robot existed, but fuck, Elliot had never even opened up to someone else like that before.  
  
One night, Elliot had been in such a bad place that Mr. Robot had forced him to call Tyrell. His boss had listened to his crying for about three seconds, before he had said 'I'm on my way'. He had held him all night long, mumbled soothing words Elliot didn't understand. When that hadn't helped, he had sung some old love song to him… 'Last Request' was it called, if Elliot remembered correctly. Elliot still didn't want to believe that Tyrell would did that for just anyone. That night had been something special.  
  
Or that one time in August when Tyrell and he had driven out to Coney Island after work. They had watched the sun set over the ocean and Tyrell's fingers had brushed against his, but neither of them had dared to intertwine their hands.  
  
Did normal people do this kind of stuff? Elliot had no idea how relationships worked, but he had imagined that this thing between Tyrell and him had gotten pretty close. Apparently he had been wrong about that, though.  
  
Elliot forced himself back to reality. He was in front of his flat right now and waited for Flipper to finish peeing. Maybe he should get something to eat. Seeing that the sun was already setting again, it was probably afternoon on the 26th right now. He must've been asleep (or unconscious) for a while, apparently. He couldn't say that he minded that.  
  
Maybe he could call Darlene, apologize and ask if she wanted to come over with leftover food from yesterday? He had behaved like a dick last night and she hadn't deserved that. She had only meant to help him. Sure, her way of doing that had been kind of shitty, but Elliot wanted to forgive her. He was leaving so soon and he didn't want them to part in the middle of a fight. Also, Elliot was scared of having to be alone when the morphine would wear off again. He didn't know if he could handle it.  
  
 When he got out his phone to text her, he saw that she had already sent him a couple of messages.  
  
5:21: 'are you okay?'  
  
10:53: 'im sorry, please just tell me youre okay'  
  
14:31: 'went by your flat, put some food in the fridge and walked flipper. call me'  
  
The last one had been about two hours ago and almost made him smile. He could muster enough courage to text back now, even though he hated having to ask for help.  
  
16:48: 'thanks. can you come over again?'  
  
She immediately texted back: 'omw, bringing angela & molly'  
  
And now Elliot smiled.  


  


|~|

  


So… maybe Elliot shouldn't have mixed morphine and weed together.  
  
Elliot had been in a daze for the last couple of hours… or days? He had lost all sense of time.  
  
Also, he never knew if he was dreaming, hallucinating, or if what he was seeing was really happening right now.  
  
Elliot wasn't in control anymore.  


  


|~|

  


He was in a penthouse in Berlin, looking at the Berliner skyline at night. The Fernsehturm was blinking red in the distance and he was smoking a cigarette, when Tyrell pulled him in a hug from behind.  
  
"Can't sleep?" he asked near his right ear, planted a kiss on his neck.  
  
"Come back to bed, it's freezing," Tyrell added and Elliot turned around to him, hugged him back. Tyrell smelled of cardamon and citrus and Elliot wanted to stay like that forever.  
  
"I love you," Elliot whispered into the crook of Tyrell's neck.  
  
"I know, _älskling_ ," Tyrell gave back with a smile, before he kissed him on his lips.  


  


|~|

  


Elliot was standing in Tyrell's office.  
  
"How could you do this to me?" Elliot shouted, shoved Tyrell away from him.  
  
"You're lying. I know what I felt. Tyrell, please," he pleaded, but Tyrell's face was turned to stone.  
  
"You're not worth it, Elliot. You've never been. You're nothing. Did you really think that I could love you? You're a fucking psycho," Tyrell answered. Suddenly he was pointing a gun at him, but Elliot kept walking towards him.  
  
"Shoot me," Elliot demanded and Tyrell did.  


  


|~|

  


"You need to eat something," Angela said. He was back in his flat and lying in his bed.  
  
"Not hungry," Elliot mumbled, turned around to the other side.  
  
"Do you think we need to get him to a hospital?" Angela whispered and stood up. Elliot didn't see it, but the mattress shifted with the loss of her weight.  
  
"No. He didn't overdose. He just needs to sleep it off, that's all," Darlene gave back.  
  
"Are you sure? He's sweating," Angela said.  
  
"Leave me alone," Elliot choked out. His throat was raw and he needed to drink something, but that would mean having to move. His whole body was aching and he just wanted to close his eyes and never open them again.  
  
"I'm sure, Angela. He's going to be fine."  


  


|~|

  


Evil Corp, dinner party.  
  
"We have an announcement to make," Tyrell said while he swung a fork to his glass of champagne, successfully raising attention to himself. All of their colleagues from the tech department were gathered around them, about fifty people maybe, possibly more.  
  
"When I became CTO of Evil Corp, I promised you total transparency. That includes all of the project we're working on and all of our goals. But as you all know, life doesn't solely resolve around work. Neither does yours and neither does mine."  
  
Tyrell was fidgeting next to him, so Elliot intertwined their fingers together, let his thumb stroke over the back of his hand. Tyrell took a deep breath, squeezed Elliot's hand, exhaled.  
  
"Elliot and I are going to marry," Tyrell stated. Elliot's heart skipped a beat. _What_?  
  
Elliot looked into shocked faces. Whispers started to form, were cut off by the hesitant applause that set in.  
  
"Naturally, this doesn't change anything about our situation at work. But as your CTO, I felt like I owe it to you to be honest about this part of my life as well."  
  
Elliot looked up to Tyrell now, found him already looking back at him. Tyrell closed the distance and sealed their lips together. They kissed in front of everyone and Elliot grinned when they parted. Only now did he notice the silver ring he was wearing on his left hand. Tyrell wore the same.  
  
"I love you, Elliot," Tyrell whispered into his ear and Elliot knew he was the luckiest man in the world right now.  


  


|~|

  


Someone was licking his face. Elliot tried to shove the thing away that was annoying him, but it turned out to be Flipper. He opened his eyes, but his vision was hazy and his head was throbbing. He closed them again, groaned.  
  
He seemed to be alone. He didn't hear anything else but Flipper's and his own breathing. Elliot reached over to her and pulled her closer again, hugged her to his chest. Then sleep overcame him once more.  


  


|~|

  


Prague in spring.  
  
Elliot was sitting in a booth and eating goulash. Tyrell was next to him, while Darlene and Cisco sat opposite of him.  
  
"They should've gotten here half an hour ago. Angela is always on time," Darlene said, annoyance flashing over her face.  
  
"Just call them, babe," Cisco answered, let a hand roam over her back to calm her.  
  
"We're in Europe. That's expensive as shit, you realize that, right?" Darlene replied.  
  
"I'll call her," Tyrell chimed in, already pulling out his phone from the pocket of his jeans. Elliot watched him dial Angela's number and a smile form on his face when Angela had picked up.  
  
"It's me, Tyrell. We're waiting for you, where are you?" Tyrell asked. Elliot pushed his half-finished goulash away. He had barely put his cutlery down when Darlene pulled his plate to herself and started eating his leftovers.  
  
Elliot glanced at her, but quickly found that he didn't want to stop looking at his boyfriend. He felt as if he could never get enough of him. Tyrell was so beautiful, goddammit, even if he was simply wearing a sweater and jeans. He was starting to grow out his beard because Elliot was curious how it would suit him. So far, he looked absolutely gorgeous.  
  
"We got lost. Turns out Ollie doesn't know how to read a map, after all," Angela asked, loud enough so that Elliot could hear it without Tyrell having to turn the loudspeakers on.  
  
"Just use Google Maps, then?" Tyrell proposed. Cisco started laughing and whispered something into Darlene's ear, caused her to snort.  
  
"Nice one, Tyrell. We don't have internet here," Angela gave back.  
  
"I do. Where are you?" Tyrell said. _Of course he would have internet_. His rich asshole boyfriend didn't care about how much that cost. Elliot chuckled.  
  
"I don't know. There's a church in front of us. Ollie, can you read the name?"  
  
Tyrell started to put on his coat and gestured Elliot to do the same.  
  
"Ollie says were at St. Martin’s Church," Angela added.  
  
"St. Martin's Church, okay. We're coming to get you. Stay right where you are," Tyrell answered and hung up.  
  
"You're going on a rescue mission?" Darlene commented with a sly grin.  
  
"Seems like it. Are you good to go?" Tyrell asked Elliot, checked to see if they had packed all of their things.  
  
"Yes," Elliot replied, took the hand that Tyrell was holding out to him. Before Tyrell could turn around to leave, Elliot held him back, got up on his tiptoes and pressed a short kiss on his lips. Tyrell smiled at him when they parted, then pulled him along.  
  
"Don't get lost, too!" Darlene shouted after them. Elliot flipped her off before he followed Tyrell out of the restaurant.  


  


|~|

  


"What the fuck are you doing here?" Darlene snapped.  
  
Elliot couldn't open his eyes. Where was he? He was lying on a mattress and had a blanket spread out over him. Was he in his flat?  
  
"I need to see him," Tyrell answered. Tyrell was here? _Oh. Another dream._  
  
Wood creaked as if someone was walking, but then stopped abruptly.  
  
"You're supposed to be in Paris. Why are you here?" Darlene asked, quieter this time. Elliot could barely make out her words.  
  
"I just told you. Is he home?" Tyrell replied, lowered his voice as well. "Why are you whispering?"  
  
"He's asleep," Darlene stated. Was he? This wasn't real, right? Why would he be sleeping if he was literally in a dream right now? That was odd. But okay, he would just have to wait until this was over. Soon the scene would fade again and his brain would come up with something new, he knew that much by now.  
  
"Asleep? It's nine PM. Is he okay?" Tyrell asked. Was that worry in his tone?  
  
"Yes, asleep, you dickhead. And no, he's not okay. Which I have you to thank for, by the way," Darlene gave back. Her voice was sharp now, filled of accusations.  
  
"Listen, Darlene, I didn't come here to argue with you. Let me talk to him by myself. I can fix it."  
  
The door creaked and footsteps echoed through the flat. Had Darlene let him in?  
  
"Be my fucking guest. But Elliot hasn't been responding for hours. You'll have to wait until he's sober again."  
  
"What did he take? Why didn't you take him to the hospital?" Tyrell said. His voice sounded nearer now, even though it was still merely a whisper.  
  
"Morphine and weed. He didn't overdose, it's just a weird combination to get high on. I googled it. It's mostly some kind of haze, dream-state thing. I figured he wanted to find a way to avoid staying conscious. Can't blame him for that," Darlene explained. "He's been a fucking mess, thanks to you."  
  
"I..." Tyrell started, but Darlene scoffed. The door was closed quietly and Elliot heard footsteps come closer. Something that sounded like his couch creaked. Had they sat down? Together? That would probably look odd, his sister and his boss next to each other on his couch. If he would have been able to move, he would have laughed.  
  
"I was wrong, okay? I shouldn't have pushed him away. I never meant to hurt him," Tyrell stated. "I broke up with Joanna and took the next plane home."  
  
_Oh god._ Elliot was hallucinating this, there was no doubt left now.  
  
"So what now? You're not going to break his heart again. He deserves to be more than your dirty little secret, Tyrell," Darlene answered. "He wants to be more than that."  
  
"Did he tell you that?" Tyrell asked. _No, I didn't. I don't remember telling her anything. But this isn't real, so why not?_ She could tell him the truth for all that Elliot cared.  
  
"Yes, he did," Darlene replied. _Oh. Had he?_  
  
"I love him, Darlene. I don't want to fight it any longer, either. I want us to be together. For real and not as a secret anymore."  
  
_Fucking hell, this is a nice dream._ Elliot smiled to himself.  
  
Silence. The click of a lighter, the faint hiss of tobacco sizzling.  
  
"You better mean it. I'll kick your ass if you don't," Darlene answered and Tyrell laughed softly.  
  
"I mean it."  
  
_He loves me. God, why can't this be real?_  
  
"Okay. I'll leave you two alone. But I'll come back tomorrow and if I find him alone and crying again, I will find you and I will cut your throat. Understood?" Darlene stated. When had she ever acted so protective of him? She probably thought Elliot wasn't listening.  
  
_Because you aren't. This is just wishful thinking, a dream. None of this is happening right now. It's not real._  
  
"Understood," Tyrell answered.  
  
The door opened and closed again; Darlene must have left. Elliot heard Tyrell sigh and knew he was probably staring at him. It was as if he could feel his gaze on him; his skin was tingling. Footsteps again, the rustling of clothes. What was Tyrell doing?  
  
Suddenly the blanket was lifted and the mattress ached from the additional weight. Flipper was being taken out of his arms and Tyrell's hand closed around his arm, tried to shove him backwards softly. Elliot shuffled to the other side, made enough room for Tyrell to lie down next to him. And finally Elliot was able to open his eyes.  
  
"Hey," Tyrell murmured, attempted a smile. He was wearing a hoodie and had a stubble. The real Tyrell would never look like that voluntarily. This was his Dream-Tyrell. If Elliot wanted, he could probably change his appearance just by wish. But he was already perfect just as he was right now.  
  
"I wish this was real," Elliot whispered, smiled back at him.  
  
"It is. I promise," Tyrell answered and pulled him closer. Elliot rested his head against Tyrell's chest and felt Tyrell kiss him on his hair. Then everything went dark again.  


  


|~|

  


Tyrell was still there when he woke up sober.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! Sorry it took so long, life got in the way. I hope you all have wonderful holidays :)
> 
> Also sorry for any errors & grammar mistakes. Still looking for a Beta reader!


	4. Chapter 4

Elliot woke up in the middle of the night, finally sober again. His head was throbbing and he had the bitter taste of bile on his tongue, felt the immediate need to throw up. He shoved himself upright and ran to the bathroom, made it to the toilet just in time.

He heaved, but there was no food in his stomach that could have come up.

When he got himself under control, he flushed the toilet and shuffled to the wall behind him, breathing heavily.

 _Fuck_. He felt like shit.

Elliot pulled up his legs and hugged them to his chest, noticed that his hands were shaking. Was that withdrawal again? He was relieved to be off his high, but he knew that he would have to re-up on the morphine if he wanted to get rid of the shaking. Elliot leaned his head against the wall, tried to slow down his breaths.

The floorboard creaked and Elliot stilled. It couldn't be Flipper; she was too light to cause any noises. Which meant he wasn't alone. _Shit_.

He turned around slowly and suddenly doubted that he was really sober. Tyrell Wellick was leaning against the doorframe of his bathroom, looking at him.

"What are you doing here?" Elliot asked. His throat was raw and he needed something to drink, but he wasn't going to move anytime soon. He didn't think he could get up by himself. He had spent an eternity in his bed and still felt exhausted. _Fucking drugs._

"I came here because I wanted to see you," Tyrell stated.

_What?_

"But you were in Paris. I saw the pictures, you -"

"Elliot," Tyrell interrupted him softly, crouched down next to him. "I understand that you have a lot of questions. I will answer every single one of them, but first, I'm going to get you an advil. And you might want to shower, too."

"Okay," Elliot murmured, knowing it made no sense to argue with him. He also knew that he didn't have the strength to fight him.

Tyrell got up and stuck out his hand to him. Elliot took it, let himself be pulled up by his boss.

"You're not gonna leave again?" Elliot asked when Tyrell turned around.

"No. We definitely need to talk. Besides… I want to stay. If you will let me," Tyrell gave back.

Fragments of a conversation between Darlene and Tyrell suddenly echoed through his mind.

Tyrell saying _, "I love him, Darlene. I don't want to fight it any longer, either. I want us to be together. For real and not as a secret anymore"_ and Darlene answering, _"You better mean it. I'll kick your ass if you don't."_

Had that really happened?

_If my memories are correct, then Tyrell left Joanna… because of me._

"Yes," Elliot answered.

"Then I'll stay," Tyrell said, smiled at him before he closed the bathroom door behind himself.

Elliot was alone again.

 _Oh god_ , this was crazy. He was in the worst state possible, Tyrell was in his flat and he wanted to talk to him. About what? Their affair? Their future?

But what future? They wouldn't have one. Elliot had already made his decision. He was going to leave New York. He didn't intend to change all of his plans just because Tyrell suddenly had had a change of heart. What if Tyrell had lied to Darlene? What if he would lie to him? His past actions had taught Elliot to be cautious. He had thought he knew Tyrell, but he had turned out wrong. So what did Tyrell want from him now?

His headache got worse while he tried to make sense of this situation. He tried to focus on brushing his teeth and showering so he wouldn't get lost in his thoughts again. That would only result in him panicking even more and he needed a clear mind before he would head into another fight with Tyrell. Because that was the only possibly outcome - them fighting again.

When Elliot got out of the shower, there was a new set of clothes waiting for him on top of the closed toilet seat. A black shirt, blue boxershorts, black sweatpants and even a pair of socks. It was a small act of kindness, but Elliot had never had someone in his life before who would do something like that for him. Tears were suddenly prickling in his eyes and he sniffled, tried to keep them inside. He knew he could blame such an overreaction on him being exhausted, but _fuck_ , his mind repeated one thing over and over again: _Tyrell cares about me._

Elliot dressed slowly, tried to regain some sort of control over himself before he finally left the bathroom. He wasn't ready to face Tyrell. Not at all. But he knew he had to.

Tyrell was leaning against the kitchen counter and looked up from his phone when Elliot got out. He was wearing a green oversized hoodie and grey sweatpants. Why on earth was he dressed like that? To see him like that was odd, even if Elliot found this look kind of cute.

"I never knew you wore hoodies," Elliot commented, attempted a grin that was supposed to break the ice. Tyrell scoffed and Elliot felt stupid.

"Not that often," Tyrell replied, "I would have changed, but I drove straight to you after I arrived at the airport yesterday evening. Didn't want to lose any more time spent without you."

 _Oh. That's... that's..._ Elliot couldn't find a fitting word to describe how much that meant to him. If Tyrell would have known he would find Elliot completely wasted, he would have probably driven home beforehand, though. If Tyrell could have called beforehand, they could have avoided this. Tyrell wouldn't have had to wait for him to sober up and Elliot wouldn't have to feel embarrassed about the fact that Tyrell saw him like this now.

Well, maybe he had called. It wasn't as if Elliot had been able to register it. If it wouldn't have been for Darlene, Tyrell wouldn't have been in his flat in the first place. At least that's what he wanted to believe. But knowing Tyrell, he would have probably picked the lock and let himself in. Wouldn't have been the first time for him.

Regardless, Tyrell had been here with him for the last couple of hours. It was the middle of the night right now. Elliot had made him wait long enough.

"How are you feeling?" Tyrell asked, tearing him out of his thoughts. He was holding out a glass of water and an advil to him, so Elliot took both and swallowed the pill.

"Like shit," Elliot answered, caused Tyrell to chuckle weakly.

"I suppose you're not hungry, then?"

Elliot nodded. The chance was too high that he was only going to throw up again if he would eat now. Instead, he needed to lie down. He stumbled over to his mattress, crashed down on it and pulled the blanket up to his chin.

"Can I join you?" Tyrell asked. Elliot looked up to him, saw that Tyrell was standing in front of the mattress right now. He looked a little bit lost; he lacked histypically dominant stance.

Elliot nodded, shuffled to the side to make enough room for him.

Tyrell didn't hesitate and came lying down next to him. He lifted his hand as if he wanted to touch Elliot, hesitated, seemed to wait if Elliot would move back again. But Elliot stayed where he was, so Tyrell stroked a wet strand of hair out of his face, let his thumb grace over his cheek.

"I would like to kiss you, if that's okay with you?" Tyrell whispered.

"Thought you wanted to talk," Elliot argued. God, why had he just said that? He wanted Tyrell to kiss him. Very much so.

"I do. But I -"

Elliot cut him off by pressing their lips together. Tyrell sighed and cupped his face while Elliot slung an arm around Tyrell's back, pulled their bodies together. Tyrell was so warm and soft, Elliot never wanted to let go of him again. Thankfully, he didn't have to, at least not for a while. They kissed for such a long time that Elliot lost his sense of time. Minutes, hours, days? It didn't matter.

Their kiss started out needy and messy, but they slowed down eventually. After they parted, Elliot rested his head against Tyrell's chest, leaving wet marks on his hoodie. When had he started crying again?

"I'm sorry that I caused you so much pain. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing," Tyrell whispered. He was stroking through Elliot's wet hair and slowly messaged his scalp. It eased the headache a little bit, surprisingly.

"By pretending that you wanted to be with me and then telling me that you never cared about me?" Elliot murmured. He didn't know if he should be that brutally honest to him now. He probably shouldn't tell him about everything he had felt in the past days without him. There had already been a time once when he had opened up to Tyrell and became vulnerable. It hadn't gone well. So he mustn't do the same mistake twice.

But he wanted to. He wanted to trust Tyrell again. This time, Tyrell wouldn't disappoint him again, right?

"I wasn't pretending, Elliot," Tyrell answered, "what I said to you in Berlin... I meant it. I meant all of it. But I was too scared of the consequences. I pushed you away even though I wanted to do the exact opposite."

Elliot looked up to Tyrell, tried to read him. Couldn't.

"How do I know you're not lying to me again?" Elliot asked.

Tyrell untangled his hand from Elliot's hair and held it up for both of them to see. The wedding ring was gone.

"You don't. I understand that I have lost your trust and you have every right to be vary about me and my intentions. All I can do is tell you that I broke up with Joanna and hope you believe me when I say… I did it for of you. Because I fell in love with you. I don't want to fight these feelings and I certainly don't want to keep them a secret anymore."

"You... you love me?" Elliot whispered.

_Is this real? Yes, it is. Oh god. This is really happening right now._

"Yes. For quite some time now," Tyrell replied, attempting a smile.

Elliot was left for words. This was more than he had ever dared to dream of. Tyrell loved him. _Him_.

"Say something, please," Tyrell said with a frown.

"I don't know what to say," Elliot answered truthfully. _I love you, too._ But he couldn't say it back.

_What if Tyrell changes his mind again as soon as he realizes that I'm not worth it?_

"Well, if I'm being honest, I thought this conversation would go a little bit different when I imagined it on the flight home," Tyrell replied with a small grin. "I thought you'd be happy, at least."

"I'm sorry," Elliot mumbled, "I am happy. It's just... I can't."

Tyrell's grin fell from his face and he furrowed his brows.

"I don't understand. Why not? We want to be together. There's nothing holding us back anymore."

"I'm leaving," Elliot mumbled.

 _No. No, why are you ruining this? Don't do this_ , Mr. Robot yelled at him. He didn't materialize next to them, but kept lurking in the back of his mind, worsening his headache again.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to leave, Tyrell. I don't intend to come back," Elliot explained. Tyrell's expression changed from confusion into sorrow and he shook his head in disbelief.

"No, please, don't do this. I know we can fix this -"

"I'm not leaving because of you." _Well, partly._ "I need a fresh start somewhere else."

"When did you make that decision?" Tyrell asked. He shoved himself upright and sat down cross-legged, didn't take his gaze off of Elliot. _God, please don't look at me like that. As if I just shattered all your hopes._

"A while ago," Elliot admitted. He had had that longing to run off for so long now, he didn't even remember when he had first thought about doing it. That's why his decision was final. Tyrell and their breakup was just the last push he had needed to go through with this plan.

"Elliot, please don't do this."

Elliot looked up to Tyrell, saw his eyes fill with tears. _No. Don't._ Elliot's chest tightened.

"Please don't leave me," Tyrell whispered.

"Tyrell..." Elliot started, but he knew he couldn't find any words to make it better.

But he had to leave. For his own sake, for his own sanity.

For so long Elliot had believed that his future was supposed to be filled with greatness. That he was born to lead a revolution that would save the world.

But in the last months, he had abandoned that. He had realized that the world was better off without him trying to make it right. He couldn't even fix his own life... who was he to believe that he could save the world, then? How arrogant could someone be? How dumb and naive?

Elliot was a nobody. He was nothing.

He had known that well before Dream-Tyrell had told him that in his morphine-weed hallucinations.

"Say something," Tyrell demanded, took Elliot's hands in his.

"You can't actually believe that there could be a future for us together," Elliot gave back.

"Of course I can. Elliot, from the first time we met… I felt something between us. I knew we were meant to be. At first I only thought it meant that we were supposed to work together, but I was wrong. Those feelings we have for each other... this was what I knew would happen. Elliot, please, I'm begging you. Don't do this to us."

_Listen to him, kiddo. You love this guy and he loves you. He was the only thing in the past that has truly made you feel good, don't you remember? And now you want to push him away again? He gave up his marriage for you. I'm sure he would do everything for you. Maybe he'd even die for you, Elliot. Don't give this up. Give him a chance. Please._

Elliot pushed himself upright, so that he was sitting opposite of Tyrell and pulled him into a hug. Partly because seeing him cry felt like a thousand tiny stabs into his heart and partly because he didn't know what to answer.

What if Mr. Robot was right?

_You know that I am. You were miserable without him. Sure, you were miserable before, but that's not your fault. Tyrell won't be able to fix you, kiddo. But he could make your life a little less horrible._

"At least tell me where you're going," Tyrell murmured, still holding on to him. Neither of them wanted to let go. This was fine.

"Berlin," Elliot admitted.

Tyrell chuckled weakly. "Berlin? Is that supposed to be a joke?"

"Why should that be a joke?" Elliot asked. Tyrell wriggled out of the hug and cupped his face again. Elliot looked into his eyes, saw the remnants of tears on his whimpers.

"Because I realized that I love you when we were in Berlin. I wanted to stay there forever with you."

_Oh._

Elliot leaned in to kiss him.

_Don't let go of this. Hold on to him. Please, Elliot. For your own sake._

"Please, Elliot," Tyrell breathed out in-between kisses. "If I can't make you stay... can I at least come with you? We could make it work. Just you and me."

Elliot opened his eyes, looked into Tyrell's deep blue ones right in front of him.

"I don't know, Tyrell."

_What if we screw it up? What if I take him with me and we break up again? Would he go back? Can I really force him to leave his whole life behind him? For me? He worked so hard to get where he is at Evil Corp. I'm not worth the risk._

"I don't think you'd want to leave everything behind just to be with someone like me. You think you love me, but you don't even know me. You don't know how truly fucked up I am. But you will, if you do this. And once you realize who I am, you're not going to stay. You'll leave me and go back, but there would be nothing to go back to. I can't make you give up everything just to regret it later on. No, Tyrell," Elliot said.

Tyrell didn't react. He was still staring at him, didn't even blink.

"You don't know what?" Tyrell asked.

_What?_

_I didn't say anything out loud. Fuck._

Had Mr. Robot kept him from doing that? Did he not want him to open up to Tyrell like this?

"No, don't say anything," Tyrell started, suddenly straightening his back. _Oh no._ Elliot knew this meant Tyrell had made a plan. He wasn't going to accept a 'no'.

"Let's make a deal: let me come with you. Give me two weeks and let me show you that I really mean it. And if you still don't want me by your side after that, I'll go back and let you stay in Berlin. I won't bother you anymore. Just give me this one chance to make it right."

_Say yes, Elliot._

_Do I have a choice?_

"Please," Tyrell murmured and his voice cracked.

Elliot inhaled deeply, closed his eyes, exhaled, opened them again.

"Okay. I'll give you one week. I'm leaving on the fifth."

 

**|~|**

 

The next morning, Elliot was woken up by soft lips against his.

This time, he didn't shy away from it. He knew it was Tyrell.

Elliot kissed him back, only stopped when Tyrell started to laugh softly.

"Good morning, _älskling_ ," Tyrell said, "or not really. It's already noon."

Elliot grinned back at him.

Soon after Elliot had given in to Tyrell's proposition last night, they had gone back to sleep. That had been around four AM. Considering that, sleeping until noon seemed to be justified.

"How long have you been awake?" Elliot asked.

Tyrell shuffled closer to him, let one hand wander around his back, settling on his hip. He pushed Elliot's shirt up and started playing with the waistband of his sweatpants, caused goosebumps to form all over his skin.

"Long enough to extend both our vacation days until the twelfth of January. Scott was delighted, actually. He's glad to have us off of his back, I suppose," Tyrell said. Elliot would have laughed, if it weren't for the fact that Tyrell was trailing kisses over his neck and his collarbone while he spoke. Elliot bit his lip, didn't want Tyrell to give the satisfaction of knowing how much he was turning him on right now.

"I also texted Darlene that we are doing fine and that there's no need to come over anytime soon," he went on.

"Great," Elliot breathed out.

"I know," Tyrell gave back with a smirk, before he rolled himself on top of Elliot and crashed their lips together. Elliot grabbed the hem of Tyrell's hoodie and pulled it over his head, threw it next to them on the ground.

Tyrell rubbed their hips together and groaned when their erections met through the fabric. _God, that sound._ That definitely did things to Elliot. _Fuck_.

"I want you so much," Tyrell murmured, broke their kiss. "I thought about this so many times."

Tyrell pulled down Elliot's sweatpants along with his boxershorts. His hand wrapped around Elliot's dick and Elliot couldn't help himself; he moaned, loud and deep.

"Lube, top drawer on your right," Elliot choked out.

"One second," Tyrell answered. His hands vanished from Elliot's body when he lifted himself up to reach out for the handle of the drawer. While Tyrell was busy trying to get lube and condoms out, Elliot got rid of his shirt and the rest of Tyrell's clothes, leaving both of them finally naked.

"Would now be a good time to tell you that I want you to fuck me?" Tyrell asked when he turned back to him.

_Oh._

Tyrell knelt down before him on the mattress. Elliot pushed himself up on his elbows so Tyrell wouldn't be looking down at him anymore.

Elliot grabbed the back of Tyrell's neck, wanted to pull him closer again, but Tyrell resisted.

"You... sure? We've never -" Elliot stammered.

"I know," Tyrell cut him off, "but I'm ready to hand the last bit of control over to you. Kind of fits our situation, don't you think?"

"Don't get sentimental now," Elliot remarked, put more pressure behind his grip and finally managed to pull Tyrell down on him.

"Was that a yes or a no?" Tyrell asked.

"That was a no," Elliot answered, grinned when Tyrell's smirk vanished out of his face.

_I want you to beg for it._

Elliot pushed him to the side and brought himself on top of Tyrell, grabbed both of his wrists and pinned them above his head on the pillow. Tyrell gasped, tried to close the distance between their lips but Elliot stayed out of reach.

"Stay like this. Don't touch me," Elliot demanded. Tyrell swallowed audibly, nodded.

Elliot let go of him again and took condom and lube out of Tyrell's hand, sat up on his knees. Elliot ripped the package open and pulled the condom over Tyrell's cock, slicked him up with lube.

Without any further preparations, Elliot positioned himself and sat down on his dick. And _fuck_ , it burned like hell, but this was exactly what Elliot had wanted.

"Fuck, Elliot," Tyrell groaned, dug his nails into the pillow. He didn't move his arms away. _Good_. Tyrell was still obeying him. Elliot felt a thrill of power surge through his body as he slowly started to move himself up and down on Tyrell's cock. Their eyes locked and Elliot smirked.

While Elliot fucked himself on Tyrell's dick, he opened the bottle of lube again, let a good potion of it drizzle on his hand and then wrapped it around his own cock. Elliot didn't stop looking into Tyrell's eyes, which flickered between Elliot's and his dick.

"Fuck, can I -" Tyrell started, lifted one arm to touch him but Elliot stopped him mid-air.

"No."

"Do you really want to say no to me?" Tyrell asked, started to move his hips upwards in time with Elliot.

"I think I just did, yeah," Elliot answered out of breath.

"I think you might want to reconsider your answer."

Tyrell intertwined their fingers.

"No."

"No?"

All of a sudden Tyrell took ahold of his hips and shoved him. Elliot fell backwards and crashed onto the mattress. The impact was hard enough to knock all air out f Elliot; Tyrell landing on top of him didn't exactly make that better.

Elliot gasped for air and frowned at Tyrell. "What -" Elliot started, but his boss didn't give him any time to recollect himself. Instead, he started to pound into him. Elliot's dick was trapped between their stomachs and Tyrell intertwined his other hand with Elliot's as well, pressed both of them onto the mattress. Elliot was at his mercy again. And no matter how much Elliot had liked being in charge for a few minutes, this was what he knew. To let Tyrell take control, to be dominated by him. This was what Elliot had missed; he didn't want it any other way. Not yet.

"Fuck, Tyrell, don't stop," Elliot murmured when Tyrell's thrusts met his prostate just right. Tyrell moaned his name and kissed him. _Fuck_ , how much he had missed that.

Elliot knew that Tyrell loved to kiss him, especially during sex. Elliot had never bothered with it before; it was too intimate and required too much body contact. But _god_ , Tyrell's tongue in his mouth made him forget how to breathe. _Don't ever leave me again._

"Oh my god Elliot, what the fuck?" someone shouted. Elliot's heart skipped a beat. _Shit_.

Tyrell stopped kissing him and looked up while Elliot turned his head around. Darlene and Angela were standing in the middle of his flat, staring at them with wide eyes. Angela was even covering her mouth with one hand while Darlene looked mad as hell.

For a split second, Elliot wanted to shove Tyrell off of him, but then he'd be completely exposed to the girls. _Fuck, what to do, what to do -_

Tyrell pulled the blanket over them, seemed to have had the same train of thought as Elliot. Even though Elliot would've bet that Tyrell wouldn't mind being caught naked. His body was perfect, after all.

"What are you doing here?" Elliot asked and finally pushed Tyrell off of him. He winced a bit when Tyrell's dick slipped out of him and his own erection twitched with neglect. Elliot flipped over onto his stomach to hide it.

"I told you he's fine," Angela murmured, but Darlene threw her hands up in the air before she started yelling.

"What we're doing here? Fuck, Elliot, you were the one to send me a cryptic text! Jesus fucking Christ, I thought something happened to you."

"I didn't text you at all," Elliot gave back.

 _God_ , this was not happening right now. His younger sister and his childhood best friend had just caught him having sex with his boss. It didn't matter that they had known they were having an affair, this was just... fuck, this couldn't be real.

But it was.

"I did," Tyrell spoke up. Wait, Tyrell had texted Darlene from _his_ phone? Since when did he even know his password? _How_?

"Well, fuck me, but maybe you should have signed that text with your name, then. 'Everything's perfect, no need to come over', that's not a thing Elliot would write."

"Jesus, Tyrell," Elliot murmured, covered his face with his hands.

"What? I told you I texted her," Tyrell mumbled, frowned at him as if this was Elliot's fault, too. "I hadn't intended for this to happen."

"Let's hope that's right, asshole," Darlene deadpanned. The corner of Angela's mouth twitched, but she kept herself from laughing. Elliot wanted to throw something at her. This wasn't funny at all. _Fuck_ , he was so mortified.

"Okay, it was my fault, sorry everyone, false alarm. Clearly, we're alright," Tyrell stated.

"I think we saw that," Angela remarked with a grin, raised an eyebrow in Elliot's direction. _Please stop mocking me._

"I swear to god, I'm not gonna be able to unsee this. Thanks, you idiots," Darlene snarled. "I'm out of here. Angela?"

"Coming in a second," Angela said. _What now?_

"That's what he said," Darlene muttered under her breath. Tyrell snorted and Elliot elbowed him, shot him an annoyed glance from the side.

"What is it, Angela?" Elliot groaned. _Couldn't this wait?_

"Tyrell, I'm doing this party on New Years Eve and I was wondering whether you would like to come, too? As Elliot's boyfriend, maybe?" she asked, held her breath while she glanced at Elliot. _As my boyfriend? Seriously?_ Elliot really wanted to throw something at her now, preferably something heavy.

"He's not my boyfriend," Elliot snapped before Tyrell was able to answer. "And you said this was going to be a small thing. When did it grow into a party?"

"Well, it was always going to be a party. But I wanted you to come, that's why I told you it was going to be small," Angela clarified.

_Oh. She lied to me. Nice. Really fucking nice._

"So?" Angela asked when Tyrell kept quiet. Elliot looked at him, found him already staring back.

"Would you be okay with that?" Tyrell asked him.

 _Stop. No._ Elliot wasn't ready to act as... boyfriends with Tyrell. Not in private and for sure as hell not in public.

 _Fuck_ , Elliot hadn't even decided whether he wanted to be with him yet and _Tyrell knew this._

"Can I think about it?" Elliot replied. He watched Tyrell's eyebrows go up for a moment until he got the hint. Those were the words Elliot had used when Tyrell had offered him a position at Evil Corp an eternity ago. And Tyrell seemed to understand that he used it again now to code a 'no'.

"Sure. You two discuss that and call me later," Angela said. Elliot nodded without looking at her, kept his gaze on Tyrell.

"Come on now," Darlene spoke up. Elliot saw them leave out of the corner of his eye, heard the door fall shut behind them.

Tyrell let out a relieved sigh, turned over to lie down on his back.

"So... where were we?" Tyrell grinned, reached out to cup the back of his neck.

Elliot shook his head and Tyrell lowered his hand, sighed again.

"Elliot, I really don't need to come to Angela's party. I understand that you're not ready."

"Not ready for what?" Elliot asked. Did Tyrell really understand his problem or was he just trying to act empathetic?

"We've kept it a secret for so long. Naturally you're scared to make it official."

"We're not a couple, Tyrell. I told you that last night."

Tyrell pressed his lips into a thin line. _Great_ , now he was getting mad at him. Elliot really didn't need that right now. Hadn't Tyrell listened to him last night?

"Up until a few minutes ago you had my dick in your ass, I think that kind of invalidates your argument from last night," Tyrell stated.

"Seriously?" Elliot groaned. He was getting annoyed at him, too. Why was he doing this now? Elliot had thought they had come to an agreement last night. This was just stupid.

"Yes, seriously, Elliot. Just cut the bullshit and tell me what you want."

"I don't know what I want," Elliot snapped. "And I told you that yesterday. You need to start to listen to me."

Tyrell pushed himself upright and stood up, avoided looking back at him. He pulled the used condom from his dick and grabbed his boxer briefs, slipped into them.

"You know what, Elliot? The last thing I heard come out of your mouth was 'fuck, Tyrell, don't stop'. You know what I'm starting to believe? I think you don't even want to bother getting serious with me. I think you just don't want to reject me so that we keep fucking."

_What the hell? No, no, no, no, no -_

"What?" Elliot choked out. "Are you fucking serious right now?"

Elliot jumped up as well. Tyrell had put on his sweatpants by now, but he hesitated to put on his hoodie when Elliot came towards him.

"Yes, Elliot. I am dead serious. I was also serious when I told you that I loved you. And I don't know, I kind of assumed that you loved me back. Sorry when I was wrong about that."

Tyrell turned away from him, but Elliot caught the pain that was flashing all over his face.

 _Fuck_.

"No," Elliot stammered. "That's not true."

_Shit. I have to tell him that I love him, don't I? I have to say it. He needs to hear it._

But he couldn't. He watched Tyrell finish getting dressed while he barely managed to slip into his boxershorts.

"Don't leave," Elliot whispered, so low that he was sure Tyrell didn't catch it. Tears burned in his eyes and Elliot couldn't hold them back.

He had screwed up. How long had they lasted together? Not even half a day and Tyrell was already sick of him.

"Are you out of your mind? Fix this!" Mr. Robot yelled, suddenly stood in front of him. Panic mixed with adrenaline, froze his blood to ice. Elliot couldn't move.

Not even when Tyrell glanced at him one last time before he opened the front door. Their eyes met. Tyrell hesitated.

And suddenly he closed the door again and took big steps towards Elliot. He put a hand flat on Elliot's chest and shoved him until his back hit the wall. Tyrell cursed in Swedish before he pressed their lips together.

Their kiss was desperate. They barely stopped to breathe, neither of them willing to let go of the other. Elliot felt new tears on his cheeks, wasn't entirely sure if they were his own or Tyrell's.

Elliot mumbled his name, once, twice, but Tyrell didn't stop kissing him. A sob escaped Elliot's mouth, was swallowed by Tyrell's lips.

Elliot cupped his face and forced him to stop. He opened his eyes, leaned his forehead against Tyrell's, felt his breath on his face.

"I love you," Elliot whispered.

 

**|~|**

 

New Year's Eve had arrived sooner than Elliot wanted.

He was currently walking to Angela's apartment with Tyrell by his side.

After Elliot had admitted that he loved him, Tyrell had been incredibly relieved. Even though Elliot had been sure that it had been completely obvious, it turned out that Tyrell really hadn't known it, after all.

Elliot hadn't strayed from their earlier agreement, but he had agreed on a few small changes.

They had spent the last days together, trying out as a... couple. Elliot barely dared to think it, but it was true. Tyrell Wellick and Elliot Alderson were in a relationship. Them, a couple. _Boyfriends_.

It was still surreal to him.

Tonight was supposed to be another try-out for them. Tyrell had reminded him that this would be Elliot's last night together with all of his friends. So he had proposed the idea that Tyrell would come with him to the party as his boyfriend. "If I can't convince you to come back with me, then you don't have to worry about the impression they got of us at New Year's Eve," Tyrell had said and Elliot had agreed. He wasn't coming back. It didn't matter what the others would think of them tonight, would it?

But even though Elliot told himself that he was just trying out how this would felt, he knew this was one of the things he had wanted to have. When he had seen Tyrell with Joanna at the dinner party together, he had wished he could be at her place. He had wanted to be the one by Tyrell's side. The one he showed off to the others, the one he laughed with, the one who never vanished from his side. Elliot had wanted to be _his_. And tonight, he had the chance for that.

"Are you okay?" Tyrell asked him while they entered the elevator. Elliot pressed the button that would bring them to level twelve and the doors closed.

"Think so," Elliot gave back. He hadn't told Tyrell that he had re-upped on morphine before Tyrell had picked him up at his flat. He also didn't know that Elliot had another dose with him, just in case.

"It'll be fine, _älskling_ ," Tyrell said, planted a small kiss on his lips. Tyrell hadn't missed out on any opportunity to kiss him in the past days and Elliot had let him. But Tyrell knew that Elliot wanted to limit their PDA to a minimum tonight. It was going to be embarrassing enough without Tyrell making it worse. Elliot had no idea who would be at the party, could merely guess that a bunch of his old colleagues from AllSafe would be there. Shayla would also swing by later, potentially bringing the guy she had started to see with her. Darlene and Cisco would come... _god, what am I doing? I'm about to introduce Tyrell as my fucking boyfriend to almost everyone I know. This is going to be one hell of a weird night._

They arrived at level twelve and the elevator doors opened with a ping. Elliot took one last breath to steady himself, grabbed Tyrell's hand.

"Sure?" Tyrell asked him.

"No," Elliot admitted. The least he wanted to do was enter the party holding hands with Tyrell. But it would answer the first question he would have to answer: _why are you bringing your boss to a party?_

Elliot would have to explain that Tyrell wasn't his boss tonight, but rather his... boyfriend. God, how much he hated that word. It sounded so childish. But 'partner' was too intimate. 'Partner' suggested spending your life together and Elliot wasn't ready to think in that dimension just yet.

"We don't have to do this, Elliot," Tyrell added when they halted in front of Angela's front door.

"You want to. And... I want it, too," Elliot mumbled, rang the doorbell. He heard faint pop music, so he wasn't sure if anyone would hear it ring.

Just before the door swung open, Elliot let go of Tyrell's hand again. His heart was racing and he could barely breathe.

Gideon opened the door... wait, Angela had invited Gideon? _Why? Oh god, no. No, no, no -_

"Hey Elliot and… Mr. Wellick?" Gideon said, frowned for a moment when his eyes fell on Tyrell. _Shit_. This was the worst idea ever. Elliot fought the urge to turn on his heels and flee.

"Good evening, Mr. Goddard," Tyrell replied. Elliot heard the smile in his voice. "Normally I'd keep the etiquette, but I suppose we're both here to enjoy ourselves tonight, aren't we? So please, call me Tyrell."

Tyrell stuck out his hand and Gideon shook it. "Great to hear that. Come in, you two," Gideon said, smiled back at them and took a step to the side to make room for them. Elliot went ahead, Tyrell right behind him.

Angela's apartment was packed. There were so many people here already that Elliot almost stopped walking. Tyrell and he had deliberately arrived a little later as planned, but he had believed they wouldn't be the only ones to do so. It was barely nine o'clock.

Elliot followed Gideon into the kitchen, halted in front of the fridge. Tyrell stood next to him and looked around. He had never been here before, had he? Of course not. Why should he?

"Do you want a beer?" Gideon asked. Did Tyrell even like beer? Elliot had only ever seen him drink champagne... and _glögg_ , of course.

"Sure," Tyrell answered.

"Babe, who said you were supposed to serve every new guest?"

Elliot turned around and spotted Harry, Gideon's husband, walking towards them. He was carrying two bottles of beer and held them out to Tyrell and Elliot. They both took them and Elliot got out a lighter to open them.

" _Skål_ ," Tyrell said to Elliot, let their bottles clink together and took a sip, didn't stop looking at Elliot. _If he keeps doing that, we'll get caught._

_No. That's fine. We can't get caught anymore. We're official._

"So, Tyrell, what brings you here? I heard you were spending the holidays in Paris with your wife," Gideon asked. Tyrell broke their eye contact and politely smiled at Gideon.

"Ex-wife, actually. I'm with Elliot… tonight," he answered. Elliot held his breath, focused on looking at his beer instead of his former boss.

"Oh, you're a couple? That's great," Harry answered quickly, probably even meant it. Elliot had met him one time at the dinner party with the AllSafe team a while back and had thought that Harry was a thoroughly good person. He fit Gideon's worried nature, seemed to be his perfect counterpart.

"Bit of a shock, though, I've got to admit that," Gideon commented. Out of the corner of his eye, Elliot caught Gideon staring at him with question marks all over his face. "For how long has this been going on between you two now?"

Elliot answered "a couple of days," at the same time that Tyrell said "a few months".

_Great. Nailed that. We probably should've discussed that beforehand._

Harry raised an eyebrow and Tyrell laughed.

"It was complicated," Tyrell added without further explanation. Elliot could see that Gideon was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that his former employee and his current boss had become a couple. Elliot couldn't blame him. He still wasn't able to believe it, either.

"Ah, I see the queers have all found each other, I'm gonna fit right in."

Darlene turned up to Elliot's right, smirked at them.

"I'm Darlene, Elliot's sister," she introduced herself to Gideon and Harry. They did, too, but Darlene merely glanced at them.

Elliot felt an arm slip around his hips and tensed. Tyrell instantly pulled it back again, but Elliot looked up to him, mumbled, "it's fine."

So Tyrell pulled him closer again until Elliot's body met his and their hips touched. He took another sip of his beer and smiled at him, causing Elliot to smile back out of instinct. His heart was beating so fast that he thought everyone could hear it and his skin prickled hot.

This was exactly what he had wanted. They were here, in public. _Together_. This wasn't a dream. This was real.

"Elliot, why is your boyfriend still overdressed? I told you to take care that he wouldn't be," Darlene asked, elbowed him with a cheeky grin on her face.

 _My boyfriend._ Elliot grinned back at her.

Tyrell wore a white dress shirt and a somewhat casual suit coat. Elliot liked his look a lot; he thought that ties always turned Tyrell into a business man. Which was fine at work, but he was glad that he had been able to convince Tyrell to get rid of the tie earlier.

"I think he looks fine," Elliot heard himself answer, hadn't thought about his words beforehand.

"Thank you," Tyrell whispered, suddenly even closer than before. His lips grazed over Elliot's left ear and the touch sent goosebumps over his spine.

"I'm gonna go for a smoke, you wanna come with?" Darlene spoke up.

 _No,_ Elliot thought. Actually, he wanted to stay like this.

But Tyrell already pulled his arm back again so that Elliot would be free to leave.

"Okay," Elliot gave back, quickly glanced at Tyrell. His boss - no, his boyfriend - would be fine without him. He was a master at smalltalk. In a few minutes he would probably be talking to Gideon about work, anyway.

When Elliot followed Darlene through a crowd of people he had never seen before, he turned around for one last glance. Tyrell was looking right back and winked at him. Elliot's heart skipped a beat. _Jesus._

"Come on, loser," Darlene said. She had parted the crowd a little bit, enough so that Elliot wouldn't have to touch anyone else while he followed her.

They met Angela talking to a few girls on the balcony, smoking as well. She spotted them immediately, said something to her friends and then came towards them, pulled Elliot into a hug.

"Where's Tyrell?" she asked. She was wearing a short, dark blue dress and a white suit coat over it. She was probably freezing her ass off.

"Inside, talking to Gideon," Elliot answered and lit up his cigarette.

"So you already got sick of him?" Angela joked.

"No, I don't think that's possible," Elliot gave back truthfully.

"Aw, how sweet," Darlene mocked him and he rolled his eyes. They both knew she was happy for him. She could mock him all that she wanted; Elliot wasn't about to get offended. Not tonight.

"I'm very glad that you two worked it out," Angela added and patted his shoulder lightly.

Darlene was still fumbling to find a cigarette, until Angela got one out and stuck it out to her. Since when was she smoking on regular basis? Had Darlene rubbed off on her that much? Elliot knew they had continued to hang out after Christmas, even went to a few clubs together. _Girls' night out_ , as Darlene had put it.

"Have you seen Cisco?" Darlene asked after they had smoked a few drags in silence.

"Yes, he was talking to Lloyd a few minutes ago. In my bedroom," Angela answered.

"Who the fuck is Lloyd?" Darlene gave back and Elliot laughed.

"Asian guy, almost bald, glasses. Works at AllSafe," he explained. He emptied his beer and absently started to peel off the tag.

"Since when do you drink beer? You hate it," Darlene remarked.

"Peer pressure," Elliot deadpanned. It wasn't even a lie. He had been kind of forced to drink a couple of beers in Germany, since the Germans half-expected every tourist to want it. Elliot had started to get used to it. But mostly he hadn't wanted to turn down Harry when he had gotten it for them.

"Your Swede's rubbing off on you," Darlene stated, scoffed as if that annoyed her.

"And that's a bad thing?" Elliot shot back, a half-serious grin on his face.

"Haven't decided yet," Darlene replied.

 _Okay?_ She didn't trust Tyrell yet. Elliot couldn't blame her; he expected Tyrell to turn on him, too. Who knew if all of this wouldn't shatter in a few days?

But tonight, Elliot didn't want to doubt Tyrell's intentions. Tonight, he wanted to be happy. And he was.

 

**|~|**

 

A while later, Elliot found himself on the balcony again, a cigarette between his lips and a glass of red wine in his hand now. He was leaning against the balcony rail and looked inside, watched the others chat and enjoy themselves. Tyrell was currently talking to Angela in the living room and Elliot saw them both laugh at the same time. He felt the corners of his lips pull up into a smile. His boyfriend and his best friend seemed to be getting along great. This was a good start, wasn't it?

"So, kiddo, do you really wanna tell me that being with him is the wrong choice?"

Mr. Robot walked towards him.

"It's still too early to decide on that," Elliot gave back. Mr. Robot scoffed.

"Oh yeah? It's been five days since he came back from Paris for you. And just look at you smile. I don't ever remember you smiling like that."

"That's because I didn't create you to be there with me when I'm fine," Elliot replied. Mr. Robot was the manifestation of his trauma. His luck with Tyrell had nothing to do with him. It was kind of weird to have him here now, when Elliot didn't need him.

The balcony door opened and Tyrell stepped out, also with a glass of wine in his hand and still grinning.

"Hey, babe," he called over and laughed.

"Don't call me that," Elliot replied, smirked back at him.

"Everyone else does it," Tyrell gave back. He halted in front of him and put his arms down on Elliot's shoulders. Out of instinct, Elliot's hands wandered under Tyrell's suit coat and settled on his hips.

"It's ridiculous," Elliot resisted. Their faces were inches apart and Elliot longed to kiss him, but Tyrell didn't make any intention to move in first, so Elliot held himself back. Did it bother him that everyone could see them through the windows? Elliot realized that he was tipsy enough to say that he didn't care.

"Yet you seem to like it when I call you _älskling_ ," Tyrell mocked him.

Elliot rolled his eyes. "What does it mean, anyway?"

"What, you don't know?" Tyrell asked. His eyes grew wide with disbelief. Elliot couldn't exactly blame him. Tyrell had used that nickname for him about a hundred times in the past months.

"Never got around to ask you when you first said it. Was too embarrassed to do it later," Elliot admitted. Normally, he would have blamed his honesty on the alcohol in his system. But this was ridiculous. Maybe the alcohol made it easier for him, but Elliot knew that hehad started to like being honest to Tyrell. There had been so many lies in the past that Elliot craved something real. It still slightly terrified Elliot to be so open with him, but he hoped he would get used to it.

Getting used to being with Tyrell. God, Elliot wanted that.

"I can't believe you're only telling me that now. I'm sorry, Elliot," Tyrell commented. Elliot shrugged and Tyrell pressed a soft kiss on his lips, smiled when they parted again.

"So, _älskling_ can basically be translated to 'darling'. In Swedish, 'to love' means ' _att älska_ ' and you can use ' _älsklings_ -' when you want to describe something as your favorite thing. ' _Älsklingsdryck_ ' would mean 'favorite drink', then," Tyrell explained.

"The more you know, right?" Tyrell added, laughed again softly. Elliot suddenly found that he wanted to listen to him laugh forever. What was up with him? He had that annoying twinge in his stomach again, couldn't get rid of the warm feeling that was spreading through his body.

"What are you thinking about right now?"

Tyrell cocked his head at him, moved slightly backwards when Elliot leaned in for another kiss.

 _I was thinking about how much I have fallen for you,_ Elliot thought.

"You," Elliot said.

"I tell you what 'to love' means in Swedish and you think about me?" Tyrell remarked.

_Oh. Well. Yes._

Elliot nodded slightly and Tyrell's eyes lit up.

"Okay," Tyrell added.

"Hey, are you coming in? The countdown's starting!" someone called out to them from inside. Tyrell turned around, lifted his arms back up from his shoulders and Elliot let go of him.

"Sure," Tyrell answered, intertwined Elliot's hand with his and pulled him forward.

"One minute!" Shayla shouted just as Elliot and Tyrell got inside. Elliot searched for Angela or Darlene, couldn't find them among the crowd. But Tyrell kept walking, made his way through the people until they arrived in the kitchen. And suddenly they were in front of Darlene.

"About time, idiot," she said to him, but Elliot let it slide. Angela was there as well, leaning against Ollie's chest.

"Any resolutions for 2016?" Tyrell asked and his look roamed over all of them. He hadn't let go of Elliot's hand yet and Elliot hoped that he wouldn't.

"Change the world!" Darlene called out, winking at Elliot.

Elliot remembered that he needed to tell her he was quitting FSociety. But not tonight.

"I don't believe in that stuff," Angela remarked with a shrug, was scolded by Ollie immediately. They started bickering, but Elliot stopped listening.

"What about you, Elliot?" Tyrell asked.

"Me neither," he answered, shrugged. Resolutions for a new year were just stupid. _If you want to change something, you can just do it on any day of the year._ Not that anyone wanted to hear his real opinion now, though.

The crowd started to count backwards from ten and Tyrell pulled him closer.

"Wanna know mine?" Tyrell whispered, so Elliot nodded.

"I want to prove myself to you. I want to show you that I'm worth it. I want to be with you, Elliot. Because I love you."

Elliot looked up to him, got lost in his eyes.

"Three, two, one..."

Tyrell kissed him.

"Happy New Year! **"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Wishing you all a great start into 2018 :)


	5. Chapter 5

Tyrell's heart was heavy.

He had never cared much for airports. His first experience had been one of bliss - Tyrell remembered the airport of Stockholm, how he had been pacing up and down the gate while he clutched his one-way-ticket to New York in his hands, trying to ease his anxiety. Back then, his family hadn't known that Tyrell had no intention to come back to them. He hadn't even told his younger sister, despite knowing that she would've been able to understand him and his need to leave. The reason for the flight was a job interview at ECorp for a cybersecurity engineer position that he craved to have. He had sensed that this could be the start of the career he was craving, so he had set all his hopes on this opportunity. Gladly, it had paid off. Tyrell wasn't particularly fond of remembering those times when he had been a nobody, fresh out of college with no work experience and growling with impatience.

Tyrell shoved that memory out of his mind again but took a short moment to appreciate how far he had come in the past years. Nowadays he took the company jet or the helicopter whenever he had to go somewhere, and frankly, he had lost track of how many times that had happened by now. Sure, the first time had been special; there had been the thrill of achievement, of hard work having paid off, of recognition. But over the years, even that had become a natural thing for him. He went wherever his bosses and colleagues needed him to be, without any questions. Tyrell truly loved working for ECorp. He couldn't imagine doing anything else for a living.

Again, Tyrell tried to empty his mind. He wasn't typically one to dwell on memories and it really wasn't appropriate for his current situation.

At the moment, Tyrell was saying goodbye to Elliot at the JFK International Airport. He was going to take the next flight to Berlin… without him.

Tyrell had told him that he would follow as soon as he could manage, but deep down he knew that he needed at least another week to make it through the chaos that was waiting for him at work. He had been forced to make a decision between being there for Scott and Jensen at ECorp or to leave them behind to follow Elliot. And Tyrell had chosen ECorp over Elliot, without a single doubt. But with Elliot right in front of him now he suddenly wasn't so sure anymore.

"You didn't have to do this, you know," Elliot spoke up, tore Tyrell out of his head. Tyrell spotted the number of Elliot's gate a few meters away from them and came to a halt next to his boyfriend. He glanced at his phone, tried to keep himself from reading the notifications but failed; four missed calls from Jensen, one missed call from Scott, thirty-two unread emails, three unread text messages… when he pocketed his phone Tyrell still didn't know what time it was.

"I know, but I wanted to," Tyrell answered and looked back at Elliot.

 _Jävla_ , Tyrell didn't want to let him go. Why had he been so stupid to let himself be convinced by Scott to postpone his vacation days? He had always prided himself with his reliability, so Scott had exploited that by _actually_ asking for his help, instead of just demanding it... as if he had known that this was what he needed to be persuaded. Maybe Tyrell should've chosen to go with Elliot instead of working. He realized that this was something he had never done for Joanna. Work had always been more important than her, even when she had gotten pregnant. Suddenly he was filled with the burning desire to do better with Elliot. He was scared that their love would slip away as quickly as his and Joanna's had, had no intentions for this to happen at all.

Tyrell lifted a hand to rest it on Elliot's shoulder, smiled at him when Elliot didn't shy away from his touch like usual. He noticed it as progress; their first time in Berlin, Elliot had violently jerked his hand away when Tyrell's fingers had brushed against his on the street. He had flinched when Tyrell had told him that no one would care and taken the opportunity to remind him that they weren't a couple.

Well, now they were… kind of. Not yet, but almost.

"Don't be fooled, I only did this for my own, selfish needs," Tyrell added with a smirk, "I wanted to see you until the very last minute."

"I don't understand how you didn't grow tired of me yet," Elliot murmured, looked over to the hallway of the airport instead of holding his gaze.

Tyrell let his thumb stroke over the fabric of his hoodie, felt Elliot relax into his touch now. _If he's comfortable with this, maybe he will let me kiss him goodbye?_

"I don't think I ever will," Tyrell answered truthfully, kept his eyes locked on Elliot's face.

"That's a lie, but whatever," Elliot replied, "I gotta get going."

 _No, stay,_ Tyrell thought, but managed to keep his smile locked in place.

"Yes, probably," Tyrell said, "text me when you've landed, okay?"

"Okay," Elliot murmured and turned away from him. This was his cue to let go of him, but Tyrell didn't want to, couldn't will himself to do so. _Just stay, please, you don't have to do this,_ he wanted to say but kept his mouth shut. He had already tried to convince him so many times that both of them were sick of it. Elliot's decision had been made; Tyrell had to respect that. Didn't mean he had to like it, though.

"Can I kiss you?" Tyrell whispered, his breath caught in his throat. Elliot licked over bottom lip and swallowed, quickly looked around them, as if it would matter that people could watch. Elliot hesitated for a second and silence stretched out between them. Maybe that had been too much to ask for; surely Elliot didn't want them to be seen like this in public.

"Yeah," Elliot gave back. _Oh?_ Tyrell blinked, thought he had misheard when Elliot made no move to go first. But he rarely ever did, so, Tyrell knew this didn't mean that he didn't want it. Normally, Tyrell didn't mind Elliot's shyness; he was used to taking whatever he wanted, anyway. But only with Elliot's consent, of course. In the beginning of their affair, Elliot had made it pretty clear that he didn't want to be pushed into a situation he had no control over anymore.

So, fully confident that Elliot was comfortable with it, Tyrell closed the distance by taking a step forward. He cupped Elliot's face with both his hands and kissed him, slow and deliberate. Memorized: the way his lips moved against Tyrell's in a harmony they had perfected over the past months; the way Elliot's stubble dug into Tyrell's skin, scratching him slightly; the way Elliot struggled to breathe, but didn't want to let go, kissed him just a little longer until he was forced to move away.

"I love you," Tyrell whispered. A revelation, a promise. His soul stripped bare; naked.

"I know," Elliot answered, the hint of a smile forming but vanishing too quickly again.

"See you in a few days," he added, moved a step backward, didn't dare to break their gaze. _Don't go._

But Elliot left.

Tyrell felt as if Elliot had taken his heart with him to Berlin.

 

**|~|**

 

"Alone again?"

Tyrell winced at the sound of Jensen's voice. Not this shit right now. He had just gotten out of the elevator, his briefcase and office keys in his hands.

"Good morning, Mr. Jensen," Tyrell replied and forced himself to smile at his colleague. He went a step ahead, intending to pass him, but Jensen kept looking at him.

"Morning? It's almost lunchtime already. Where have you been? We had to postpone a meeting for you," Jensen scolded him. Tyrell resisted the urge to roll his eyes. _Grow up, idiot._

"I had something I needed to take care of, but you could have seen that if you would have checked my calendar. I blocked the morning for that reason," Tyrell replied. What did he want? Was this conversation supposed to lead somewhere or was Jensen just his usual annoying self?

"I saw that. The question still stands, though. Where's Elliot? He was supposed to be here as well today."

Tyrell felt a twinge in his stomach. A memory flashed in front of his eyes. Last year, Jensen had asked the exact same question the day after Elliot had broken up with him and Tyrell had sent him on vacation. Last time, Tyrell had been sure that he had lost Elliot completely; both as his lover and his assistant. He probably would have, if he wouldn't have come to his senses in Paris and fixed it.

"Mr. Alderson extended his vacation days. He still has a few leftover days from last year and he wanted to get rid of them in one go, so I allowed him to," Tyrell explained, shifted from one foot to the other. "But I don't see how that matters to you. After all, he's my assistant, not yours," he added, knowing that this would strike a nerve. Jensen wasn't important enough to have a personal assistant, but Tyrell knew Jensen disagreed with that.

"I'm concerned whether you are able to handle all the work that you have on your desk without Mr. Alderson's help. That's why I asked," Jensen replied and rolled his eyes. _Asshole_.

"I am confident that I'll be able to manage my work just fine, thank you," Tyrell gave back with a forced smile before he finally passed him and strode towards his office.

"Emergency meeting in five in the conference room!" Jensen called after him. Tyrell rolled his eyes and sighed. _Great_. He didn't have time for this. The first thing on his agenda for today was an emergency meeting with Scott Knowles… alone, not with the whole staff together. At least, that's what they had agreed to when Tyrell had called him back on his way to ECorp an hour ago. Knowing Jensen, he had heard about this and just decided that he needed to join.

Tyrell raised a hand to signalize Jensen that he had understood him but didn't stop walking down the hallway. That asshole had probably used the days Tyrell had been absent to ass-kiss Scott and gain some sympathy points. This was going to be one hell of a long day.

Tyrell passed Elliot's desk and allowed himself to imagine him sitting there.

He remembered the way Elliot sometimes got so absorbed into his desktop that he only noticed Tyrell when he was standing directly in front of the counter, greeting him with the usual "Bonsoir Elliot". But then would look up and mumble a shy "morning" back to him. Depending on whether they had been on the phone the night before or not, Elliot would smile at him. Timid and small, but it was enough to give Tyrell a jolt every time he saw it. There had been a couple occasions where Tyrell had had to resist the urge to kiss him then, instead just barely able to tear his gaze away and continue his way to his own office alone. Later, Elliot would come after him anyway, so they could kiss in the safety of Tyrell's office and discuss the agenda for the day.

Tyrell entered his office, set down his briefcase and slipped out of his coat, hung it up on his wardrobe. He powered up his computer and took out his notebook and a pen before he left his office again.

He fucking missed Elliot. He didn't want to remember their last days together, knew it would make him feel even more miserable, but he had gotten so used to having Elliot around, especially at work. The last few days beforeChristmas without him had seemed pointless. He still loved his work just for the sake of it, but in the past months, it had become interchangeably linked to Elliot. He liked getting up in the morning just because he knew he would see Elliot. He was the first one of his assistants to actually help with the technical work instead of just the organizational. Matter of fact, Elliot was better at the technicals than he; Tyrell wouldn't admit that, but they were both aware of it anyway.

Tyrell sat down at Elliot's desk and powered his computer on as well. Elliot's out-of-office note had probably expired a few days ago and his emails wouldn't be diverted to Tyrell, so he had to fix that. It was a good thing that Elliot had told him his password a while ago for situations like this… voluntarily, even. He hadn't exactly been amused to find out that Tyrell knew the code to his phone, too. But Elliot hadn't made an effort in hiding it, so Tyrell had read it when Elliot had typed it in while they were cuddled up in a hotel room a while ago. By now, he had changed it again.

While he waited for the computer to start, Tyrell spotted a single post-it note pinned to the corner of Elliot's left desktop. It had Tyrell's phone numbers and email addresses scribbled on them, both the mobile and the work ones. Tyrell had written that note for him when Elliot had started to work for him ages ago and Elliot probably knew these by heart nowadays. On the very bottom, Tyrell had signed it with "Yours, Tyrell :)" and he almost laughed when he saw that now. He remembered how eager he had been in the first days, how impatient he had been, wishing Elliot would get used to him faster.

Tyrell hadn't judged Elliot to be sentimental enough to keep such a stupid little note. Maybe he had just forgotten about it. _Probably_. Tyrell snapped a quick photo of it anyway and sent it to Elliot, typing a follow-up message: 'Miss you here xx'

Before he locked his phone again, he couldn't help but go to his photo gallery and view the picture Angela had texted him a few days ago. She had snapped a few of him and Elliot together, some without them knowing it and two posed ones. There was one of them kissing in her kitchen at midnight that he had opened just now. Another one was of Elliot outside on her balcony, a cigarette in his hand and laughing while he looked at Darlene, oblivious to the camera. But his favorite was the one where they stood side by side, with Tyrell's arm around Elliot's waist and the both of them smiling into the camera. Elliot had been seriously tipsy when this had been taken; he probably wouldn't have allowed it if not for that.

Tyrell's heart clenched while he swiped through those pics. He stopped eventually, knew he had to get his shit together for the meeting he was supposed to be at in… not a few minutes, but right now. He bolted upright, locked Elliot's computer and decided to take care of the emails later.

He hurried into the kitchen to fix himself a coffee since he hadn't dared to stop at Starbucks before work like usual today.

"Good morning, Mr. Wellick. It's great to have you back, Sir. Can I assume that Elliot's here, too, then?" someone spoke up. While he got out a mug from the cupboard, he turned to face Martin Wand. The colleague Elliot might-or-might-not had fucked after the Christmas get-together. Tyrell's smile fell from his face.

"No, he's still on vacation," Tyrell answered and looked away, focused on getting the coffee machine to work. He wondered how many times he would have to repeat that sentence today. _I wish he was here, too._

Why the fuck did he still not know whether Elliot had taken Martin home that night or not? Apparently, Tyrell had been too focused on fucking Elliot by himself to ask him what had really happened between them. Also, he hadn't allowed himself to believe that Elliot had really cheated on him... it wouldn't have been cheating, anyway. They hadn't been a couple then; they had been "nothing". "Just colleagues", as Elliot had put it. But imagining that Elliot had fucked someone else… that stung more than Tyrell wanted to admit.

While Tyrell made an effort not to look at Martin, he was overcome by the immediate need to tell him that Elliot belonged to him. That he was his and his alone. Tyrell didn't share.

"Oh, why's that?" Martin asked. _None of your business, idiot._

"Leftover days from 2015," Tyrell gave back curtly, wished the coffee to spill into his mug faster. He opened the fridge to get out his soy milk but didn't find any. Yeah, well, Elliot usually made sure that they were equipped with that, even if he claimed that he found soy milk absolutely disgusting.

"Ah, so you two spoke?" Martin probed.

"I don't see why we shouldn't speak to each other, but yes, obviously we did."

"So you're… on good terms?"

_What the fuck? What does that matter to him?_

"I don't see how that concerns you, but yes, we are. Everything's... perfect." Tyrell couldn't help the lovesick grin that slipped onto his lips, tried to bite it down, but the sudden memory of Elliot laughing appeared in front of his eyes and his stomach clenched with want. Fuck, he was pathetic.

_No. I'm in love. That's not pathetic._

Those thoughts were what Joanna had trained him to believe. That love was a weakness, something you didn't show. But his love for Elliot was anything else but a weakness. No, it was the best quality of him. Elliot made him a better man, ridiculous as that would sound out loud.

"I see," Martin replied, causing him to snap out of his thoughts.

_Wait. Wait a second. Does he know?_

Tyrell finally looked at him, caught Martin smiling at him and _fuck, he does know_. But why would Elliot tell him about them?

"See you in the meeting," Martin added before he turned around to leave.

"Hold up one second, please," Tyrell spoke up and Martin, almost at the door, turned again, eyebrows raised in question.

"Care to tell me what this was about?" Tyrell asked nonchalantly.

"I... I don't know what you mean, Sir," Martin stammered, averted his look from him.

Tyrell stared him down, waited for him to crumble under his intimidating look. He didn't even need five seconds.

"Okay, I know about you two. It was... obvious," Martin admitted quietly. "But I'll keep my mouth shut, I promise."

_Oh, how great._

"Obvious? To whom?"

"Just to me. I mean..." Martin mumbled, then bit his lip as if he was holding something back.

"Tell me," Tyrell demanded. All of a sudden he remembered that morning in Berlin when Elliot and he had stumbled into Martin on the hotel floor. Tyrell hadn't been dressed... Well, okay, maybe it had been kind of obvious. But he had shut him down, hadn't he? Elliot must have said something else to him, then.

"There are rumors. I'm sure you know about them already. They're not exactly going to vanish now, with you not wearing your wedding ring anymore all of a sudden."

Tyrell blinked, glanced at his left hand where the wedding band was indeed, missing. For a reason. He had anticipated that others would notice... just not this quick. _Helvete_ , Elliot still wasn't sure about him. Tyrell couldn't imagine that Elliot would appreciate if he went around ECorp and told everyone they were a couple. Taking off his wedding ring at work might have been too soon, but it wasn't as if he could change that right now. He had stored the ring in the jewelry box in his apartment.

"Has Elliot said anything to you about me?" Tyrell asked.

"No," Martin stammered… too quickly.

"Mr. Wand, I don't appreciate being lied to," Tyrell shot back, stood up straight so he would be taller than Martin.

"I won't spill anything that Elliot had said to me. That was private. Surely you can appreciate that," Martin mumbled and took a step backwards.

Tyrell sighed. "You should know one thing, Mr. Wand. Despite it not being official yet, Elliot belongs to me and only me. I don't share."

"Okay," Martin choked out and hurried out of the kitchen.

But Tyrell still wasn't any wiser whether Elliot and Martin had fucked or not.

 

**|~|**

 

Three days.

Three fucking days without any sign of life from Elliot.

Tyrell had buried himself in work, as always. He had enough on his hands, anyway, and he knew their tech department - and Scott, most importantly - were thankful for that. The only times that he saw the sun was when it shone through the glass walls of his office, causing him to close the blinds. And lunch breaks, of course; he spent most of them at his desk anyway, despite those few times his colleagues had successfully convinced him to come outside with them. They had tried out a new sushi restaurant that was a few blocks away from ECorp, but Tyrell had barely been able to eat anything. His stomach had clenched with the memory of the first time he had eaten sushi with Elliot, all those months back. The image of Elliot in his lap, moaning while he worked himself up and down on his dick, was enough to make his appetite vanish. Or change, rather. Tyrell had wished he could excuse himself to the bathroom so he could get out of his awfully tight suit pants and take care of his erection, but he had been able to compose himself. He didn't have a choice, anyway; Jensen hadn't stopped being suspicious around him the past days, casually asked about Elliot now and then. As if it was natural that Tyrell knew what Elliot did during his vacation. Oh, how he wished.

But the reality was that Elliot had cut him off completely. He had merely texted him that he had landed safe, but since then Elliot had gone dark. At this point, Tyrell wasn't just worried, now, he was full on panicking. He had managed to bury this fear of having lost him while he had been at work, but it all came back to the surface right now.

Tyrell poured himself a glass of red wine and sat down on the couch. It was probably around midnight. He had been surprised to have been greeted by their babysitter instead of Joanna, had sent her home after she had told him that Joanna was out on a date. A fucking date. The sitter had turned red and apologized, but claimed that Joanna had insisted that she told him about it just like that. Tyrell had merely nodded and checked on his son after the sitter was gone, kissed him on his forehead before he went back into the living room.

So Joanna had a date with another man. Tyrell couldn't bring himself to care; maybe he was a bit annoyed, but it didn't overshadow his concerns about Elliot. 

He unlocked his phone and stared at his chat with Elliot, foolishly hoping something had changed in the past hour. It was as one-sided as it had been the last couple of days. Tyrell had tried calling, tried texting, hell, he had even emailed him. In long intervals, of course - he didn't want to come off too needy. But fuck, if he wasn't worried sick about him.

Maybe this was Elliot's way of dropping him the obvious hint that he didn't want to be with him, after all. But... the last days with him had been so wonderful. Elliot had laughed more often in a week than Tyrell had seen him laugh in the eight months they had been working together now. They had _both_ been happy together. Elliot couldn't possibly deny that, even though he was still claiming that he needed to test them and their relationship in Berlin. Tyrell accepted that, but he didn't understand how Elliot could still be unsure after the past days.

Tyrell loved him more than he had ever loved anyone. Sure, he had loved Joanna, but it was different this time. Joanna had always wanted to change him; he had never been good enough for her. Elliot, on the contrary, seemed to accept him as he was. He seemed to understand him. And God knew why, but he also seemed to love him back. Just like that.

Tyrell's phone started vibrating in his hand and he dropped it in shock when he saw Elliot's name flash on the display. He scrambled after it, spilling wine over his shirt in the process.

"Finally!" Tyrell exclaimed when he picked it up.

"Hey," Elliot whispered on the other end of the line and Tyrell let out a relieved sigh. He sunk deeper into the cushions and took a sip of his wine.

"Why didn't you call me back? Are you okay?" Tyrell asked. He heard Elliot's ragged breath, noticed that it came out sharp and uneven. _Is he crying? Oh god, please no._

"Did something happen to you?" Tyrell added when Elliot didn't reply.

"No... no, I'm fine," Elliot gave back eventually, but Tyrell heard the little sob Elliot tried to cut off.

"You don't sound like it," Tyrell replied.

"I quit the morphine," Elliot murmured, so low that Tyrell almost didn't hear him and had to turn up the volume of his phone. "That's why I didn't call you back. It's... withdrawal. Fucking sucks."

"Why didn't you tell me before? I was worried about you."

"I didn't want to tell you at all," Elliot admitted. _What_? Tyrell was his boyfriend; didn't he have a right to know what Elliot was going through? He could have been there for him, if only he had known. Fuck, Tyrell wished he had never said 'yes' to Scott in the first place. He should have come with him to Berlin, as they had planned it. This wasn't right.

"Why not?" Tyrell asked.

"I just didn't want to tell you," Elliot snapped.

"Okay," Tyrell backtracked, "am I allowed to tell you that I'm proud of you, though?"

"Yeah," Elliot whispered and sniffled.

"I really am. But I wish I could be there for you right now... I miss you."

There was a long pause. Until -

"How's work?" Elliot asked. _Oh_. Did he not miss him, too? Was this just a courtesy call, then? But no. Elliot loved him. He probably just didn't want to talk about feelings, now. The withdrawal was possibly still gnawing at him. How long did that even take? His experience with drugs was practically nonexistent, even less so with their withdrawal.

"It's a nightmare. There hasn't been a day yet this year that I got out before nine," Tyrell answered and sighed wearily. "I could use you here."

"Sorry," Elliot answered.

"Martin has asked about you, by the way," Tyrell said, remembering his encounter with him in the office kitchen a few days ago.

"Yeah?"

"Yes. He acted kind of strange, though, when I told him you were alright. Kept smirking at me. Want to tell me what that was about?"

Pause. "No."

"No? Well, I know that he knows about us. He -"

"Can we please not do this right now?" Elliot cut him off. He had even raised his voice a little; Tyrell noticed the tremors in them. Was he scared of him?

"Okay," Tyrell agreed, let silence stretch out between them. He emptied his glass of wine and listened to the soothing sound of Elliot's breathing, which had slowed down by now.

"When are you going to be here?" Elliot asked after a while. So he still wanted him to come. Maybe he did miss him, too. Tyrell surely wasn't going to ask him about that, not after he had changed the topic so quickly earlier.

"I don't know yet," Tyrell answered truthfully. With all going on right now, he couldn't possibly ask Scott to take the next days off like that. That hadn't stopped him from planning it, though. "I looked for flights earlier and I could take one on Tuesday, the 12th? So I'd be in Berlin sometime on the 13th or 14th, I didn't calculate how that would look if I leave here at seven PM and fly for approximately fifteen hours, but -"

"Tuesday?" Elliot echoed, interrupting him again. Tyrell glanced at the date visible on his phone; it was Saturday, the 9th. Right; that's why it had been so quiet today at ECorp. There weren't exactly a lot of people who went to work on the weekend voluntarily. But Tyrell hadn't known what else to do; he certainly hadn't wanted to run into Joanna at any time. The few words they had exchanged since she had gotten back to New York were enough to annoy the hell out of him.

"Yes, Tuesday. That's the earliest I could manage. But I already took care of our vacation days, extended them for another week. I'm sorry for the delay, I... I wish I could be there for you sooner," Tyrell replied. Even making Tuesday work would be difficult. He needed to finish as much of his stuff as he could and hand over the remaining projects to Jensen, pray to god that he would understand them. He didn't trust his coworker, but he had to if he wanted to see Elliot.

"Think you can last that long without me?" Tyrell teased him softly, attempting to make him laugh. He failed.

"Guess I have to," Elliot croaked back, making Tyrell's heart clench. God, he missed him so fucking much.

"Thank you, Elliot. I promise I'll make it up to you, then, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Elliot murmured, but Tyrell caught the disappointment in his voice.

Fuck, what was he doing? Elliot clearly needed him and Tyrell just pushed him away. He cared about his work, yes; but he cared more about Elliot. He was the most important thing right now.

Tyrell heard the front door unlock, then footsteps. Apparently, Joanna had gotten home.

"I've got to go. Call me tomorrow?" Tyrell asked.

"Maybe," Elliot replied. Maybe wasn't good enough, not even close. But it would have to do.

"Stay strong, okay? I know you can make it through," Tyrell said, but Elliot hung up on him without an answer.

Joanna entered the living room with a slight frown on her face. Tyrell got up and turned to leave, didn't expect her to say anything to him, but he turned out to be wrong.

"Did he finally call you, yes?" she asked with a hint of amusement.

"Yes. But I don't see how that concerns you," Tyrell gave back. He entered the kitchen and put his glass in the dishwasher, but Joanna followed him.

"It doesn't," she gave back nonchalant. "It was just kind of pathetic to watch you lose your mind over him not calling you back."

Tyrell's eyebrows shot up and he turned around towards her, settled against the kitchen counter with crossed arms.

"Are you keeping watch over how many times I'm on the phone with him now?" Tyrell replied. He wanted it to sound sarcastic, but his weariness slipped into his tone.

"Oh, please. Do you believe I didn't know about all those phone calls you two shared over the last couple of months when you thought I was asleep?" Joanna smirked. "We've been together for so many years and yet you still underestimate me."

 _Fuck_. He thought he had been more careful.

"If you knew for so long, how come you didn't say anything? Normally you're the first to speak up when something doesn't go the way you want it."

"Because I thought you to be smarter. You shouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place. If it's even love… I'm not sure I would call it that," she snarled.

"What would you call it, then?" he asked ironically, even though he didn't want to hear her answer. He didn't want to lose against her, foolish as that was. The past should've taught him better; he had never won an argument against Joanna yet.

"You've lost focus over your goals. You were meant to become CTO, did you forget about that? Did you think that you could give up just because Scott snubbed the job from under your nose? Tyrell, face it: you're a failure. You've always been a weak man. Elliot was a nice distraction so you wouldn't have to think about that anymore. It's pretty convenient for you that Elliot sucks more at life than you do, isn't it? You probably convinced yourself that you're not doing that bad when you compare yourself to him."

Tyrell's stomach turned and he took a deep breath, tried to bury the shame he was feeling deep inside, didn't want her to know how much her words cut into him.

"I've always tried to bring out the best parts of you, but even then you weren't good enough to achieve our goals. Remember how you told me that Elliot was the key to everything when you first started working with him? He was a challenge you knew you could actually rise up to. You couldn't seduce Sharon, so you searched for an easier target. And you chose a mentally ill boy who's so touch-starved that he would actually let you fuck him. That's quite pathetic in my opinion and we both know that you agree. But apparently, you don't care about my opinion anymore, as you have told me a hundred times in the past weeks. You'll see where this gets you."

Tyrell wondered why she knew about Elliot's touching-thing, but what did that matter right now? He knew his wife; she had met Elliot a few times at the office parties and had probably analyzed every move he had made. He struggled to breathe, wanted to justify himself, but she wasn't finished yet.

"In conclusion, since all you can do is gawk at me because you know I'm right: your fling with Elliot doesn't concern me in the slightest."

"It's not a 'fling', Joanna," Tyrell gnarled. As if that was the worst she had said; maybe it was. His love for Elliot was real.

"It is not?" she joked. Tyrell resisted the urge to roll his eyes, curled his hands into fists.

"Tyrell, you might think that you're in love with this guy, but you'll soon get bored of him. You wanted to have him and now you got him. You'll realize that he's not going to be able to give you what you want. And once you do, I want you to know that you don't even need to think about crawling back to me. I want nothing to do with you anymore. You're worthless to me."

 

**|~|**

 

Tyrell only grasped the weight of his decision when he was already flying over the ocean.

He had packed his bag in a matter of a few minutes and rushed to the airport. He was on his way to... what was it, Rome? He would have to change to another flight as soon as he had landed, but he would manage. It was already a damn miracle that he had found a flight to Europe at one AM. The flight attendant had given him a funny look when he had arrived, still dressed in a suit but his hair ruffled, a very desperate look on his face when he had asked whether there were any flights going to Europe tonight.

But Elliot's cracking voice was still echoing through his mind and he couldn't forget Joanna's snarl. Those things had been enough to make him realize he had nothing to lose. Elliot was his future; not Joanna, not ECorp. He would accept whatever fate Elliot would decide on.

He rustled through his briefcase, searching for the charger of his laptop. When he couldn't find it, he barely resisted the urge to throw it through the plane. The last time he had used it was in his office. _Shit._ The battery of his laptop was at mere nine percent. With that last bit of power, he could manage to write a few emails, but that would be it then. Jensen was going to kill him for this. Hell, Scott would probably be furious. What the fuck was he doing? Was he losing his mind?

With a sigh, he leaned his head against the back of his seat.

Maybe Joanna had been right.

Not about the part of him and Elliot merely being a fling. But... Elliot had given him a feeling of superiority. The way he obeyed him completely and followed every order Tyrell gave him. If Tyrell told him to kneel, Elliot did. The thrill of having someone do whatever he asked for, that... had definitely played into most of their sexual encounters. Tyrell had loved taking whatever he wanted, but so had Elliot. Subconsciously, he knew that there had always been more than just sex between them, though. Tyrell allowed himself to realize that just now. He remembered the first time Elliot had leaned in to kiss him by himself; how he had thought that this was odd and not part of their usual dynamic. He had shrugged it off then, rather focused on fucking him senseless.

But it had bothered him. Why had it bothered him? Because Elliot was stepping out of line? But they had never established something like a line, if you forgot the obvious nature of their affair that no one could know. Which Elliot had crossed, come to think of it.

_"You couldn't seduce Sharon, so you searched for an easier target. And you chose a mentally ill boy who's so touch-starved that he would actually let you fuck him. That's quite pathetic in my opinion and we both know that you agree."_

Maybe Joanna had a point with that. Yes, there had been a lot of teasing and dancing around at first, but Tyrell had never doubted that Elliot wanted him. What Joanna hadn't known, of course, was that Elliot had only been his personal goal. He had known she wouldn't allow Tyrell to have him; so Tyrell had lied, pretended that he was useful to their goals. 

Elliot had always been more than a goal. A nice distraction from himself, maybe. But… with Elliot, Tyrell had felt alive. He had been able to let go of all the expectations that were lying heavy on his shoulders. He had been able to forget about Joanna, about work, about everything. Elliot had always been the only thing that mattered when they were together and this still hadn't changed. And it wouldn't. _It can't. He's all I have now._

Regardless of what Tyrell's intentions had been in the beginning, his love for Elliot was real now. And he wouldn't let go of that.

 

**|~|**

 

A fucking eternity later, Tyrell had finally made it to Berlin. The last issue he had needed to solve was convincing the receptionist to tell him Elliot's room number. Only by being able to recite all of his data, including his home address and describing what he looked like, and paying her 50 Euro (the only German cash he had on him) she had given in.

He checked his phone but didn't bother to read the excerpts of new emails and texts, rather looked at the time: 10:21 AM, Monday, 11. January 2016. Tyrell resisted the urge to calculate how long he had traveled until now. Instead, he knocked on Elliot's door.

No response. Maybe he was out?

Tyrell knocked again, harder this time. Now he heard a faint noise that sounded like a groan.

"Elliot?" Tyrell called out.

"Who is this?" Elliot shouted back and Tyrell sighed of relief. He was alive. Not that Tyrell had doubted that.

"It's me," Tyrell gave back. Who else would Elliot expect?

At last, the door swung open and Elliot stood in front of him. But Tyrell's smile faltered when he took him in. _Oh no.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still exist, yay! I'm sorry, I know it took forever. This isn't even the complete chapter, but I felt so bad for the major delay that I decided to split up Chap5 into three parts. The next one's already in progress, but work and life stuff demands my main focus these days. But I am still working on and continuing this fic :)
> 
> So, tell me what you think about Tyrell's POV for a change. I started out with Elliot's, but quickly found it didn't work for what I wanted to do here, so I went ahead and took the risk of changing into Tyrell's head. Part 2 of this chap will be from his perspective as well. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it! Kudos & Comments much appreciated of course. :)


	6. Chapter 6

_At last, the door swung open and Elliot stood in front of him. But Tyrell's smile faltered when he took him in. Oh no._

Elliot was still wearing the shirt and the boxershorts he had on when Tyrell had said goodbye to him a few days ago. He knew because the shirt had once belonged to himself. A dark blue one with the emblem of the college he had attended in Stockholm. There was a white crown and the letters "KTH" on them as well as the fitting caption "VETENSKAP OCH KONST" underneath. Elliot probably had no idea what that even meant. _Science and Art_ , Tyrell would have to tell him at some point. But not right now. 

Elliot had bags under his eyes and he looked even thinner than usual. He was a downright mess. _Shit_. Tyrell should have never let him leave alone. He should have come with him right away. 

While Tyrell looked at him, Elliot narrowed his eyes, probably startled by the light. Maybe he was wondering whether Tyrell was real or merely a hallucination. Wouldn't be the first time. 

Tyrell took a step forward and hugged him. At first, Elliot revolted, jerked backwards, so Tyrell let go of him again. Until Elliot finally seemed to realize what was going on, and he pulled him back. Hugged him tighter than before, trembling now. 

"What are you doing here?" Elliot mumbled after a while.

"Surprise," Tyrell chuckled, rested his hands on Elliot's shoulders after they parted. "You sounded like you needed me, so here I am."

"You should've called," Elliot muttered and motioned for Tyrell to follow him into his hotel room.

It was too hot inside, the air was stale and the blinds were shut. Tyrell couldn't help but wonder if Elliot had even left his room once since he had gotten here. Probably not. 

"I'm going to take a shower," Elliot said after Tyrell had closed the door behind them, vanished into a different room before Tyrell could answer. He wanted to go after him, but Elliot locked the door behind him.

Tyrell stared at the closed door in front of him for a few seconds and took a deep breath. He hadn't even been able to kiss him. Every nerve in him ached for his touch. _Don't be so possessive and selfish_. If Elliot wanted privacy, he had to respect that. Maybe he really should have called beforehand instead of just waltzing in here. But he had wanted it to be a nice surprise, had wanted to be the Knight in shining armor who had come to rescue Elliot from his demons. That had probably been a tad too optimistic.

Tyrell crossed the room and pulled the curtains back, opened the windows. Afterwards, he made the bed and gathered Elliot's hoodie from the ground, put it on the blanket. His phone rang while he was busy searching for fresh clothes from the open suitcase to lay on top of the hoodie.

"Wellick?" he answered without checking who was calling. The chance of it being work-related was too high.

"I'm just calling to let you know that I've filed for the sole custody of our child."

_Joanna_. Tyrell's fingers clenched around his phone and all air was suddenly knocked out of his lungs. 

"What? No, no, no, you can't do this to me," he choked out.

"I just did. You're making this really easy for me, actually. Not only have you cheated on me for the last couple of months and completely abandoned me and my son in Paris, but you've done it again just now. You ran off to a different continent to be with your lover. But aside from that, in the past year that I had him, you've spent more time at work than with your son. I don't think any judge in this world could possibly sympathize with you. So get used to the thought of seeing your son on my terms, which... hm, let me think, would be maybe once per month. If I'm in a generous mood."

"Joanna, let's talk about this, please. You can't take him away from me. This isn't fair -"

"Oh, we're talking about fairness, now? How was any of your doing fair to this family? You deserve what's coming for you, Tyrell."

"No, Joanna, don't -" Tyrell started again, but was met by the beeb sound that signaled him she had hung up on him. 

Tyrell threw his phone across the room and watched it bounce from the bed onto the ground, heard a cracking noise. He ruffled his hair, tried to calm his breathing, to not let his anger overpower him, but all he wanted was to smash the entire hotel room. _Fucking hell._ This couldn't be happening. Had she calculated that? Had she deliberately hurt him that much so that he would run off, just so she could use this as leverage against him? 

Tyrell sank down to the floor. He hit the back of his head against the wall and let out a sigh of frustration. How was he going to fight her when she knew exactly how to beat him? He needed to call one of his lawyers to discuss a strategy.

"What happened?"

Tyrell opened his eyes and saw Elliot standing in front of him. His hair was wet and unkempt while drops of water slipped down his skin, were stopped by the towel that was tied around his waist.

"She's taking my son away," Tyrell answered, blinked the sudden tears out of his eyes. Elliot scratched the back of his neck and murmured a "sorry" back at him.

"Not your fault," Tyrell said.

"It is my fault," Elliot resisted with a quiver in his voice. "If you need to go back -"

"No. I'm staying," Tyrell cut him off. He hadn't spent an eternity on travel just to go back again now. It wouldn't change anything; the damage was already done. 

"I want to be here with you."

"Okay," Elliot gave back. He looked as if he wanted to add anything, but he kept his silence when he took the clothes Tyrell had picked out for him and got dressed.

"How are you?" Tyrell asked, scrambling to his feet again.

Elliot didn't answer right away, seemed as if he had to think about the answer. "Not good," he said eventually when he had finished dressing.

Tyrell approached him slowly and pulled him into another hug. "I'm glad you're here," Elliot whispered near his right ear. Tyrell smiled.

"I am, too," Tyrell gave back, pulled back just enough so he could look into his eyes. And then he finally kissed him and everything else faded from his mind.

When they parted after a while, they both smiled. Just seeing his eyes light up like that, Tyrell was reminded that he had made the right decision by coming here.

"Can you pack up? We're going to a different hotel. I'm not staying in this shithole," Tyrell chuckled.

"Give me a minute," Elliot replied.

While Elliot packed, Tyrell went to pick up his phone from the ground. There was a nasty cut right across the display and a few little scratches on the edge. Well, he had wanted to replace that phone anyway.

Tyrell leaned against the wall behind him and started to answer a few emails while he waited for Elliot to finish. Jensen had answered on the longer email Tyrell had sent last night, with detailed information and instructions how he had to handle a few of their projects. 'You've bailed on us? I can't believe this. There will be consequences.' Tyrell rolled his eyes, itched to reply with a simple 'fuck off' but contained himself. Instead, he chose to ignore it. 

Out of the corner of his eyes, Tyrell saw Elliot walking towards him. 

"Everything ready?" Tyrell asked, pushed himself off of the wall and slid his phone into the pocket of his suit pants. 

"Yeah," Elliot replied, stopped right in front of him. 

"Let's go, then," Tyrell said, but Elliot didn't move. 

"I just… thank you for coming," Elliot murmured, lowered his gaze to his feet. "I missed you," he added silently. 

Tyrell got ahold of Elliot's chin, pushed it up slowly. "I missed you, too, Elliot," Tyrell answered before he pressed a soft kiss to his lips. 

  


**|~|**

  


"Jensen, I'm on vacation, what is it?" Tyrell gnarled when he picked up the phone ten minutes later. They were sitting in a cab that would bring them to the hotel of his choosing. He glanced over to Elliot, caught him already looking back.

"Yeah, about that, Wellick… you're going on holidays while we can barely hold our heads over water?" Jensen snapped at him. Tyrell suppressed a sigh.

"I don't need to explain myself to you."

"Why on earth would Mr. Knowles authorize this? My team's short-staffed and now it's not just your assistant who's gone, but you are, too. We have been hacked last night and AllSafe couldn't handle it. They're losing their shit, Tyrell. As much as I hate to say it, we need you here."

Tyrell closed his eyes, rubbed the back of his neck. He knew it had been a bad idea to just take the next plane to Berlin, work-wise.

"I'm in Europe, Jensen. As I already explained in my emails, I'm not coming in for the rest of the week," Tyrell explained.

"Europe? Fuck, are you serious? Why... wait, did you fly to Berlin?" Jensen asked.

_Oh no._ Tyrell remembered that he had mentioned Elliot was in Berlin over lunch a few days ago. Jensen had complained once more about the fact that Elliot had already had enough vacation days before Christmas and added a weak joke that Elliot had already been to Berlin a few weeks ago with them. Tyrell had defended him by saying he deserved a break as far away from their firm as possible, wished he could finally give it a rest. Jensen had given him a raised eyebrow then, muttered something about Elliot hating this firm, anyway. Tyrell had had to hold his breath to keep himself from snapping back. The worst of it was that he knew Jensen was right. Elliot had always hated ECorp. Tyrell had never really understood why Elliot had started to work for them in the first place, but a part of him had wanted to believe that he was to blame for that. That Elliot wanted to work with him, no matter what. Because they belonged to each other. It didn't matter what company they worked for or which continent they lived on. As long as they would be together, Tyrell would be able to stand anything.

"What does it matter? What is it that you need from me, now?" Tyrell gave back.

"So I was right. You _are_ in Berlin. With your new boyfriend?" Jensen asked, deadly calm all of a sudden. Did he know or was he just playing? Had Martin slipped up?

"Leave Elliot out of this. Frankly, it's none of your business."

"Right on target, then. I can't believe this. I'm barely able to keep my head over water here and you go on a honeymoon with your assistant. I always knew you were unprofessional, but this? This is huge," Jensen snarled and let out a sharp laugh.

Tyrell clenched his hands into fists. _How dare you?_ He would probably run right over to Scott and tell him about this. _Fuck_. He was going to lose his job. 

"Mr. Jensen, I understand why you're mad about the fact that you're on your own, for once. You're not used to having to handle huge problems by yourself. But I can assure you that I have full faith in you to handle the situation appropriately. But you will not solve the problem by accusing me of wrong assumptions you have made up in your narrow, homophobic, little mind. And despite the fact that I'm on a vacation, I promise you I'll check my emails later and will do my best to help you. That's the best I can offer you right now. Would that be fine with you?"

While he spoke, Tyrell barely managed to keep a clean voice. He was fuming with rage, but snapping would only bring him into more trouble. Denial always worked well at work. There really was no way that Jensen had found out about Elliot and him. The only people from work who knew about them, aside from Martin, were Gideon and Angela and Tyrell had told both of them to keep it a secret. Of course he hadn't said that to Elliot. But since their future was too unsure, Tyrell had found it best if ECorp still believed he was happily married to Joanna. Which he was, just not happy anymore. But he hadn't been happy with her for so long now, what did that even matter?

Tyrell felt a nudge on his shoulder and looked over to Elliot. Their cab had come to a halt and he saw the Sheraton hotel to their right. Elliot motioned for him to get out and Tyrell nodded.

"Yes, that would help," Jensen grunted after a long pause. Tyrell sighed quietly.

"Good. Is there anything else I can do for you right now? Anything you want to tell me while we're still talking?" Tyrell offered, managed to fake a friendly tone. He walked over to the sidewalk, looked at the cab driver while he got out their suitcases for them.

"No. I'll send you the details via email," Jensen replied.

"Alright. Good luck," Tyrell added and finally hung up. He slid his phone back into the pocket of his suit pants and sighed.

Elliot handed a bunch of cash over to the driver and turned around to him. Tyrell tried to guess what he was thinking, but as always, Elliot was completely unreadable to him. And as usual as well, Elliot wasn't saying anything, but Tyrell caught the flash of confusion on his face. 

"I told you, you can go back, if you need to," Elliot eventually murmured, avoided looking at him. He shouldered his backpack and stared at the lake that was on the other side of the street.

"No... hey, look at me," Tyrell answered and turned Elliot's head around slowly, cupped his jaw with one hand. "I want to be here with you. I don't care about work."

"That's a lie," Elliot answered and the corner of his mouth twitched.

"Well, this isn't: I care more about you than I do about work. Better?" Tyrell gave back. He took a step forward, crossed the distance between them and pressed a short kiss on his lips.

"Okay," Elliot murmured.

"Great. Come on then," Tyrell said, took ahold of Elliot's hand and gripped the handle of his suitcase with the other, pulled both of them after himself.

They entered the Sheraton hotel and walked up to the reception.

"Good morning," Tyrell said to the guy in front of him. Late forties maybe, wore a black suit that looked expensive. No doubt it belonged to the company instead of him.

"Tyrell Wellick, I called earlier about the Panorama Suite," Tyrell added when he had caught his full attention. Out of the corner of his eyes, Tyrell noticed that Elliot lifted his eyebrows in surprise. Well, he had told him he'd get them a better hotel than the one Elliot had chosen for himself, hadn't he? They had stayed in the Sheraton before when they had been here in December, but ECorp had merely booked them the classic rooms before. The Suite Tyrell had picked was twice as expensive. Elliot probably did the math in his head just now.

"Yes, I remember. You intended to stay until Sunday, the 17th, right?"

"Exactly."

"You are aware that this suite will have a double bed instead of two separate ones? This could be arranged as well if you would like that."

Tyrell quickly smiled at Elliot, thought about all those mornings he was going to wake up next to him this week.

"Yes, we are aware of that. A double bed will be just fine," Tyrell replied.

"So we'll have six nights. The daily price would be 217,55 Euro, so we'd be at 1305,30 Euro total. Do you want to enjoy breakfast as well?"

"No," Elliot answered quickly, "we don't."

Tyrell looked at him, could swear that every color had been drained from his face. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. Tyrell suppressed a grin.

While he paid the total amount with his credit card and the receptionist explained everything to them, Elliot kept frowning at him. Only when they had taken their key and headed to the elevators did Elliot finally lose it.

"Are you out of your mind? Did you calculate how much that is in dollar?" he asked.

Tyrell laughed. "Yes, I did. Don't worry about it, I can afford it."

"That's not the point, I know you can. It's too much. I really don't need the most luxurious Suite, Tyrell."

"I saw that. But I wanted a roof deck with a nice view over the city and this was the cheapest solution to get one," Tyrell explained. It was true, or at least partly. Sure, he wanted to show off a little bit and Elliot had probably figured that out by himself already. But this week was his only shot at proving to Elliot he was worth it; this included showing him that he could easily buy him everything he desired. 

"Just wait until you see the view and you'll thank me," Tyrell added.

"I doubt that," Elliot mumbled. They arrived in front of their room and Tyrell unlocked it with the key card, motioned for Elliot to enter first.

Tyrell followed him through the tiny corridor and into their bedroom. He spotted a couch and an armchair first, which were both on the right side. There was a table, three chairs, a cupboard with a tv and a safe, but the most important item was on the other side to their left - the bed.

"That's a King Size bed," Elliot stated.

"Exactly," Tyrell gave back, unable to hide his grin. He let go of the handle of his suitcase and pulled Elliot's backpack off of his shoulders.

"Let's see if it's comfortable, shall we?" Tyrell said before he moved Elliot towards the bed. Elliot turned around to him and wrapped his arms around his neck, crashed their lips together. Tyrell could barely hold back a moan; he was hard just from imagining what would happen next.

Tyrell landed on top of Elliot on the bed and Elliot pulled his shirt over his head, while Tyrell pulled the zipper of Elliot's hoodie down.

"Sure you feel up to it?" Tyrell asked in-between kisses. Elliot was still going through withdrawal, right? Tyrell didn't know how long that would last until Elliot would go back to normal.

"Just go slow," Elliot answered, but he was already working on opening Tyrell's belt. Not exactly the definition of slow.

But Tyrell didn't mind. Hell, he would accept every rhythm Elliot wanted, as long as he could have him.

  


**|~|**

  


Tyrell woke up with goosebumps all over his skin. Cold wind came from his left and he gnashed his teeth to keep them from chattering.

At first, he didn't know where he was. He didn't recognize his surroundings, especially not in the dark. He looked in the direction the cold was coming from and saw that the door to the roof deck was open. Elliot was standing outside, leaning onto the lattice and oblivious to the fact that Tyrell was awake.

Tyrell stood up and slipped into his sweatpants and a hoodie, grabbed Elliot's as well before he shut the wardrobe again. Merely in socks, he stepped out onto the roof deck, regretted it when they soaked with snow immediately. He resisted the urge to turn around again and get shoes because he just wanted to get Elliot back inside with him. Who still didn't turn around, as if he hadn't heard Tyrell rummage in their hotel room.

Tyrell came to a halt behind him, wrapped his arms around his chest and hugged him from behind.

"Can't sleep?" he asked near his right ear.

"Not really," Elliot murmured and leaned back slightly, shivered. When Tyrell trailed a few kisses over his neck, he noticed that they left goosebumps in their place.

"Come back to bed, it's freezing," Tyrell added.

Elliot turned around to him and they parted. When Elliot took a sharp drag on his cigarette, his expression changed. At first, he had looked a bit sad, but then he was unreadable to Tyrell, once again.

"It didn't occur to you that you could've quit smoking along with the morphine, did it?" Tyrell chuckled. He hadn't voiced it to him yet, but he didn't particularly enjoy the smell of smoke on him. He had grown used to it, sure, but he would always prefer to smell the real him instead of it being layered over by the smell of ash.

"I dreamt this," Elliot gave back, ignoring his further comment. "Or hallucinated. However you wanna call it. Before you came home from Paris."

_Came home from Paris._ Seeing that Tyrell had gone straight to Elliot's place after he had arrived, it almost sounded as if Tyrell lived at his place. He kind of had for a while afterwards, but they both knew it was something that couldn't last. Tyrell had already started to look for other places to rent so he could move out of his apartment with Joanna, but even after he had hit up some of his contacts, it had been obvious that his search would continue for a while. He wasn't just going to take any place that was available. No, if... only if Elliot would choose to come back with him to New York, maybe they could get a place together. It was probably still too early to think about moving in together, but Tyrell wanted to dream.

"You dream of me?" Tyrell asked. He draped Elliot's hoodie over his shoulders and Elliot slipped his arms in.

"Sometimes," Elliot murmured, looked at his hands while he zipped his hoodie. "But those were just... hallucinations. I dreamt you were CTO, too."

"Really? Maybe those were visions of the future. You're here with me now, after all. This is real," Tyrell answered with a soft smile. 

"I wouldn't want all of them to become real," Elliot mumbled and snubbed his cigarette over the balcony lattice. He passed Tyrell and went back inside, so he followed.

"Why? What else -" Tyrell started, but Elliot cut him off.

"You don't want to know."

"I do, Elliot. I want to know everything about you," Tyrell gave back. They got back into the bed and Elliot pulled the blanket up until his chin, turned to his side so he was facing Tyrell.

"You shot me, in another dream. After you... after you said..." Elliot choked out, pressed his lips together. _What is he hiding? What did I do? Did I hurt him? Is he afraid of me?_

"Well, that's got to happen in a different reality, then. Because in this one, I'm surely not going to shoot you," Tyrell answered. Elliot had closed his eyes and furrowed his brows, obviously fighting the bad memory. Tyrell shuffled closer to him and pressed a kiss to his forehead before he pulled him into a hug.

"I dreamt of you a couple of times, too, in the past months," Tyrell admitted quietly after a while. "Mostly just work related things, but there was one I couldn't get out of my head. I was at the Christmas staff party with Joanna and we talked to... I don't even know who we talked to, maybe Scott and his wife. Yes, I think it was them... regardless, Sharon asks me when we intend to get married. And I give her a funny look because Joanna and I are already married. So I turn around to Joanna, but Joanna's not standing next to me. Instead of her, it's you who's by my side. And while I'm still confused, you tell her that you don't ever want to get married, not even to the love of your life. Then you look at me with a daring look and I feel somewhat disappointed, but also so... spurred on. I want to change your mind in that dream. And then I wake up and I… couldn't shake that feeling. Even days after, I still felt it. Even… right now."

Tyrell took a shallow breath and exhaled with a shaky laugh. _Didn't have to reveal myself like this, didn't I? Fuck, was that too much for him? Was that too honest?_

"Tyrell..." Elliot started, but Tyrell quickly interrupted him.

"Don't overthink this, okay? It was just a dream. This wasn't... I'm not proposing, if that's what you think. Only if you want to-"

"Tyrell -"

"No, forget this, obviously you don't want me to. I mean, I don't want to, either. At least not now. It's way too early to talk about marrying, I don't even know why I brought it up -"

Elliot freed himself from his hug and pressed their lips together. 

"For once, stop talking and let me answer," Elliot demanded, waited for Tyrell to nod until he continued. "I never actually said I don't want to marry. Actually, I'd like that. One day, with someone I'm sure of. Someone who understands who I am and who is okay with that. But..."

"Too soon, I know," Tyrell added when Elliot didn't continue.

"Yeah," Elliot murmured. Tyrell leaned in for a slow kiss and felt the tension vanish out of Elliot again.

"I'd like to be that person for you, though," Tyrell whispered after they parted. "Not necessarily the one you want to marry, but the one you can be yourself around. The one you can be at ease with, the one you can laugh with and the one that makes you feel good. I want you to be able to trust me and to trust in the fact that I love you. Because I do, Elliot. I really do."

  


**|~|**

  


"I wanna know where we're going," Elliot repeated himself, with more annoyance this time.

Tyrell was driving them through Berlin, navigated by Google Maps. He had made sure that Elliot wouldn't be able to get a glimpse of the address, wanted to keep their destination a surprise. He didn't think he ever had one of those "official" dates with Elliot, and he had been a bit too scared to ask beforehand. He had feared that Elliot would've flat out told him 'no', especially if Tyrell had actually told him they were going ice-skating. He didn't even know if Elliot had ever done that before, couldn't imagine it.

"I hate surprises," Elliot added when Tyrell didn't reply. Tyrell shot him a glance from the side, wished he could stare at him for longer than a tiny second, but the traffic in Berlin was just nuts. He wished he hadn't rented a car for them; the public transports such as the subway or the bus would have been less stressful, even a taxi would've been enough. But it was part of another surprise he had planned - he was going to take Elliot to Hamburg. It was merely a three hours drive, he would manage that. The last time they had been here, the two of them had discussed driving up to Hamburg and staying over the weekend, far out of reach from their colleagues, but had decided against it last minute because they had to catch up on some of the work they hadn't had time for during the week. Elliot had looked kind of disappointed about that, even though he had done his best to hide it from him.

"In three-hundred meters, please turn right," the Google Maps lady told him, so Tyrell looked into the right rearview mirror, turned on the indicator and switched lanes when he had enough space between their car and the one behind them.

" _Eisstadion_? What does that mean?" Elliot asked when he had read the sign they had just followed. Since they only had a few minutes left until they'd arrive, Tyrell gave in.

"Google it," Tyrell allowed.

"Means ice stadium. We're going ice-skating?" Elliot asked, his tone a little bit high-pitched now. Tyrell suppressed a laugh.

"Yes, _älskling_ , we're going ice-skating," Tyrell confirmed it.

Elliot groaned. "We've left our hotel for this? It's freezing."

"It'll be fun," Tyrell resisted while he backed into a parking spot. When he was satisfied with his parking, he turned the key in the ignition to turn off the engine and put a hand on Elliot's thigh, kept him from bolting out of the car.

"You know, when you told me you want to prove yourself to me I thought you were going to take me out to dinner or some fancy shit like that," Elliot admitted, stared right ahead so he avoided Tyrell's gaze. Tyrell sighed, removed his seatbelt and then reached over to kiss him. Elliot turned around eventually, met his lips with a soft kiss.

"I'm going to take you out to dinner if that's what you want. I just didn't think you'd want me to. I didn't even pack another decent suit, to be honest," Tyrell answered with a shy smile.

"I'm shocked," Elliot replied but sounded merely half serious anymore. The hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, so Tyrell leaned in for another kiss.

"Come on, let's get going," Tyrell said after they parted, earned a snort from Elliot.

"You're the one who keeps cornering me," Elliot complained, slightly pouting. That was a thing he could do? Tyrell felt the corners of his mouth lift up by themselves. 

"I didn't have the impression that you minded it."

"We're in public, Tyrell. So yes, I kind of do mind."

With that, Elliot opened the door to his right and got out of the car. 

"I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise," Tyrell answered after he had gotten out as well and locked the car. Elliot scoffed and lit a cigarette. 

  


**|~|**

  


So, he had tried. He had really made an effort in keeping the touching to a minimum. 

It had lasted until they were on the ice. But Elliot had proven to be extremely clumsy and Tyrell… well, he was focused on keeping Elliot from toppling over every five seconds. 

"I hate you," Elliot panted. Tyrell had led them to the gate that surrounded the ice so Elliot could rest for a few minutes. 

"Oh, really?" Tyrell gave back, tried to keep himself from grinning but failed. Elliot looked plain adorable like this. His cheeks were red from the cold and his hair was mussed from the wind. Tyrell wanted nothing else but to hug and kiss him, but he kept his distance. Well, if you could call the few inches their bodies were standing apart _distance_. For Tyrell, it was still too far away. 

"Yeah. And stop laughing at me," Elliot answered. 

"I'm not laughing at you, _älskling_ ," Tyrell resisted. 

"Whatever," Elliot murmured. He looked away to the exit and shuffled his feet, but lost his balance once more. Tyrell grabbed his waist to keep him from falling and Elliot clung to him, mumbled a "thanks" when he had steadied himself. 

"Just… take a spin by yourself and leave me here for a bit. Figures that's why you dragged me here," Elliot said. 

"I really thought you'd have more fun, babe."

That nickname managed to coax a weak chuckle out of Elliot. 

"Just go," he murmured and bit his bottom lip. By now, Tyrell knew to interpret this as one of his shy gestures, knew it meant Elliot was trying to keep himself from smiling. 

"Okay," Tyrell answered and pressed a kiss to Elliot's cheek. Before he could protest, Tyrell had already pulled back and skated off into the other direction. 

It had been years since he had last gone ice-skating. He remembered doing it a while ago when his little sister Freja had come to visit him in New York. Only that she wasn't as little anymore as he had in mind. Freja was merely four years younger than him. Worked in advertising in Stockholm, if he remembered correctly. She would turn thirty this year… maybe he should call her. The least he could do was tell her that he was getting a divorce from Joanna. She would probably be thrilled; she had hated Joanna the moment Tyrell had introduced them. "She's so fake, I really don't understand what you see in her," Freja had said on the phone the day after. He had been pissed and hung up after telling her to mind her own business. That at least he was in a relationship and not fucking around like she was. Freja lacked discipline in ways he had never been able to comprehend. She had never known what she wanted to do, jumped from college to college as if it was fun. She was a force of nature, a true whirlwind, just like their mother. But who was Tyrell to judge that, anyway? Their mother had disappeared shortly after Freja had been born and had never cared enough to check on them. She had run from her responsibilities, just like Freja liked to do.

_"Are you even sure you're alive? There's more to life than work, big brother. Helvete, Tyrell, you're wasting your life on a company that doesn't give a shit about you and a woman who only cares about your success. Wake the fuck up. Call me, then, but only then."_

That was the last thing she had said to him, about... what was it, two years ago?

Lost in his memories, Tyrell hadn't noticed that he had done way more than just one round alone. More aware of his surroundings now, he looked around and tried to find Elliot. The ice was packed with parents and children and with the speed he had on, he could barely make out any faces.

But Elliot was just where Tyrell had left him, still leaning against the gate. Tyrell felt himself smile without wanting to. Elliot was talking on the phone and looking in another direction while Tyrell headed toward him.

And he would've made it just fine if it weren't for the fucking teenager that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and skated into him. Tyrell went crashing down, barely managed to focus on falling forwards and stretching out his hands to absorb the fall.

"Watch where you're going, asshole," Tyrell grumbled with the last bit of air that was left in his lungs.

" _Fick dich, du Penner_!" the guy answered. Tyrell didn't have to speak German to understand that his response probably hadn't been much nicer than his previous one had been. No big deal; if it weren't for him laughing. Tyrell turned around to face the boy who had run into him, but he had already skated off again.

Instead, he was lying on the ice right in front of Elliot, who was also the one laughing.

Tyrell shoved himself up with as much elegance as he could manage, could've used a helping hand, but Elliot was too busy laughing at him. Tyrell blinked, not quite sure if he was hallucinating. Sure, he had seen Elliot laugh, achieved that quite a few times by now, but this... this was different. Elliot could barely breathe, that's how hard he was laughing. He was still clutching the gate with one hand and his phone with the other, but he was curled slightly, bent over from the pressure of laughing.

"Glad you're having fun," Tyrell remarked ironically, but it missed the edge. He wasn't really mad at him, even though he loathed being laughed at.

"Sorry, it's just... your face. Fucking priceless," Elliot choked out as soon as he had sucked in some air.

Tyrell shook his face and made a tsk-sound while he grinned back at his boyfriend.

"Sorry, give me a minute," he added and motioned towards his phone.

"Sure, finish. Do you want me to go?" Tyrell asked.

"No, it's okay. It's Krista," Elliot gave back. Tyrell had no clue who Krista was, but Elliot said it with such a matter of course that Tyrell chose not to question it. Maybe it would become obvious anyway. At least it wouldn't be work-related.

"Sorry about that, Tyrell fell and it was... yeah, Tyrell. Mr. Wellick. Yes, that one," Elliot continued into his phone. Tyrell dared to place his hand on top of Elliot's on the gate, got a glance from him in response. Instead of pulling away, Elliot turned his hand around with his palm up, so that Tyrell could interlace them.

"I know what I told you. I am on vacation... with him. We're sort of... dating," Elliot went on, blushing.

Elliot Alderson was blushing. And when he caught Tyrell's look, the blush deepened. _Holy shit_.

"I know he's my boss... Krista, calm down. It's a long story, but I gotta go now. I'll text you when I'm back in New York. Yeah. Okay. Bye."

When he's back in New York? Not if, but _when?_ Was he already so certain that he was coming back?

They had barely spent two days together here. Tyrell didn't count their first day; they had spent the rest of the Monday in bed at the Sheraton hotel. Elliot had been asleep most of the time, too weary from the withdrawal to do anything more, so Tyrell had used that time to be productive and work. Elliot had lent him his charger, so Tyrell had been able to help out Jensen and Scott, after all.

Tuesday hadn't been all too different; the bed was still their main spot. Just this time, they acknowledged each other. Elliot had allowed Tyrell to cuddle up close and they had made out a lot. That, or they had eaten pizza while they had watched _Mad Men_ on Netflix. Tyrell had gotten the expression that neither of them really cared much for the show, but that was fine. Neither of them had missed out on much content when they had focused on each other rather than the show for an episode.

And then there had been last night when he had found Elliot on the balcony. And the late night confessions. Fearing it would leave an awkward impression, Tyrell had improvised and taken Elliot to the Eisstadium late in the morning.

"So, Krista... was that a friend of yours?" Tyrell asked after Elliot had pocketed his phone again.

"No, she's... my therapist," Elliot answered. _Oh_. Tyrell had known that he was forced to see one, since Elliot had told him about his depression a while ago, but he had forgotten about it till now.

"And now your therapist knows that we're dating," Tyrell added, mainly because it sounded too odd as a thought to be true.

"Sort-of-dating," Elliot corrected.

Tyrell rolled his eyes. "Okay, my sort-of-boyfriend," he started, shuffled closer to him, "wanna grab something to eat?"

"Sure," Elliot replied, didn't move backwards. Maybe because he didn't know how; maybe because he didn't want to. Tyrell slung his arms around Elliot's waist and pulled them together. Elliot held his gaze, bit his bottom lip again.

"Can I -"

Elliot interrupted him by pressing their lips together. It lasted for a few seconds; then Elliot suddenly clung to Tyrell's jacket, but couldn't get a good enough grip. He lost his balance and tore the both of them to the ground. Tyrell landed on top of him, barely managed to cup the back of Elliot's head in time so he didn't hit it on the ice. Instead, his hand grazed over the surface.

"I'm never doing this again," Elliot stated.

  


**|~|**

  


Half an hour later, they were sitting in a booth in an American Diner a few streets away from the stadium. Well, sort-of American. Elliot had scoffed when Tyrell had proposed it, but grudgingly accepted because he had wanted to eat a burger.

Tyrell couldn't help but smile at the sight of how greedily Elliot stuffed french fries into himself. They were facing each other and the table between them was too wide to just reach over and kiss him.

"Is that fancy enough for you?" Tyrell smirked at him in reference to their earlier conversation, where Elliot had wanted to go out for dinner instead of ice-skating.

"Barely," Elliot deadpanned back. The diner was dimly lit by red light, painted Elliot's face darker than usual.

"So, if we're talking fancy... I was thinking, maybe we could drive up to Hamburg tomorrow," Tyrell proposed.

Elliot stopped chewing.

"Hamburg? Why?"

"Because we wanted to go last year and couldn't, remember?"

Tyrell stole a french fry from his plate and ate it before Elliot could protest. Which he did, by furrowing his brows at him, but then it was already too late.

"Is that why you rented the car?" Elliot asked.

"Yes," Tyrell said.

"Can I think about it?" 

Tyrell sighed. That sentence didn't exactly provoke any good memories.

"Sure. Or you can just say no to me outright, I won't be mad."

"Well, I'm not sure if I want to endure your driving for more than two hours straight, to be honest," Elliot answered after a short pause. Tyrell scoffed, but Elliot grinned slightly, so his annoyance puffed out after a few seconds.

"You'd have to trust me," Tyrell answered. He stretched out his right leg, searched for Elliot's under the table.

"I do trust you," Elliot murmured, suddenly averting his gaze. _Oh_. He did?

"Since when?" Tyrell asked, sounding only half as serious as he actually was.

There was another short pause when Elliot thought about his answer. "Well, you're here with me now, aren't you? And you haven't bolted yet, not even after that incident with your wife."

Tyrell flinched. He had almost forgotten about the fact that his wife - no, Joanna, not his wife anymore - was filing for sole custody.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to remind you, that was... dumb. Sorry," Elliot added.

"It's okay," Tyrell gave back.

"No, it's not. But I just... I mean... just... thank you, Tyrell. For being here."

Tyrell reached over and cupped Elliot's hands in his. He could imagine that such a revelation wasn't easy for him.

"I'm glad I'm here, too, Elliot."

Elliot smiled back at him for a few seconds until he couldn't hold his gaze anymore. While Elliot took another bite of his burger, Tyrell stole another fry. Elliot kicked him under the table in response and Tyrell laughed softly. 

" _Darfs noch was sein bei euch?_ " a waitress asked, suddenly standing by their side. Neither of them had heard her coming.

"Sorry?" Tyrell asked. Didn't she remember that neither of them spoke German?

"Oh, right, you're the English people. Can I get you anything else?" the waitress switched into english.

Tyrell answered "no, thank you," at the same time that Elliot said, "yes, please."

"A couple of french fries for my boyfriend would be great," Elliot added after Tyrell had shut up.

"Sure, coming right up," the waitress answered, but Tyrell barely heard her. _Boyfriend_ echoed through his head. Not sort-of-boyfriend. 

"You can close your mouth again, Tyrell," Elliot chuckled.

"You said -"

"I know what I said," Elliot interrupted him, "leave it, please."

_I'm his boyfriend._

Tyrell was sure that he wouldn't get that lovesick grin out of his face for the rest of the day. _Boyfriend_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna try to explain how busy I am and all that shit, but be assured that this is still being continued (and finished), so, if you're still here, I really appreciate it! :)
> 
> This was part 2 out of 3 parts from Tyrell's POV. The next one will mark the end of the Berlin trip. But will Tyrell return with or without Elliot? Who knows! Well, I do, but where's the fun in that? :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I advise you to read "Call Out My Name" before you read this chapter, 'cause I'm referencing to a lot of stuff that happened there and which gets important now. But if you don't have or don't want to read it, then you'll understand what's going on here, too.

A few hours later, Tyrell was still riding those endorphins that Elliot's… well, was it a confession? Was it a promise? Whatever it was, Tyrell couldn't stop smiling. By now Elliot was embarrassed and annoyed by it, but every time Tyrell tried to fight it down, he looked at his _boyfriend_ and couldn't control himself again.

The only time Tyrell had actually had used the term was with the guy he had dated when he had still been in college, back in Stockholm over a decade ago. But it had sounded silly to him, immature; he had insisted on using the term 'partner' instead. It hadn't lasted long anyway, mainly because his ex had wanted to stay in Sweden and he didn't. 

Nonetheless, this stupid little thing made him so happy that he couldn't (and also didn't want to) stop feeling like he was on top of the world. 

That was probably the reason why they were doing... _this_. Their hotel had a pool and Tyrell had proposed that they could go swimming. Elliot had remarked him with a partly annoyed and partly amused expression as if he couldn't believe that Tyrell would really ask to do something that stupid. A couple of beers later and Elliot had brought it up again, giddy and somewhat cocky. Tyrell loved him like this: tipsy and braver than usual.

"Did you bring a towel?" Elliot asked him when they entered the swimming hall.

"Do I look like I did? I have nothing on me," Tyrell gave back, grinning while he shook his head in disbelief.

"Not nothing... you're still quite dressed," Elliot observed, still with that cocky half-grin of his. He had probably already forgotten about the damn towel again.

Tyrell raised his eyebrows at him. "So, are you going to do something about that?"

Elliot scoffed, went ahead without acknowledging him any further. He stripped out of his shirt while he walked to the pool, threw it carelessly to the ground.

Tyrell hurried after him, but he needed a little bit longer to undress than Elliot. When Tyrell had finished unbuttoning his dress shirt, Elliot had already jumped headfirst into the pool. It was a damn great thing they were completely alone here; on a Wednesday evening half an hour before closing, surely nobody was going to disturb them.

"Come on," Elliot called out, spread out on his back so he could float on the surface. Tyrell looked up at him and suddenly stilled. He had been folding his shirt until now, but there was something... _something_ about that boy that made him stop caring about everything else but him. So what if he'd get wrinkles in his clothes? So be it. Tyrell climbed out of his jeans and left them crumbled onto the ground, jumped right after him into the water. He caused enough waves to irritate Elliot, so he plunged back under the surface as Tyrell was swimming towards him.

"Hey, _boyfriend_ ," Tyrell murmured softly as soon as he had caught up to him. Elliot bit his lip, looked up to him, mumbled a shy "hey" back. Tyrell cupped his face with both his hands, discovered a few drops of water that were clinging to Elliot's eyelashes. It made him look somewhat younger. Or maybe that was just because he seemed to be at ease. The tense version he normally was made him appear older than 29; older and wearier.

Tyrell pressed a firm kiss to his forehead, but Elliot slung his arms around Tyrell's neck, pulled him down so he was kissing his mouth instead. 

They stood in the water and kissed until they had no air left, and then some more. He felt as if they had stopped time; this was one of those moments he wanted to remember forever. Just standing in the middle of a swimming pool in Berlin at night, tipsy and comfortable. Lost in each other.

"Remember when you got drunk on _Glühwein_ last year?" Tyrell asked after a while. 

Elliot laughed, then nodded. "Sadly yes. I wish I wouldn't, so I didn't have to cringe every time I remember how much I embarrassed myself."

"Cringe? You were adorable that evening. Especially when you almost cried because you stole one of those cups that had a pledge on it," Tyrell stated. 

"I wasn't crying!" he called out with a frown before he splashed water at him. 

"Real mature," Tyrell commented, but laughed at the way Elliot dove away from him to get a safe distance between them. He was too slow anyway. Tyrell dove after him, caught up to him quicker than Elliot wanted and held onto him from behind. But while he was clinging to Elliot, his boyfriend did the wiser move and shoved the both of them backward, resulting in getting them both underwater. Tyrell struggled to get them back up, but Elliot was stronger than him; he had to let go of him to get back to the surface. 

Which he did, but not for long. As soon as they were back up, Tyrell wrapped his arms around his waist in an intend to tickle him. But Elliot had other plans; he turned around and crashed their lips together. It was wet and Tyrell hated the immediate taste of chlorine on his tongue, but it didn't matter. Not when Elliot made these tiny little noises of appreciation.

"We did that, too, that night in Berlin," Elliot murmured with a soft smile in-between a few kisses. 

"Yeah, even though I really shouldn't have engaged with you. Stealing that cup kinda turned you into a criminal," Tyrell joked full of sarcasm, laughing under his breath while Elliot rolled his eyes. 

"Sure, my other criminal history doesn't concern you. For example, all the hacking I did before I met you and all the felonies we committed together, but dear Lord, stealing that German cup? Someone please lock me up," Elliot answered. He couldn't stop his laughter anymore now and Tyrell's heart leaped at that sound. He wrapped a hand around the back of Elliot's neck, brought their foreheads together. 

"Guess I have fallen for a real bad boy. What are we gonna do about that?" Tyrell asked, biting his bottom lip and raising his eyebrows in a suggestive matter. 

Elliot's laughter died down. "Don't do that. I'm not your bad boy. Don't go down that road."

"I take it that roleplay's not a turn on for you, then," Tyrell concluded. Elliot's skin under his fingers heated up and there was the hint of red on his cheeks all of a sudden. 

"No. I'd appreciate it if we remain two equally consenting adults all the time. That'd be nice," Elliot gave back. 

"Noted. No roleplay with you. Any other no-go's I should know of? You know, so I don't make a fool out of myself again?" 

"Hate to disappoint you with that one, but no BDSM," Elliot admitted, although quietly under his breath, as if it embarrassed him to talk about it. 

"Glad to hear that," Tyrell answered, truthfully. Not only would it remind him of Joanna, but he had also grown tired of it very quickly. It had become a routine between him and his ex-wife, something she claimed too often, excusing it by saying it's "the only thing you can actually get right". 

"Wait," Tyrell added, "did you know I'm experienced with that or why did you think that would disappoint me?"

"No, I…" he stammered, "it was just an expression. I didn't know."

So why was there something in his tone that made Tyrell not believe him that for any second? But why would he know about that? He surely hadn't told him about that in person. He had only ever talked about it with Joanna, mostly in person but sometimes via e-mail. She hadn't been shy in sending him pictures of herself, all tied up and -

_Oh._

"When was the last time you hacked me?"

Elliot brought a meter of distance between them, suddenly avoiding to look at him now. Well, that was enough of an answer, wasn't it?

"I thought you trusted me. _I_ trusted you," he whispered. 

"We were broken up. I thought it didn't matter anymore whether I did or not," Elliot admitted slowly. "I'm sorry."

"Well, in this case, that's not a big deal then, right?" Tyrell answered, voice dripping with bitter irony. 

"I never hacked you when we were together, I swear," Elliot stammered, "I… I wanted to keep your trust. You need to believe that. It was just a stupid thing I did and I regretted it afterwards, but I was so mad at you and -"

"Remember how you freaked out because I knew the passcode of your phone and used it to text Darlene three weeks ago? Remember that, then you might be able to understand what I'm feeling now." 

He felt so fucking betrayed. It wasn't that Elliot had slipped back into his usual behavior; Tyrell knew he took comfort from hacking. But it was the not-knowing why he would choose to do that to him. To get dirt on him? To know whether Tyrell was talking about him? 

"Why did you do it?" he asked. 

"I told you. You broke up with me -"

" _You_ broke up with _me_ , Elliot."

"- and I was mad. I missed you. I wanted to know if you missed me, too."

Tyrell blinked. "You… what?"

"I missed you," Elliot repeated himself, louder now, bolder. Was that the alcohol in his system? Tyrell knew how hard it was for Elliot to admit something like that. 

"Thank you for being honest with me," Tyrell said, wanted him to know exactly how much he appreciated his honesty. It was almost enough for him to be able to forget that Elliot had broken his trust and snooped around in his personal life. 

"Do you still know my password?" Tyrell asked after Elliot had kept his silence. He nodded slowly, still not daring to look back at him. 

"Tell me, then."

Elliot took a deep breath now and his voice trembled when he answered, "Ald3rs0n86."

  


**|~|**

  


Still drunk. No, not still, actually properly drunk by now. 

"What about that evening when we went out to Coney Island? What was that about? I've been wondering that for a long time now," Elliot asked, regarding him with a strange look while he took a sharp drag of his cigarette. 

Tyrell raised his eyebrows. "I remember that," he answered slowly, phishing for more time. Back in August, Elliot and he had gotten pizza and beers and watched the sunset over the ocean, skipping the after-hours they had needed to finish a project. He actually had no clue what that evening had been about. He knew he had been fed up with work and with Joanna setting too much pressure on him, but he hadn't thought about Elliot the way he did now then. And some part of him knew that Elliot wanted to hear just that, but he also couldn't bring himself to lie to him. 

"Do you want me to be completely honest?" Tyrell asked in response, sipping on his cocktail to act nonchalant. 

"Not sure, but go for it," Elliot gave back. 

"Like I said back then, at least I think I did, was that I needed to clear my head. There was too much pressure from everywhere and you were the only one who managed to calm me down at least a bit. I blamed it on the sex, actually."

"Not like we fucked on the beach, though," Elliot remarked drily. Tyrell choked on his drink. _No, but we fucked in your apartment afterward._ That would probably not be the right answer, though. 

"That's… true. And fair. But you can't be mad at me for wanting a time-out," Tyrell responded instead.

"I'm not mad. I just thought you might have… forget it. It's not important."

"No, tell me," Tyrell probed. 

Elliot sighed, skidding away from him. His smile fell from his face. "I just thought that it had meant something, then. Guess I was just foolish."

"Come on, don't play it down like that. It did mean something to me, too." 

"Oh, did it now?" Elliot replied, rather cocky for someone that had been disappointed merely five seconds ago. But with the alcohol, it was hard to keep track of Elliot's mood swings. 

"Yes, it did. Like the Christmas office party at Evil Corp, remember that one? The one Joanna couldn't attend before we left for Berlin?"

Tyrell smiled fondly at him, stretched out his leg so it touched Elliot's under the table. 

"Because she couldn't find a sitter, yeah. Thought that was a lame excuse, but at least you had that gathering at your apartment to make up for that."

"Yes, well, let's not remember that one. That didn't go too well," Tyrell answered, tried to laugh it off but Elliot didn't join him. 

"No, it didn't," Elliot agreed. 

"Anyway, I -"

"You got drunk and I had to carry you to your office so you wouldn't throw your drink at Jensen," Elliot interrupted him, a tiny grin having crept on his face again now. 

"I wasn't _that_ drunk," Tyrell complained. But if he was being honest, he didn't remember much of that evening, other than having spent it with Elliot. Normally he used the company parties to buddy up and network with colleagues from other departments, but that evening had been different; he hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from Elliot. His drunken self had whispered to him that he was feeling a damn lot for him and he had tried to shove that thought away, but the more drinks he had had, the harder that had turned out to be. 

"Yes, you were," Elliot gave back, chuckling. 

"Maybe. But Jensen's an asshole, he would have deserved it."

"You don't even remember what you were mad about."

Tyrell opened his mouth in exasperation before he protested, "because it doesn't matter. Everything he says is drink-throw-worthy."

Elliot snorted. " _Drink-throw-worthy_? How many of those cocktails have you had by now?" 

"I… I don't know," Tyrell laughed. "Enough so that I would be willing to dance."

Elliot understood the reference in a heartbeat, frowned but couldn't hold back his laughter again. Another memory of the Christmas party - Tyrell had wanted to dance along with the others, but Elliot had held him back… by physically forcing him out of the building and shoving him into a taxi. 

"No. You made me promise you that I would never let you dance, not ever. Sober promises outmatch the drunken ones, babe."

" _Babe_?" Tyrell echoed, too shocked to laugh outright. Elliot's jaw dropped a little, apparently surprised about that nickname himself.

"I… you misheard me," he stammered.

"No, I didn't," Tyrell giggled. "You called me babe. Can I get that in writing?"

"Shut up, idiot. It just slipped out. Never gonna happen again."

The light was too dim to tell, but Tyrell could've sworn that Elliot's cheeks had turned dark red. How adorable. 

"You know what we'll do? We'll find a club, right now. There's nothing you can do to stop me. We're far away from ECorp and all our colleagues and no one here knows us. We're _going_ to dance."

Having said that, Tyrell got his phone out from the pocket of his jeans and attempted to unlock it. He would have, but there were… "five missed calls from Jensen? What does that fucker want now?"

Elliot laughed, shook his head. "Hell if I know. Work stuff? Screw him."

"No, those are five calls, all within the last hour. What if it's something important? Look, there's also one missed call from Scott, too," Tyrell resisted, showed his notifications to his assistant… or boyfriend. Only boyfriend, he reminded himself. They were on vacation, for fuck's sake. 

"Tyrell, you're drunk. I don't think it would be a good -"

"I'm going to call him back," Tyrell interrupted him, "I'll do it outside, don't worry. No work talk for you, _babe_."

"Oh, fuck off," Elliot scoffed, but it missed the edge. Tyrell turned to him and pressed a kiss to his lips before he got up, dialing Jensen's number while he was on his way out of the bar. He had just slipped into his jacket when his call had gone through.

"Finally! Where the fuck have you been?" Jensen asked, causing Tyrell to regret this call immediately. 

"On vacation. It's eleven PM in Berlin, be happy that I'm even calling you back. What's up?" Tyrell answered, didn't hide his annoyance. 

"Ah, I knew it! You're with Elliot, isn't that cute?" Jensen scoffed. 

"Yes, because of an emergency that's frankly none of your fucking business."

"Did you drink? You only swear when you're drunk," Jensen asked, instead of just getting to the point. _Asshole_.

"Yes, I did. Even more impressive when you consider that I actually called you back. So, get to the point. What is it?"

"Have you been so blinded by love that you didn't see the new video FSociety released?"

"The new… what now? No, I haven't," Tyrell stammered, while he put his phone on loudspeakers for a moment to search through his emails. And there it was, forwarded to him by Jensen half an hour ago. 

"I'm only going to explain it to you once, Wellick, so sober up and listen," Jensen spoke up. Tyrell had wanted to watch the video first, but something told him that he didn't want to interrupt his colleague now. So he put his phone back on silent and leaned against a near lamppost. 

"There has been a flaw in your ECorp messenger security system -"

"Bullshit, that's not possible. We wrote the goddamn program and we wrote it perfectly -" Tyrell burst out. Something he definitely wouldn't have done if he would have been sober. 

"Not perfect enough, it seems. The hackers have found a loophole and extracted thousands of contact information as well as chat back-ups… the list goes on and on. And here's the catch: they claim that this was possible because there is a snitch at ECorp. They have a man on the inside."

Tyrell knew exactly what Jensen was implying. There had only been two people involved in coding that program: him and Elliot. And he knew for a fact that he wasn't a part of FSociety… which only left Elliot as the possible snitch. 

"No. This can't be true. You're wrong," he stuttered, because… _no_. It just wasn't true. He trusted Elliot with his _life_. He had no reason to betray him. Tyrell remembered that Elliot had hacked him merely a few weeks ago and thus, betrayed him, but he shoved that thought away. This was different. Elliot and FSociety? That was utterly ridiculous. 

_But he believes in everything FSociety stands for._

_No. No, no, no. Elliot isn't a part of FSociety._

"Tyrell, it's not looking good for you two. I hate to admit it, but I don't believe you to be a part of FSociety. Nonetheless, you two have been kicked off of the program until this is settled."

"We… what? But we didn't do anything wrong. Maybe we… maybe we made a mistake and just oversaw something. We rushed the entire thing and Elliot coded that thing basically the night before the presentation, I'm… I'm sure we just messed something up. But he's not a part of FSociety," Tyrell pleaded with a rough, trembling voice. 

"It's not my place to judge whether this is true or not, but… and I can't believe what I'm about to say, but I hope you're right," Jensen answered quietly. Tyrell would have been able to appreciate it more had that confession happened at a different time, but just now, Elliot left the bar, immediately looking out for him. 

"I'll look into it. Is this public yet?"

"No, it's not. Just… don't blow it. Scott knows, obviously, and there's gossip, but no one else but us three knows about that accusation. I can't promise that it won't get out, though."

"I swear to god Jensen, if we come back and everyone's accusing us of working with FSociety, I will cut your throat," Tyrell lashed out. An unnecessary threat, given the fact that Jensen had been surprisingly nice to him these past minutes. Maybe he was worried, too. Maybe he knew, deep down, that he wasn't ready to take over Tyrell's position, even though it was what he had always wanted. 

But fuck it, that didn't matter now. What mattered was Elliot, who was looking at him from afar now, three guys around him. Did he want Tyrell to get him out of that situation? Tyrell couldn't figure from the distance. 

"Noted. If you don't mind, I actually called because I have some technical questions. Can you answer those right now or are you too drunk?"

There it was again, the familiar snark. Tyrell was somehow glad about it. "Like I said, Elliot coded it. He's the one you should ask," Tyrell answered, starting to walk towards his boyfriend now. 

"He's not responding to any of my calls or emails. He hasn't for weeks now, so I've stopped trying."

"That's cause he's not obligated to do that when he's on vacation. But I can hand you over real quick, how about that?"

By now, Tyrell had caught up to Elliot and was in ear-shot. Elliot's face fell and he gave him a full-on horrified grimace. That was a no, then.

"That would be -"

"Great, wouldn't it? Just too bad that he's not with me right now," Tyrell tried to save it, faked a laugh. 

"Wellick, that was a cheap safe. I'll let it slide if you get back to me tomorrow when you've both sobered up."

"We will. Don't worry about it," he replied automatically, didn't register his words any further. Elliot was shaking his head like crazy at him, eyebrows furrowed more than ever. 

"You're the one who should worry. Goodbye, Wellick," Jensen answered before he hung up on him. 

"What the hell, Tyrell? What was that about?" Elliot demanded. 

"We'll talk about it tomorrow morning," Tyrell answered, put a hand on his shoulder to reassure him. This man in front of him, a spy for FSociety?

Why couldn't he be one hundred percent sure that the answer was a big fucking screaming NO? Why was there a small chance of this being true?

"Good. Because Toby here," Elliot spoke up, gestured to a guy next to him, "knows a club. We're going dancing."

Tyrell shoved his doubts away. He would deal with this in the morning.

  


**|~|**

  


Tyrell felt so high as if he was on drugs. Maybe he was just drunk on love. Made sense; he was drunk, worse than before, and he was in love, also worse than before. So fucking drunk and so fucking in love. 

Those FSociety accusations, the hack? Long forgotten. Shoved so deep into the back of his mind, he wasn't sure if he would remember them tomorrow. He couldn't bring himself to care. 

"I'm gonna regret this," Elliot mumbled next to him, but Tyrell shushed him and grabbed his hand, pulled him deeper into the club.

"Shots?" Tyrell shouted, slightly turned around to his boyfriend. Elliot nodded, but his smile was forced. Tyrell saw that he was making himself appear small again, tried avoiding touching anyone else. Well, okay, maybe clubbing was against Elliot's nature. Against Tyrell's, too, come to think of it.

"Vodka?" Tyrell asked when he had made his way to the bar, Elliot close to his heels.

"Yeah," Elliot breathed into his ear, so close that a chill crept over his skin. Elliot's lips grazed over that sensitive spot right underneath his ear and goddammit, Tyrell was about to lose his mind. He didn't notice that Elliot ordered shots instead of him, they just appeared in front of them all of a sudden. And Elliot drank both of them without flinching.

"Let's dance," Elliot spoke up, pulled him away from the bar before Tyrell could protest. He laughed when he followed him onto the dance floor.

"Who are you and what have you done to Elliot?" Tyrell asked when they were facing each other again. Elliot pulled him closer by the collar of his dress shirt and laughed along with him, shrugged it off without an answer.

So they danced. And danced. And danced.

Tyrell lost track of time, could barely measure how many times they had gone back to the bar and gotten more shots. His head was spinning and all that mattered was Elliot. His grin seemed to be glued to his lips, barely vanished when they kissed. And oh, they kissed; they made out right there on the dance floor and neither of them minded it. 

In the back of his mind, there was the hint of doubt; this wasn't like Elliot at all. There was nothing left of his shy nature tonight. Not that Tyrell didn't enjoy to see him that at ease with himself, for possibly the first time ever during their time together. But Elliot was outright ecstatic for his nature.

_Enjoy this. Don't overthink._

So he did.

"Do you know what I wanna do to you?"

Elliot had broken their kiss, but his hands hadn't vanished from Tyrell's hips. Quite the contrary; right now, they were tugging at his dress shirt, pulled it out from his jeans and then roamed underneath it. Elliot stood up on his tiptoes and leaned in closer again. Tyrell's lips landed on Elliot's neck and he started planting kisses there.

"I wanna fuck you until you scream my name," Elliot murmured directly into his ear. And then he cupped Tyrell's erection through his jeans, squeezed until a moan escaped Tyrell's lips.

_Oh fuck. Fucking hell._

"Let's get out of here," Tyrell choked out.

"Why the rush? We still have the whole night, and you're not nearly ready enough for it."

"Elliot, I need you. Now," Tyrell groaned, but suddenly Elliot's hands vanished from his body and he pulled back.

"Don't call me that," Elliot snapped. His grin faltered and changed to a frown. Then he passed him and Tyrell was left alone for a few moments before he could gather himself and follow Elliot to the bar.

"Why not? It's your name, after all," Tyrell said when he was behind him again.

"Not tonight," Elliot shot back at him and winked. Then he turned around to the bartender and waved in his direction, "hey man, can I get two hazelnut shots?"

"Hazelnut? Are you serious?" Tyrell snorted. 

"What? They're goddamn delicious," Elliot protested.

"Okay, you're the boss," Tyrell answered and smiled at him.

"Damn straight!" Elliot agreed, raised the tiny shot glass, let it clink against Tyrell's and then downed it along with Tyrell.

"No one's straight here, babyboy," someone shouted from their left. Tyrell was ready to sneer at the guy who dared to interrupt them, but then he recognized him. It was Toby, one of the guys that had lead them here earlier. It still didn't give him the right to give him stupid pet names.

"Wanna come with me to the bathroom and get a refill?" Toby asked Elliot, didn't even glance in Tyrell's direction.

"I think he's had enough for tonight," Tyrell spoke up, because, what the hell? A refill? For what, even? Was he on drugs?

"Oh yeah, and you think he can't decide that for himself?" Toby barked back at him.

"I suggest you back off, now," Tyrell snarled and curled his hands into fists. His body was starting to prickle hot with anger and he knew this was going to end poorly if they didn't stop, but he also couldn't give a shit.

"Well, I suggest you fuck off, man," Toby shouted. And that was enough; Tyrell moved forward, wanted nothing more than to smash his fist into Toby's face.

"How dare -"

"Hey! Enough! Jeez, guys, calm down," Elliot shouted, interrupting him. He had lifted his arms and put a hand on either of their chests to keep them apart. 

"We're leaving," Elliot added with a stern tone. Before Tyrell could protest, Elliot shoved him backward and grabbed his arm, forced him to follow. Which he did, but unfortunately, Toby did, too.

"You can't leave now! The fun has yet to begin, man," Toby spoke up and Tyrell saw his hands wander around Elliot's hips. Then his lips landed on the back of Elliot's neck and Elliot completely tensed, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Let go of me," Elliot murmured, shrinking in size.

"Nah, I know you want me more than this prick you're with," Toby protested.

"He told you to back off," Tyrell insisted, but Toby merely spared him a glance. _Okay, that's enough._

Tyrell hauled off and smashed his fist right into Toby's face. Toby let go of Elliot immediately and stumbled backward.

"Run," Elliot breathed out, his eyes wide open with terror. He shoved Tyrell forward, absently grabbed his hand and then they shoved through the crowd.

They were almost at the exit when Tyrell remembered they needed to get their coats from the wardrobe before they could leave. Everything that was important to him was in there; his wallet, his phone, their hotel keys.

Last minute, Tyrell tugged at Elliot's hand and pulled him into the bathrooms that appeared next to them, prayed they had left Toby far enough behind them that he didn't see it. 

"Come," Elliot mumbled, pulled him deeper into the room and then shoved him into an empty cabin.

"Guys, the darkroom's downstairs," someone commented, but Tyrell didn't have enough breath left to laugh about that.

Elliot shut the door behind them and locked it before he let his back drop against the wall. 

"Fucking hell," he mumbled, covered his face with his hands. They were trembling and Elliot's breathing came uncontrolled, uneven.

"You're safe," Tyrell whispered. He raised a hand to caress his shoulder, but Elliot flinched from his touch.

"Don't. I can't right now," Elliot explained. Tyrell nodded, wondered whether Elliot was going to have a panic attack and how he could possibly prevent that from happening. But he didn't know what he could do, so he just waited. 

After a while, Elliot murmured a "thanks" to him and lifted his hands from his face again, looked back at him.

"No problem," Tyrell gave back, attempting a small smile.

"How did that even happen? One moment we're dancing and the next... _oh_. Oh shit."

"What?" Tyrell asked. But Elliot had stopped talking and his eyes grew wide.

"What is it? What happened?"

Elliot was unnerved and his hands were shaking again; Tyrell's heart sank. What was happening?

"We need to get out of here," Elliot demanded.

"Yes, of course," Tyrell reassured him. "Let me get our jackets."

Elliot unlocked the door and stepped out of the cabin.

"I'll wait outside," he answered, left the bathroom before Tyrell could point out that maybe that wasn't such a good idea with Toby still around and all, but then it was too late.

He'd just have to hurry up, then.

  


**|~|**

  


Against Tyrell's initial fears, Elliot was indeed standing outside, leaning against a lamppost and smoking.

"Hey," Tyrell said after he had walked up to him, greeted him with a timid smile. He held out his jacket to him, but Elliot merely took it without putting it on.

"Do you want to get back to the hotel?" Tyrell asked when Elliot kept his silence.

"I don't know. Tyrell, I think we need to talk."

Tyrell's heart skipped a beat.

This was the moment where he told him that he didn't want to be with him, wasn't it? What else was there serious enough they had to have a 'talk' about? _Fuck_. He had screwed up, in less than a week.

"I was too possessive, wasn't I?" Tyrell asked, a bitter edge in his tone. He couldn't bear to look at Elliot anymore, so he looked at the street instead. On the other side was a restaurant, probably Italian. Maybe Tyrell should've just taken him out for dinner instead of improvising all day long. Shit, he had thought they had been doing good. How -

"What the hell are you talking about?" Elliot gave back. He took a step toward Tyrell, got on his tiptoes in front of him and took his head in his hands. Then he pressed a firm kiss on his lips.

"I'm not breaking up with you," Elliot murmured.

"Oh," Tyrell breathed out. Elliot kissed him again, but he didn't linger as much as Tyrell would've wanted him to.

"Let's walk back to the hotel, okay?" Elliot proposed, took a drag of his cigarette. He made an effort to breathe out the smoke into the opposite direction of Tyrell. How mindful of him. 

Tyrell followed him down the street. He thought about turning on Google Maps so they would be walking in the right direction, but Elliot seemed to have a plan. And he was so tense, Tyrell didn't want to get him thinking he wasn't paying attention by being on his phone.

At some part, they had left the dull thumping of music behind them and were fairly alone. They seemed to be in a residential area; everyone was probably fast asleep. It was a Wednesday night, after all.

"I really don't know how to explain this to you," Elliot finally spoke up.

They had arrived at a town square Tyrell didn't recognize. Okay, he probably shouldn't have trusted Elliot's sense of direction. Against his better judgment, Tyrell let it go. Elliot wanted to talk; he should let him chose where that would take place.

"You don't have to explain anything to me that you don't want to, Elliot," Tyrell answered softly.

Elliot walked them to a big fountain with a few sculptures around it, sat down on a stone in front of it. He lit up another cigarette, even though he had barely thrown away the previous one.

"I really don't want to. But I have to, if we're doing... this." He made a gesture between the two of them. 

Tyrell sat down on another stone facing Elliot's. It wasn't close enough so that he could take his hands in his, but Elliot probably didn't want them to hold hands now, anyway.

"It's just... in the club. That wasn't me," Elliot admitted, eyes closed in embarrassment. "I don't remember it. I remember that we entered, had shots and started dancing. The next thing I noticed was that someone else, who clearly wasn't you, had his hands around my waist. Everything in-between is gone. Because I'm not okay. I'm… sometimes I lose time because Mr. Robot is taking over. He's... sort of... my alter-ego, I guess? But he's also kind of my dad, at least he looks like him. Hell, I don't fucking know. I've never had to explain this to someone else. Shit, you're probably freaking out now. I'm a psycho, I know that."

Elliot started pacing around and it made Tyrell even more nervous, but he didn't mention it. 

"Are you telling me you've got multiple personalities?" Tyrell asked, trying to make sense of this.

"Yeah, that's probably what this is. Krista called it dissociative identity disorder, I think. It's... I can't control it. Well, maybe I could, but I haven't been on the meds she gave me for a long time because... it's fine, really. We get along. He's actually... well, he's standing next to you right now, glaring at me."

Out of instinct, Tyrell looked to his side, but of course, he couldn't see this... _Mr. Robot_ that Elliot was talking about. Because he didn't exist. Well, not for him, anyway. Tyrell was sure that he was very real to Elliot.

Shit. He wasn't kidding, was he? When Elliot had told him that he wasn't alright, that he had a "fuckton of mental issues", Tyrell had thought he had 'merely' been talking about his depression and anxiety. Not that those were little problems, not at all. But... they were kind of in a different league than having multiple personalities. 

"Why are you off the meds?" Tyrell asked. He wanted to ask a million more questions, like, for example, 'how the fuck does this work?' and 'why didn't you tell me?', but Elliot was still pacing.

"Because I hate them. I hate how they make me feel. And I... I don't know. But I can handle him," Elliot explained. Or didn't explain, because there was still a lot of confusion in Tyrell right now.

"So... how do I know -"

"If I'm me or if he has taken over?" Elliot finished the sentence for him. He had probably heard that question a few times now, hadn't he? Who else knew? Darlene, probably. What about his best friend Angela?

"Yes," Tyrell answered his question.

Elliot walked back to him, a grim smile on his face.

"You know I'd never tell you that I want to... you know. That thing he said to you in the club. No, I don't remember it, but he just told me what he did. That's... that's so wildly inappropriate, I can't even... God, it's so embarrassing. And you thought it was me."

Tyrell laughed breathlessly while he remembered Elliot whispering into his ear that he wanted to fuck him. "I thought it was hot, actually," Tyrell gave back, attempted a smirk.

"You pervert," Elliot shot back, but there was the hint of a grin on his lips as well.

"Well, maybe I am. Or maybe I just really want you to fuck me. There, I said it," Tyrell gave back. He was attempting to get a full grin out of his boyfriend, managed for about two seconds before Elliot resumed to being serious again.

"Remember our first kiss, in my apartment? That was his doing, too, not mine."

Tyrell raised an eyebrow. Should he be offended now?

"But he is you. So technically, it was you. You just needed a little push, it seems," Tyrell mused.

"Hell if I know. But it got us this far, didn't it? Well, at least, until now. Now that you know, I can understand if you... you know. Want to go back to your wife and your child. Really, I'd understand. I'm a psycho, really, you don't have to -"

Tyrell finally stood up and went over to him, took his head in his hands and kissed him fiercely.

"I'm not going anywhere, Elliot," he mumbled in-between kisses. "I love you. And if it's not only you that I have to deal with, but some Mr. Robot, too, then so be it. The more the merrier, right?"

"You did fine until that last sentence," Elliot answered a tad annoyed, but he was biting his bottom lip again and Tyrell knew exactly what this meant.

"Yeah, that one was a bit too much," Tyrell admitted and laughed softly.

"A bit inappropriate, yeah," Elliot agreed. "It's not like I like having him around. He's... currently whistling at us. He thinks you're hot," Elliot joked.

"What, and you don't agree?" Tyrell answered indignantly.

"I'm not sure yet."

"Tell that to your dick. He seems pretty interested in me right now," Tyrell gave back, pressing his knee between Elliot's legs and rubbing it against the bulge in his jeans.

"Okay, okay, you're right," Elliot agreed, "but as much as I want this, I don't want it with him watching. Which he is, right now."

Tyrell reluctantly let go of him when Elliot took a step backward, out of his embrace.

"Can I ask you more about him or do you want to talk about something else?" Tyrell asked. Elliot shrugged, started walking away from him.

"If you have to. But it'd be easier if I'd be as drunk as before," he answered.

"That can be arranged," Tyrell smirked. Praise Berlin for their _Spätis_.

  


**|~|**

  


About... an hour later, probably - Tyrell had finally lost all track of time now - they were spread out on the couch of their hotel room, a bottle of Vodka and a bag of chips lying between them. Elliot had his legs up on the couch table, so Tyrell had done the same. If he had dared to do that at home, Joanna had always cursed him out. Well, Elliot was way easier to deal with than her, in many ways. In most ways, actually.

He hadn't mentioned Mr. Robot again, had bitten his tongue because he knew Elliot was still somewhat... well, not embarrassed maybe, but irritated by the situation. Tyrell didn't want to make it worse by asking him questions that made him uncomfortable. If he wanted to share things, he would.

Elliot's head came to rest on his shoulder, so Tyrell slid down a little bit to make it more comfortable for him.

"We can go to bed if you're tired. It's been a long night," Tyrell proposed.

"Yeah, but let's just... stay here for a bit," Elliot gave back. His voice was already thick with sleep and he probably had his eyes closed. Tyrell didn't check, didn't want to disturb him by changing the position.

"As long as you want."

So they stayed on the couch. At some point, Elliot let his hand rest on Tyrell's thigh, but without the intention of turning it into something sexual. Maybe he was in the mood to cuddle. He was drunk, after all. The kind of tired-drunk that would cause him to fall asleep right here if they didn't move soon.

Tyrell placed his hand next to Elliot's before he intertwined them. Elliot allowed it.

He smiled, knowing Elliot wouldn't see it. He'd probably think that Tyrell would be acting ridiculous just because he was happy about such a trivial thing. But casually touching each other nonstop? That meant something. That meant... progress, but Tyrell didn't want to think like that. There was no goal to be achieved here. Aside from the fact that he wanted to keep Elliot by his side forever.

"I've always wanted a way out of loneliness," Elliot suddenly spoke up. "Maybe that's why I stopped taking the meds. Sure, they make you feel dull and somewhat grey, but it's not the same. And Mr. Robot... he was just there. He's always there. Even if it's still not the same. But I -" Elliot stopped as if he couldn't get the next words over his lips. Tyrell turned his head to the side, pressed a firm kiss on Elliot's temple, stayed like this for a while.

"With you, I don't feel lonely," Elliot whispered. "That's a first."

"I'm -"

"I'm not finished," Elliot interrupted him softly. "I meant to add that it scares me. Like, a really fucking lot. And I don't know how to deal with this."

"I... I'm afraid I can't take away that fear," Tyrell admitted, "but I can tell you that I will try to make you feel as protected as I possibly can. I can promise you that I'm going to stay by your side, no matter what. I don't ever want you to doubt us."

Elliot lifted his head up, turned around to him. Tyrell caught the hint of a smile on his face before Elliot brought their lips together. Not exactly the answer Tyrell had hoped for, but it gave him a clear message anyway. He managed to rescue the Vodka and the chips to the couch table, but then Elliot already pushed him deeper into the cushions and got on top of him.

Tyrell was still too turned on by everything that had happened between them on the dance floor that his lust flared up faster than he would care for now. He loved this position; their very first time had been like this, all those months ago in Tyrell's office. 

"Let's take this to the bed," Elliot mumbled, a small smile on his face. 

"What's wrong with the couch?" Tyrell gave back. 

"Reminds me of your office," Elliot answered, causing Tyrell to chuckle. 

"Do you mean to tell me now that you don't like to fuck on my office couch?"

Elliot laughed. "No, I like it. I just don't want to feel like that right now. Also… I've been thinking about something."

"Aha? Which is what?"

"You told me you wanted to… to switch positions?" Elliot could barely press those words out of him, so uncomfortable he seemed to be to talk about sex so openly. 

"Yes. I still want that, if you meant to ask that."

"Good," Elliot answered softly, "then let's take this to our Kingsize bed and find out exactly how much you want that."

" _Jävla,_ Elliot," Tyrell moaned. Elliot grinned at him, his eyes half-closed right now as their lips met again in a sloppy kiss. Tyrell took ahold of him and stood up, carrying Elliot with him. His boyfriend let out a surprised huff before he slung his legs around his waist to hold on… and to press their hips against each other, rubbing them together. 

Tyrell lowered him down on the bed, watched him start to take off his clothes while he did the same. Afterward, he followed him into the bed, slipped under the sheets Elliot held up for him. They kissed again, but Elliot's movements were slower now. 

And again, Tyrell was taken back to their first time in Berlin, when they had landed in his hotel room and Elliot had been drunken and needy. He had also fallen asleep after a few minutes in the bed. Why should tonight be any different from that? 

"Why did you stop kissing me?" Elliot mumbled, eyes closed and his voice heavy with sleep. 

"Because you need to sleep. We'll do this tomorrow, I promise. When we're both sober," Tyrell gave back. 

"Mhm, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm awake," Elliot gave back. 

"No, you're not. Goodnight, Elliot," Tyrell whispered. He pulled the blanket up a little higher, then pressed a kiss on his forehead. 

As soon as he turned the lights off, Elliot had fallen asleep. 

  


**|~|**

  


Tyrell bolted upright. It was dark around them, but an unfamiliar ringtone was blaring through their hotel room. 

"What the fuck," Elliot groaned. It was probably the middle of the night. 

"That yours?" Tyrell asked. Elliot nodded.

"I should get this," he murmured, already turning around slightly and fumbling for his phone that was lying on his nightstand. 

"Yes?" he asked when he picked up his phone. He rolled back to Tyrell, set the call to loudspeakers, then placed his phone on his chest. 

"My lovely brother!" a girl exclaimed. 

"Darlene, what's up? It's the middle of the night here," he asked, annoyance clear in his voice now. 

"Are you alone or is Tyrelliii with you right now?" she asked, dragging the name out in a matter of making fun of him. 

"Of course he is. We were sleeping until you called. Are you high or something?" Elliot gave back irritated. 

"Nopedinope, you know I don't do drugs," she answered ironically. 

"Darlene -"

She seemed to interrupt him, but Tyrell couldn't hear her anymore. Elliot had taken the phone and set it back to silent. Then he got up and walked out to the balcony, out of reach for Tyrell.

"Yes, I've heard of it. We need to talk about it when I'm back," Tyrell heard him answer faintly after a few seconds. "No, it's not okay. No, I'm not gonna go into details right now, you're high and he's still there with me. We'll discuss it with the others… Yes, we will. Yes."

The others? Who were the others?

"I told Tyrell to book a flight for the two of us on Friday. So we'll be home in a few days."

_What?_

Tyrell couldn't believe what he was hearing. Elliot hadn't told him anything. But apparently he didn't need to explain anymore.

He didn't listen to the rest of the conversation anymore, just stared at Elliot and waited.

"Did you mean that?" Tyrell asked as soon as Elliot had hung up on his sister and climbed back into their bed. 

"Yeah. Guess we don't need to go to Hamburg, after all."

"So does that mean what I think it means? Are you really sure?" Tyrell probed, slowly starting to realize this wasn't a joke. This was real. The corner of his lips pulled up into a grin and he laughed breathlessly.

"Yes, I'm sure. Still scared shitless, but sure I wanna do this. _Us_ ," Elliot answered and smiled back at him. Shy, as if he wasn't so sure of what he was saying. Tyrell didn't mind; quite the contrary. Elliot wanted to be in a relationship with him. Elliot wanted him. Him. For fuck's sake, _him_.

Suddenly there were tears in his eyes, but Tyrell didn't try to fight them down.

"I love you," Tyrell laughed breathlessly and flung his arms around him.

"I love you, too," Elliot whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's about it for the Berlin trip! They'll travel back to New York in the next one and there'll be a lot of angst, as usual. 
> 
> Kudos/Comments appreciated as always! :)
> 
> ///
> 
> For those of you who don't know what a _Späti_ is, there you go:
> 
> _Spätis, which translates to ‘late,’ are corner stores that are ubiquitous around the city. Spätis, which are open 24/7 (also on Sundays), are the perfect pit stop to grab a ‘wegbier’, or a beer to go, which is a classic in Berlin._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might wanna read "Call Out My Name" beforehand. This chapter is heavily based on the events of that OneShot.

Elliot woke up with a real bitch of a headache. Other than the last couple of mornings, he was prepared to see Tyrell by his side. So when he turned around to his boyfriend and caught him already looking at him, Elliot smiled.

"Good morning, _älskling_ ," Tyrell murmured. He shuffled closer to him, leaning in to kiss him softly. 

"I could get used to this," Tyrell whispered after they parted. 

Elliot remembered him saying that to him when they had woken up next to each other last winter. He had answered that Tyrell couldn't, back then. 

This time, Elliot said, "me, too."

Because everything was different now, right? Last night, he had overcome the last doubts he had had about their relationship and jumped headfirst into the scary, unknown future. A future of the both of them together as a real couple.

Knowing that felt… terrifying, but in a good way. A part of him still believed they would fuck it up sooner or later, but for now, he was sure about Tyrell and certain in his decision to do… _this_. 

"Do you remember what happened last night?" Tyrell asked.

Elliot stretched himself out before he turned around so Tyrell could hug him from behind. His boyfriend had grown quite fond of it this week and if Elliot was being honest, he liked it, too. Despite the being-touched-everywhere-thing. Guess that meant he trusted Tyrell, right? 

Smiling, he took ahold of Tyrell's arm, pulled it closer to his chest so he could intertwine their hand together. He would have closed his eyes, but all of a sudden, Mr. Robot stood in front of their bed. Just casually leaning against the wall behind him and grinning sheepishly, as if this was completely normal. 

_Fuck off_ , Elliot thought, but Mr. Robot merely sniggered.

"Yes, I remember last night," Elliot gave back, a little late and a little overconfident. Last night was still a bit of a foggy memory when he tried to remember it. 

The last thing he had done was to confess to Darlene that they would be coming back soon… without consulting Tyrell first. They would probably talk about that in a bit. But… oh, fuck, _Darlene_ ; she had rambled about the latest FSociety video. A video he hadn't known existed until then. He would have to ask her about it when they were back. It couldn't be so bad, right? She had been holding the reigns of their group for the last couple of months now, had rarely consulted him about projects anymore. 

Once he was back, he should tell her about the fact that he was quitting FSociety for good. It couldn't be much of a surprise to her, could it? Considering that Darlene had it all figured out without him these days? Surely she would understand that he had no choice - or well, he had had one, but he chose Tyrell. He surely wasn't going to risk this relationship because of a foolish revolution Mr. Robot had come up for him a year ago. He was in charge of his life now and he intended to keep it that way.

"Oh, are you now, yeah? Are you sure that's what you really want?" Mr. Robot snarled. Of course, he would be listening to his thoughts. 

"Not now," Elliot gave back at Mr. Robot, not realizing he was talking out loud.

"Not now... what?" Tyrell asked. He pressed a firm kiss on the back of Elliot's neck, causing goosebumps to form there.

"Nevermind. It's nothing," Elliot replied and closed his eyes, hoping Mr. Robot would just disappear that way. 

"He's here, isn't he?" Tyrell probed. Elliot sighed, then nodded. _No lies anymore_ , he reminded himself. _You don't want to mess it up again._

"Remember that he wanted me to fuck him last night?" Mr. Robot asked nonchalantly. Elliot stilled as more memories slipped through the haze, worsening his headache.

Mr. Robot was right - they had drunk too much and ended up in a club, where Mr. Robot had chosen to take over. And used this to tell Tyrell that he -

"That I wanted to fuck him until he screamed my name, yes. Those were my words. Such a pity you had to interrupt us," Mr. Robot finished the thought for him.

It had been a fun night until then. Well, he hadn't been amused that Tyrell had called Jensen to discuss work before that, but... _wait_. There was a work emergency _and_ a new FSociety video he knew nothing about? Tyrell had looked worried when he had approached him last night. Really worried, if his memory was correct. _Shit_. He needed to ask him about it, better sooner than later.

Tyrell started to trail kisses on his shoulders and his neck, pulling him even closer. Suddenly Elliot felt Tyrell's erection press against his ass and he... he really should ask Tyrell about last night.

But then Tyrell's hand wandered down to his boxershorts and he laughed softly when he noticed that Elliot was hard, too.

"You made me a promise last night," Tyrell mumbled into his right ear.

"Oh, this is getting good," Mr. Robot commented.

Elliot groaned, took ahold of Tyrell's hand and pulled it back up. "Maybe, but I also told you I'm not... you know. Not when he's around."

"Can't you just... I don't know, shut him out? Stop thinking about him or something like that?"

"If it was that easy, I wouldn't be mentally ill, Tyrell. No, that's not possible."

Elliot pulled away and got up. He slipped in jeans and a sweater that was lying on the floor, then grabbed his pack of cigarettes and went out through the balcony door. Mr. Robot followed him, so Elliot shut the door behind them.

"You're really going back to New York with him. Back to Evil Corp. What happened to that fresh new beginning you wanted?" Mr. Robot asked while Elliot lit up a cigarette. He had to roll up his sleeves so they didn't get burned from the fire, only then noticed that he was wearing a sweater that belonged to Tyrell. Made sense, since he barely owned two sweaters and hadn't packed either of them.

"I don't need to start over somewhere else if I have everything I want back home."

"Aaaw, ain't that cute? Young love and all that?" Mr. Robot teased.

"What's your deal?" Elliot snapped back at him. He was happy, for the first time in a fucking eternity. He wasn't going to let that be destroyed just because Mr. Robot wanted to be mean to him.

"I'm not trying to be mean to you, I'm just trying to make sense of our situation."

"It's not our situation. This is _my_ life, man. You're not going to ruin this."

"Alright, alright, understood. But you really should call Darlene back. Or watch our newest FSociety video, released about 24 hours ago now. You're playing the main role."

"What do you -" Elliot started, frowning, but stopped himself when Tyrell opened the balcony door.

"Hey, do you want coffee?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'll be right there," Elliot gave back. He expected him to close the door again, but instead, Tyrell stepped out, simply wearing boxershorts.

"It's freezing," Elliot remarked, but Tyrell shrugged it off.

"I'm just coming to get you," he said. He took the almost finished cigarette from Elliot's hand and flicked it over the balcony. Elliot wanted to protest, but by then Tyrell's lips were already on his again.

  


**|~|**

  


There was a knock on the door when they got back inside again.

"I ordered room service," Tyrell explained and went to open the door, still half-naked. Elliot wanted to tell him to get dressed beforehand because he didn't want to have a similar situation as the first time time they had been staying at the Sheraton.

_There is no Martin here. You don't have to worry about getting caught anymore. From now on, you're official._

He kept his mouth shut.

"Good morning," Elliot heard him say, followed by a "thank you".

Well, were they official? Would they... oh god, would they have to out themselves as a couple now? Like, in front of their colleagues?

The thought alone almost caused him to be sick from nerves. Or from the hangover. _Whatever_. He should have thought this through beforehand, shouldn't he?

"What's up?" Tyrell tore him out of his thoughts, suddenly in front of him again with a silver tray in his hands.

"It's... it's nothing. I'm just not hungry," Elliot dodged the question.

"We'll see about that," Tyrell answered. He pressed a short kiss on his lips before he passed him, then set the tray down on the bed and snuggled back under the blanket.

Elliot joined him, but his stomach revolted at the sight of scrambled eggs and bacon. Not exactly the best hangover breakfast.

"So..." Tyrell started and took a bite of a croissant.

"So?" Elliot probed. Was that just him or did Tyrell sound nervous?

"We need to talk about something," Tyrell spoke up and Elliot's heart sunk. "No, don't panic," Tyrell added hastily, "it's just work stuff."

"Okay?" Elliot asked, but Tyrell took another bite first, needed a long time to chew. As if he didn't want to talk about it. 

"When I was on the phone with Jensen last night, he told me that FSociety hacked the E Messenger service. They managed to extract thousands of contact information as well as chat back-ups."

Tyrell paused to take in his reaction. Elliot frowned.

"But what about our security program? Scott told us they were already running it since November."

"That's what we need to talk about. It didn't work. They found a loophole. And... there's more."

"There's another video, right?" Elliot asked, pretending to guess instead of admitting that he already knew. Tyrell wasn't looking at him like he normally did when there was something wrong at work. He didn't seem annoyed, but instead... anxious. Why would he be afraid of telling him about a hack? There had been countless hacks that they had fixed in the last months.

_You're playing the main role_ , Mr. Robot's voice echoed through his mind. 

"Yes. I haven't seen it yet, but Jensen forwarded it to me. I wanted to wait for you so we can watch it together." 

"Okay. I'm ready," Elliot gave back, ignoring the voice that told him they shouldn't do that.

So Tyrell shuffled closer to him and unlocked his phone. The video was already open, ready for them.

Tyrell pressed play and Darlene appeared, wearing her FSociety mask, the usual smoking and a hat. No one else would be able to recognize her but him, that he was certain of.

"Good evening, fellow colleagues at Evil Corp. Wasn't that fun to read about all those filthy secrets we exposed an hour ago? To hear that even in your precious company there are colleagues having affairs with each other and people who gang up against the weakest member of the department. Your company is flawed just like any other company is. You're not special... at least not to the world. But to us, you are very special. You are even so special that we infiltrated your company. Yes, you heard that right. We are FSociety and we have a man on the inside of Evil Corp. Be warned. The fun has only just begun."

The screen faded to static before it went black. 

_What. The. Fuck._

  


**|~|**

  


_Holy fucking shit, Darlene exposed me._

_But why? Why would she put me at risk?_

"That's… not good," Elliot choked out. Despite the terror inside of him, he knew he had to act calm in front of Tyrell. He tried to swallow his panic, hid his shaking hands under the sheets. 

"Which part exactly do you mean?" Tyrell chuckled weakly, "the fact that our security system failed or the fact that we've now got a big fucking target on our backs because of it?"

"… both, I guess?" Elliot answered timidly. "Did Jensen tell you more about this? How did PR react? Have the others looked into the data, are they analyzing it?" he added, trying to distract, trying to… trying to avoid the elephant in the room. 

"PR has done the usual damage control and yes, they're looking through it. Same as the press and the internet. Apparently, FSociety released a blog with all the data where you can just search for your name and view… everything. All the personal data Evil Corp saved of them as well as chat backups. More secrets get public every minute and there's nothing we can do about it."

"Fuck," Elliot murmured. Not for the first time, he was glad that he still didn't have any digital contact with the others from FSociety. There were a few texts he had exchanged with Darlene, particularly after his new security system had gone online because he knew, he had been so fucking sure that it was secure… he hadn't made a mistake. He hadn't programmed a loophole into it.

_"But I did."_

Elliot glanced at Mr. Robot, inhaled sharply. And Mr. Robot just shrugged, chuckling. "Whoops. Sorry not sorry."

"Did you check out the website?" Elliot pressed out. More distraction. 

"No, because it's not relevant to me right now. Elliot, I need you to be honest…" Tyrell stopped, taking a deep breath and exhaling it as a shaky laugh. "I know it's ridiculous, but I need to know if you made a mistake that night. When you finished the system."

"I don't make mistakes," Elliot answered, too fast to realize how stupid that sentence was. 

"So if it wasn't a mistake -"

"I was on drugs," Elliot interrupted him hastily. "I took morphine because it… because it helps me focus and later re-upped on weed. I thought I had it all under control, but maybe I overlooked something. I didn't have enough time to check it one more time before I handed it over to you, I was too sleep-deprived."

Tyrell stared at him, face blank. _Does he believe me? Does he know I lied him straight to his face? He should know better than to believe I would've taken drugs before working on something so important._

"I need you to believe me that they're wrong. I'm not a spy for FSociety," Elliot added after the silence became unbearable for him.

"I never said that I believe that," Tyrell argued, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

_Right. Shit._

"You implied it, though," Elliot tried to save it. "If you… I don't know, if you have to fire me because of that, I -"

"No. I'm not going to fire you. Neither is Scott. I've got your back, trust me."

Elliot exhaled relieved and so did Tyrell. He attempted a smile, which Elliot forced himself to give back. 

"And I believe you. But we can't possibly tell Scott about this. We both signed a bunch of data protection declarations, remember? We're forbidden to copy anything for private use, aren't allowed to work on private hardware… you know the drill. I don't have to remind you that the external server we use is strictly forbidden. He can't possibly find out about that or else he's going to fire both of us."

"Might be a bit too late to save our asses if he's already checking our computers," Elliot remarked. 

"I don't think he's doing that… yet. He has too much other stuff to handle at the moment. He merely wrote me an email on the subject to inform me that we have been removed from the program and that we need to come back. I'll ask Jensen about it, though."

"Good, then do that. I'm going for a smoke, if that's okay?" Elliot glanced at Mr. Robot, who was standing by the door and patiently waiting for him. 

"Yes, I…" Tyrell started. When he didn't continue, Elliot pushed himself up from the bed. 

"Hey, wait," he added eventually when Elliot had already put on shoes and a jacket. He turned, the doorknob still in his hand. Tyrell hurried after him, then took ahold of his face and pressed their lips together. 

"I'm glad you're not a part of FSociety," Tyrell mumbled, a crooked grin on his face all of a sudden. 

"Yeah, me too," Elliot answered, kissed him again, just so Tyrell would have a reason to stop looking at him.

"Urgh, that's so gross, can we go now?" Mr. Robot chimed in. 

Elliot parted from his boyfriend, smiled at him one last time, then opened the front door and got out. 

"You should've become an actor, that was a really stunning performance just now," Mr. Robot laughed, cuffed him in his side when he didn't laugh along. 

"You fucking _asshole_ ," Elliot snapped. And then he hauled his fist and smashed it into Mr. Robot's face. 

  


**|~|**

  


Elliot was running from Mr. Robot. As if he could. As if that had ever worked. 

Only when he had left the Sheraton Hotel far behind him did he slow down, just enough so he could comfortably light a cigarette and Mr. Robot was able to catch up to him. He didn't know where he was going, but he didn't care. 

"Why would you do this? Tell me how this makes any sense. Tell me how this isn't just ruining everything I've worked so hard for the past months?" Elliot asked him, trying to control his tone. He wanted to scream at him, wanted to hammer his fists into him and throw him in front of a cab. 

"It was your idea in the first place, kiddo. Don't you remember?"

"Obviously I don't fucking remember, _kiddo_ ," Elliot snarled at him. 

"Elliot, believe me when I tell you that you're going to be just fine. You've just done a great job in convincing Tyrell that you're not a part of FSociety and he actually believed you. Because he's so madly in love with you that he really is that much of a blind idiot. That's the reason we did this. You _knew_ he would have your back. And after this, he won't ever doubt you again," Mr. Robot explained. 

Elliot needed a few drags of his cigarette to process this, forced himself to calm down and get a clean head. 

"You can't know that," he argued. 

"Well, I didn't, but you did. And you might not trust me, but you should trust yourself," Mr. Robot gave back, shrugging again as if this didn't matter at all to him. As if Elliot's relationship and his job, hell, his whole future didn't depend on this lie to work out. 

Maybe that's why he was so calm. Maybe he was secretly hoping for Elliot to fail and to lose it all. Because then he'd be miserable again and Mr. Robot only ever was there then, wasn't he? He thrived off of it. 

"Nah, come on, don't be so hard on me now. How many times do I have to tell you that I want you to be happy before you finally believe me?" Mr. Robot commented. 

"How the fuck could I be happy knowing I went behind his back like this?"

"Excuse you? Do you even hear the bullshit you're saying?" Mr. Robot scoffed, frowning at him at first, but then starting to laugh bitterly. "You've been lying to him ever since the day you fucking met him, Elliot."

"I -" Elliot stammered, but Mr. Robot stepped in front of him, stopping him abruptly. 

"Your entire relationship is built on a lie, but only now you're starting to feel bad for it? Well, bit too late for that, isn't it?"

"Stop," Elliot mumbled. He took a few steps backward, couldn't stand to see that mixture of pity and disapproval in Mr. Robot's eyes anymore. 

"You don't really believe that he could love you if he knew you've been using him this whole time?" Mr. Robot added. 

"Fuck you," he gave back. With that, he started to walk away, but of course, Mr. Robot wasn't done with him yet. 

"You have no other choice, Elliot!" he yelled after him. "You're going to keep lying to him, that's the only way he'll keep you!"

  


**|~|**

  


It had been an hour now that Elliot was out and Tyrell had already called him three times. He hadn't answered, as usual. 

But an hour wasn't long enough to come up with words to describe what he had done. He couldn't possibly just roll with the truth. What would that even sound like? 

_Hey Tyrell, I know you love me and all that, but I gotta tell you something: I founded FSociety and I got close to you because we needed intel on Evil Corp, 'cause we're going to take them down and delete all money and debt. You know, it's a long story. But basically, I used your attraction to me to get close to you, but then I made the mistake of falling for you. Those feelings weren't enough to stop me from following my mission, though. Yes, I programmed a loophole into the messenger's security system. I could blame Mr. Robot, but it was me. I betrayed your trust, over and over again. So yes, I'm the spy that video was talking about. Doesn't help me if I say that I regret it, right?_

Well… Tyrell was going to break up with him, regardless how brutal or how nice he put his betrayal. And then all this bullshit they had put each other through would have been for nothing. Elliot would lose his boyfriend and be fired from Evil Corp, probably go to prison, depending on how mad Tyrell would be about it. Okay, yes, he would definitely press charges against him. He'd tear him to pieces. Tyrell wasn't the type to deal with his anger in a reasonable way. 

So if he talked, he would lose everything. 

But if he didn't, he would have to keep lying straight to Tyrell's face. He would have to give his best impression of feeling absolutely heartsick about the fact that he had made a mistake with the security system. Which would force Tyrell to lie along with him to their bosses. He would do that in a heartbeat, though. Because he loved him. 

Mr. Robot's words echoed through his mind. _"You knew he would have your back. And after this, he won't ever doubt you again."_

It all came down to this - Mr. Robot was right. But could he really live with himself like that? 

When Elliot knocked on the door of their hotel room, he knew what he had to do. 

He forced himself to smile when Tyrell opened the door. 

"Sorry it's been so long, I kinda got lost," Elliot said before Tyrell could complain about it. 

"That's okay," Tyrell answered and stepped to the side to let him in. Elliot came towards him, felt his smile wavering. _Should I really do this?_

Tyrell took ahold of his face and kissed him. 

"God, you're cold as ice," Tyrell mumbled. Elliot let his hands wander around Tyrell's sweater and laughed at the grimace his boyfriend made. 

Regardless of his cold body, Tyrell leaned his forehead against Elliot's and sighed, "I've missed you."

"Yeah? It's only been an hour."

"Only?" Tyrell scoffed. 

A grin flashed over his face, but it faded as soon as he remembered why he was here. He took a deep breath and his stomach dropped. _Tell him. Now._

But Tyrell was faster than him.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier," he spoke up. "I shouldn't have doubted you. It's just… Jensen really got me worried for a moment, but I now see how foolish that was. You've long proven your loyalty to me. I hope you forgive me for lashing out at you."

Tyrell attempted to smile at him.

"Yeah, about that…" Elliot started, "I… I'm sorry I didn't tell that I had been on drugs last year. I should've shown the code to you, so we could've tested it one last time and eliminate the last mistakes I did before we handed it in. I should've been honest to you, but I guess I was just… too confident about my abilities. I don't doubt myself when it comes to this stuff."

"You don't have to apologize for that. I'm your boss, it was my responsibility to make sure everything was perfect. And that's what I'm going to tell Scott and Jensen." 

_Oh god, how can he be this… stupid?_

Something in Elliot changed. The part of him that he didn't allow to exist surfaced again. This time, it was in form of… disgust. How could Tyrell be this blind? Mr. Robot had been right. He really was that stupid kind of in love that he really didn't want to see how blatant Elliot had just lied to him. 

_Stop,_ Elliot snapped at himself. Or Mr. Robot _._ Whoever was making it this hard for him. _Stop. I've made my choice._

_Maybe it was the wrong one?_ Mr. Robot nagged. 

Elliot pressed his lips on Tyrell's, pulled him as close as he could. 

_No. This isn't the wrong choice. Tyrell is my future._

"I'll take that as a thank you, then," Tyrell smirked. 

"Yeah," Elliot breathed out, "maybe I should tell you exactly how thankful I am that you're protecting me…"

"Oh? And how do you intend to do that?" Tyrell chuckled. 

Elliot pulled Tyrell's sweater over his head. 

"How about I show you instead?"

  


**|~|**

  


A few hours later they were sitting in the waiting lounge of the Tegel airport in Berlin. They had already handed in their bags and were due to board in about an hour or so. It had been a damn miracle that they had managed to get two seats on the next flight that was going to New York. Well, okay, maybe not a miracle - the only few seats that had been available were overpriced first class seats, which, of course, Tyrell had accepted without batting an eye. 

"Do you think they still have smoker's lounges around here?" Elliot mumbled.

Tyrell, who had been busy writing another email on his laptop, looked up to him with furrowed brows. 

"No, I don't think so. Guess you'll just have to endure it"

"Why? I'd be back in a few minutes," Elliot protested. 

"Yes, you might, but do you really want to have to go through check-in again? I saw you squirming when they patted you down earlier," Tyrell explained. Elliot couldn't disagree with that. It had indeed been disgusting and unnecessary. "Besides, we've only got a couple of hours left before we're back to pretending to be just colleagues again. I don't want to waste these without you."

"Maybe you should stop working, then," Elliot muttered annoyed, let his head drop onto Tyrell's shoulder. He skimmed over the text, but he was too tired to be bothered to comprehend it. Instead, he just stared at Tyrell's signature and the Evil Corp logo at the bottom. In his first months, it had made his skin crawl to see his own name written above that logo, but by now he didn't care much for it anymore. Yes, he was a part of Evil Corp. He had accepted it, stopped wanting to run away from it.

"You're right," Tyrell answered, much to his surprise. He hit _send_ and the email closed itself. There were 12 unread emails left, all from within the last twenty minutes or so, but the names of their senders blurred in front of his eyes. Until Tyrell closed his laptop, let it slide into its bag and then wrapped his arm around Elliot. Afterward, he pressed his lips to Elliot's hair, before he rested his head on his. 

"I thought we…" Elliot started, but his courage faded with every word. _I thought we had agreed to stop hiding. I thought we said we would be a real couple. I thought we were going to be quit hiding in New York._

"I know," Tyrell whispered, raising his head again now. In a second, he would probably ask Elliot to look at him.

"I just don't think that this is a good timing for coming out at work. We're already close to being fired, I wouldn't want to give them another reason to do so," Tyrell argued. 

Elliot scoffed. "There's never going to be a good timing to tell the others. You know that."

"Maybe," Tyrell whispered. His thumb landed on Elliot's chin, made him look up like Elliot had suspected.

Elliot turned away when Tyrell tried to kiss him, so his lips landed on his cheek instead. 

"Don't think I'm just going to accept being your assistant to everyone around us again. Not after all this shit we went through the last weeks," Elliot gave back. 

"I understand, and I can assure you that I have nothing like this planned. I'm looking forward to this way too much to cop out now," Tyrell answered with a warm smile. Elliot kissed him now, more desperate than he meant too, but Tyrell didn't mind. 

  


**|~|**

  


About eleven or twelve hours later, they arrived in New York. Elliot had slept most of the flight, awaken now and then to watch his boyfriend on the other side of the cabin sleep peacefully. He was glad to see that, unlike the other times, he didn't even look at his phone or his laptop once. 

Tyrell definitely needed the rest; Elliot was sure that once they would be back, Tyrell wouldn't leave his office for a long time. Finally back where he belonged - at work. Sure, Elliot had gotten to know a different side of him in the past week, but he knew Tyrell was most himself when he was working. He'd probably get offended if Elliot would say that, though, and would pretend that there was more to life for him than work. But who would he be kidding? 

"Are you okay?" Tyrell asked, tearing him back to reality. They were waiting in line to get out of their plane. Tyrell grabbed his hand as if it was the most mundane thing in the world. 

"Yeah," Elliot breathed out. "Just a bit tired."

"Really? I thought you slept on the flight," Tyrell answered. 

"On and off. I was scratching the itch to check out that website FSociety put online. You know, to look up what comes up when I type my name in," Elliot said. 

"So did you?"

"No. I was kinda scared to see how badly I fucked up," Elliot admitted. Partly true; he had also known it would drive him insane to know how much personal data had been put out there. He would be able to get rid of it soon enough, but he still had to wait to be alone with a computer to do that. 

"Don't beat yourself up about it. It's done. We can't undo it," Tyrell gave back. 

They walked down the passenger boarding bridge in silence after that. Elliot fought the itch to put his hood up and hide from the world. Thanks to his sleep-deprived brain, paranoia crept up to him. He felt as if all eyes were on them. He almost let go of Tyrell's hand, even. But his fear was probably unfounded, as most times. 

His phone started vibrating and beeping in the pocket of his jeans, obviously suddenly realizing he was back in America. Tyrell's did the same, but just as Elliot, he ignored it. Maybe they were both not ready to face reality. 

They arrived at the baggage claim in silence and Elliot let himself be lead to the right luggage belt. He also let himself be pulled into a hug, didn't question it but rather embraced it. He hugged his boyfriend as tight as he could, didn't know when he would be able to do that so freely for the next time. 

Airport arrivals were a weird universe - they had already reached their destination, but no one outside of their plane knew about it. So if no one knew, were they really there yet? Couldn't they still pretend that the outside world didn't exist? That there was only them and no one else? 

"I love you," Elliot whispered close to Tyrell's ear. His eyes were still squeezed shut, even when he noticed Tyrell moving away from him. _Not yet_.

"I love you, too, Elliot," his boyfriend answered, smiling when they parted at last. 

Until his look turned to ice and his body went rigid. 

"What?" Elliot asked, but Tyrell stared at something that was behind him. 

And when Elliot turned around to look at what made Tyrell freeze, he immediately wished they hadn't come back here.

  


**|~|**

  


There was a big tv screen with the current news which changed headlines every few seconds. At first, Elliot only caught a glimpse at the one that had irritated Tyrell - "Sex scandal at ECorp" 

Tyrell let go of him as if Elliot's touch burned him. And it wasn't really that hard to figure out why he couldn't bear to look at him anymore, why he brought a few meters of distance between them. 

Three other news articles later, the headline was repeated. 

**_#ECorpexposed: Sex scandal at ECorp_ **   
_After the recent hack of the acclaimed app "ECorp messaging" by the vigilante hacker group "FSociety", more and more secrets are revealed by the hour. The latest and possibly most lethal scandal stars the high-ranking Senior Vice President of Technology Tyrell Wellick, who has been exposed to be sleeping with his assistant, Elliot Alderson, despite being a married father to a newborn son. An anonymous tip has lead us to find out about this through the website[www.exposingecorp.com](http://www.exposingecorp.com) which "FSociety" published about 2 days ago. // Want to read more about this? Go to our website or follow us on Twitter. Live-tweets at #ECorpexposed. _

Laughter bubbled up in him. Elliot couldn't help himself, couldn't make himself shut up. 

_This isn't true. It can't be._

"Fuck my life," Elliot chuckled bitterly.

The headline changed and he tore his eyes away from the screen, expecting to see Tyrell still by his side. But his boyfriend had run off. Elliot saw him talking, no, arguing on his phone at the other end of the hall, probably trying to do some damage control. 

While he was looking over to Tyrell, he noticed that there were a couple of people looking at him instead. His paranoia had been right, for once. People were staring. People who recognized him. But how was that possible? There hadn't been a picture with the headline. Or… 

Elliot grabbed his phone from his pocket and, ignoring all the missed calls and texts, did a google search for the headline. And a fucking shit-ton of articles popped up. "Oh god, fuck my life," he murmured again.

He found the article belonging to the text on the screen, but that one seemed to be already outdated. The last one had been posted about an hour ago. Elliot merely skimmed over the text, which described who they were and why exactly the nature of their affair was so shocking, with Tyrell being married and straight and all that. If he wouldn't be chilled to his bones, he might have laughed about that one suspicion that he himself was trying to fuck his boss to get a better job. If anyone could be accused of that, it was Tyrell. 

_Okay. That's all just gossip. We can handle gossip. That's going to hurt, but we can -_

But then he saw the pictures. 

At first, he only saw screenshots of their conversations taken from the FSociety website. Well, _fuck._ There was no denying anything when he saw those. 

**03\. August 2015**

22:48, tyrell.wellick: I can't stop thinking about this morning…

22:48, tyrell.wellick: What are you doing right now? 

22:49, tyrell.wellick: I need to see you.

22:50, elliot.alderson: I don't think that's a good idea. 

22:50, tyrell.wellick: I don't care. 

22:51, elliot.alderson: You should. I'm not home, anyway. I can't meet up. 

22:51, tyrell.wellick: You sure about that? Maybe I should just tell you what you're missing. 

22:51, elliot.alderson: Don't.

22:52, tyrell.wellick: Attachment sent. 

22:53, tyrell.wellick: I can't forget the way you begged for it this morning. The way you moaned my name when I held you down and fucked you on my desk. 

22:53, elliot.alderson: Fuck off, I wasn't begging. 

22:54, tyrell.wellick: "Harder, come on, please, I can take it, please, Tyrell" is not your definition of begging? 

22:57, tyrell.wellick: I know you've read this. Answer me.

22:58, elliot.alderson: I'm at Angela's right now. I'm not engaging in this. 

23:00, tyrell.wellick: That's a pity. I would've loved to come over and fuck you… Unlike this morning, I'd take my time. I'd press you against a wall and kiss you until you're hard, without me touching you yet. I'd unbutton your jeans and drop to my knees. You'd be looking at me while I suck you off, so slow that you start to swear because you're getting so impatient. Not begging yet, though, so I know I'd have to do better. Right before you come, I'd pick you up and carry you over to your bed… 

23:00, tyrell.wellick: Shall I continue? 

23:01, elliot.alderson: ... I'll be home in twenty minutes. Don't be late. 

Elliot blushed as hard as he had the first time he had read all those messages. The image Tyrell had sent him then was displayed in the article, too. It was a selfie of Tyrell in dimmed light - it showed him smiling, shirtless and sweaty, merely wearing grey sweatpants and spotting a visible boner. Oh god, Elliot could feel his pants tighten at that sight. _What a gift to the world to have this photo released._

But how fucked up was it to actually screenshot this and copy-paste it into an article? Even though the source was some popular women's magazine, this was way out of line. Even if they wrote a warning for explicit content after the headline. 

He switched to a different article, wanted to know if there were others like that. The next one had uploaded that picture of their whole department in Berlin last year. This one had been semi-public beforehand, anyway. Not that big of a deal. 

The next one was, though. A most recent article, also by the same women's magazine, featured pictures of them at New Year's Eve. One of them showed them kissing at midnight - that was actually the cover picture. Who had taken those? He had never seen them before, hell, he hadn't even known that anyone took pictures that night. 

Had Tyrell known about this? Probably. Oh, this was just so fucking great. 

Another one - them laughing about something together. A third one - Tyrell with his arm slung around Elliot, grinning like a fool at the camera while Elliot was looking at him. He must've been really wasted if he hadn't noticed those pictures being taken. 

Fucking Angela. There was no one else who could be stupid enough to take such pics. At another time, in a different situation, he might have been able to appreciate them. But not now, not like this. 

It was one thing to be outed by gossip magazines. It was another to appear with your full name and pictures of yourself in practically every news outlet of America. 

He was no longer a ghost. 

  


**|~|**

  


At some point, Elliot managed to tear his eyes away from his phone. Tyrell was still talking on his, pacing up and down. Elliot tried to read his expression, but Tyrell seemed to be torn between anger and panic. He looked like a caged animal who just realized it was going to be slaughtered. 

Well. Elliot didn't really know what to do now. He didn't think Tyrell would want him to go after him; he would have his reasons for being so far away from him. Usually, he didn't mind Elliot there when he was on the phone. But this wasn't exactly their "usual" situation. Elliot's best guess was that Tyrell would try to downplay it all and if so, Elliot was sure he didn't want to be around to hear that. 

Maybe he should have trusted his instincts and checked out that website. Maybe he shouldn't have been so damn obsessed with his boyfriend and their new-found _love_. Maybe he could've saved them if he had reacted sooner. 

He could have called Darlene and talked it over. He could have wiped their data off the website. He could have… done so much more. 

He could have never coded the fucking loophole. He could have prevented all of this. 

Had he just destroyed Tyrell's life? All of the chaos, all of the consequences, it would all be his fault. 

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Mr. Robot commented, patting him on the back. 

"Right. It's your fault, technically," Elliot gave back, bitter sarcasm tainting his voice.

"Ain't it great that I am you and you are me? Makes this all so much simpler, kiddo."

"He's never going to forgive me that."

"Well, then it's a pretty great thing he doesn't know it's your fault."

"Are you insane? It's my fault that the hack happened and he knows that. Of course he's going to blame me," Elliot snapped at him, trying to keep his voice down. 

"Okay, maybe," Mr. Robot sniggered, "but you can always pinpoint the blame on someone else. Someone tipped you off, remember? Man, I bet it was that Jensen fucker who looked through your chats and handed it over to the press."

"Doesn't matter. It's done. We can't fix it."

Elliot went over to the luggage belt and grabbed their suitcases, looked over to Tyrell again. 

"Hey, while I might like that attitude, I'm not sure you should keep it around your loverboy. We didn't have shit to lose, but he had."

"I know," Elliot murmured. 

Tyrell finally came into his direction again. 

"You do realize that if you fuck it up now, he will be left with nothing?" Mr. Robot remarked. 

"Way to put the pressure on me, thanks," Elliot scoffed. 

"You're welcome," Mr. Robot laughed. 

"So that's how it's going to be? Thanks for nothing, Gary. Fuck you," Tyrell snapped into his phone. He hung up without bothering to wait for a response. 

"Who was that?" Elliot asked, just to say something. He distantly remembered that Gary was… one of Tyrell's closest friends? 

"My lawyer. Let's get out of here," Tyrell gave back. He stroked his hair back with a frantic motion, then took ahold of his suitcase. He stormed off, expecting Elliot to hurry after him.

"His lawyer? What's he gonna do, sue Evil Corp for letting the hack happen? He can't exactly sue himself," Mr. Robot commented. Elliot could barely stop himself from scoffing at that remark. 

"We're going straight to the office," Tyrell spoke up all of a sudden. They were almost at the exit by now. Tyrell was practically running.

"But -"

"No but, Elliot," Tyrell interrupted him. "We're probably going to get fired as it is, I don't intend to make it worse by waiting until the press has found out even more."

"There's not much else to find, they've already published everything," Elliot answered timidly while Tyrell hailed for a cab. 

"Oh, is that so? I've only seen our chats published. What else could there be?" Tyrell snapped at him. 

"A couple of pictures from New Year's Eve you had," Elliot said. 

Tyrell, who was just about to hand his suitcase to the cab driver, halted. "What?" he asked, unblinking. 

Elliot felt his stomach turn around. He unlocked his phone and, with the article still open, handed it over. While he read, Elliot loaded their suitcases into the trunk of their cab and told him to drive them to Evil Corp.

"Oh _helvete_ , this can't be happening," Tyrell whispered as he entered the cab. 

"They've searched through everything they could find from the website," Elliot remarked when he was sitting next to him. 

"We shouldn't have come back," Tyrell mumbled and gave the phone back. 

"Probably," Elliot agreed, "but we did. So what now?"

"We lie our fucking asses off, obviously."

  


**|~|**

  


The press was waiting for them outside of Evil Corp. 

As soon as they opened the door of their cab, flashlights were everywhere. Tyrell hadn't exactly told him how to react to that other than "keep your head down, don't answer anything," but this was worse than either of them had expected. 

Tyrell got out first but waited for him. He turned his back on the paparazzo, tried to shield Elliot from them as best as he could. If he wouldn't be so close to a panic attack, he might have smiled at that. 

"How does it feel to wreck a marriage, Mr. Alderson?" someone to his left shouted at him. 

"Fuck off," he snapped, Tyrell's order be damned. 

"What does your wife have to say about your affair, Mr. Wellick?" someone else asked. 

Tyrell placed his hand on Elliot's back and pushed him forward, still shielding him from the side so they couldn't get any closer. 

"Are you getting a divorce now, Mr. Wellick?"

_Just keep walking. Keep going forward._

"You've really fucked up your life for that guy? He's not even hot," another close to Tyrell's left snarled. 

Elliot felt Tyrell's hand tremble. They were almost at the entrance now. 

"Just couldn't keep it in your pants, could you?" 

Suddenly Tyrell's hand left his back. Tyrell was looking over at the guy now and his hands curled into fists. 

"Don't," Elliot mumbled to him and grabbed his hand to keep him by his side. Otherwise, he was sure Tyrell would've smashed his fist into that asshole's face. 

They finally pushed through the entrance and left the paparazzo outside. 

"It's okay, we're safe here," Elliot whispered to him. Tyrell's breath came out in pressed huffs while he straightened his suit coat with trembling hands. 

"I… I…" Tyrell stammered. Elliot had never seen him like this before - was he going to have a panic attack? Hell, what was happening? This wasn't right. Tyrell was the strong one of them. Tyrell never lost control. 

"It's fine. Just breathe," Elliot mumbled softly. 

For a moment, there was only the two of them. It vanished way before either of them was ready for it. 

Their fingers were still interlaced when Elliot noticed that a bunch of people were in the hall as well, gaping at them. 

"Come on," Elliot said and pulled him forward to the elevators.

"How are you so calm?" Tyrell asked with a husky voice. 

"I'm not. But you're with me. That's all that matters, right?" Elliot's reassuring smile came easily to his lips. 

"Right," Tyrell gave back, trying to copy his smile. 

"Aw, aren't you just the cutest?" 

_Oh, fuck off_ , Elliot wanted to snarl. Apparently, the elevator door had opened a few seconds ago. And who else but Jensen would be standing in front of them now, grinning like he was having the best day of his life?

"Everyone's waiting for you upstairs," he went on. And just like that, Elliot's anxiety spiraled again. _Fuck_.

"Then we shouldn't keep them waiting any longer, right?" Tyrell gave back, faking a perfectly unbothered voice. _Wow_. There was his work-Tyrell again, with his mask in place and all that fake shit. 

"Exactly," Jensen replied and made room for them to enter the elevator.

"So, did you two have a nice honeymoon?" he added as soon as the doors were closed. 

There was no denying that they had traveled together now, was it? Since they were both still carrying their suitcases and had arrived together?

But neither Tyrell nor Elliot answered Jensen. They just exchanged a quick look, which Jensen caught, unfortunately. 

"No need to be so shy now, we've all read your texts. You go real hard at each other, don't you? I surely am not going to sit on any surface of your office anymore."

"Jealous or something?" Tyrell snapped under his breath. 

Jensen laughed. "Of you? You're probably the most hated guy at this firm right now, so I think I'll pass."

"Then you might want to cut down on the remarks about our sex life. It's none of your business, frankly."

_Our_ sex life. Elliot almost choked. Hadn't he said he wanted to be quiet about that? 

"You always said that. But I'm sorry, seeing that you two have given Evil Corp the biggest scandal of the century, it now _is_ our business."

Elliot wanted to groan, roll his eyes, tell him that he was exaggerating - but Tyrell shot him a warning look, so he kept his mouth shut. 

The elevator doors opened. Tyrell bit his lip, looked almost as if he wanted to say something. But then he just grabbed the handle of his suitcase and stormed off, Elliot right next to him. 

"The lovebirds have arrived!" Jensen shouted behind them. The few people that were standing in the hallway suddenly shut up and turned around. Office doors that were normally closed were wide open when Elliot and Tyrell passed them. Everyone seemed to try to get a good look at them. The last time Elliot had seen them so interested in something was when… okay, no, he had never seen them like that before. 

Tyrell and he were like prey for the others. His skin crawled; part of him wished he was still holding Tyrell's hand. It would've calmed him a little. 

"You're busted!" someone shouted at them, followed by hollowing laughter. Tyrell gnashed his teeth together, trying hard to ignore them. 

The laughter and the whispers accompanied them all the way to Tyrell's office.

The walk from the cab to his office might have only taken five minutes or so, but it had been bad enough. His heart was pounding hard against his chest and his entire body was tingling. Not good. 

"Fucking hell," Tyrell exhaled as soon as he had shut the door behind them. 

"This is a nightmare," he added, placing his suitcase next to the door and striding over to his desk, powering up his computer. "Oh, look," he said, let out a bitter laugh and held up a tiny post-it. 

Elliot walked over to him. It read: "My office. Immediately. - Scott Knowles"

"Great," Elliot replied, "so what's our strategy?"

"I don't have one, other than improvising. But on the bright side, I don't think it really matters anymore that we fucked up the security system."

"That's reassuring," Elliot deadpanned. The corner of Tyrell's mouth twitched when he looked back at him. 

"We can say what we want, it won't matter. So let's just get this over with, shall we?"

"Okay," Elliot gave back, couldn't help his trembling voice. 

Tyrell grabbed a notebook and a pen from his desk before he walked over to him. He took ahold of Elliot's jaw and pressed a firm kiss on his lips. 

"It's gonna be okay," Elliot lied, forcing himself to smile.

"Sure," Tyrell lied right back. 

  


**|~|**

  


"Oh, so you finally made it?" Scott asked with a bright, fake smile when Tyrell and Elliot had entered his office. 

Out of the corner of his eyes, Elliot saw a few colleagues gather in front of the office. Stupid glass walls; everyone would watch them get humiliated by their boss. Scott didn't even bother to close the blinds. 

"We came as soon as we could," Tyrell gave back with a matching fake smile Elliot would've never been able to copy. 

"You are very aware of the fact that you were never allowed to leave in the first place, are you, Tyrell? You disappeared on us last week, claiming 'it was an emergency'. So, care to tell me what the emergency was?"

_What? I thought he had it handled. Why did he come if he wasn't allowed to? Oh god, it's all my fault. I shouldn't -_

_Focus, you idiot,_ Mr. Robot cut through his thoughts. _He came because he was worried about you. That's what people do when they love each other. So I've heard, at least._

"I'm afraid that's rather personal," Tyrell replied, shoving his hands into the pocket of his suit pants. 

"Personal?" Scott chuckled. "I've read your most recent text messages. And I think I'm right to assume that the 'emergency' Tyrell was talking about would be that he was supposed to come after you, Elliot? To Europe? Is that correct?"

"Yes," Tyrell and Elliot replied in unison. Elliot looked down at the ground, unable to stand that look Scott was regarding them with. So full of accusation and disgust. 

"So you've chosen to be together on a different continent over your responsibilities here?"

"Yes," they both replied again, quieter this time. 

"And now tell me, why did it have to be Europe? You couldn't have just stayed here? It's not like you had to go somewhere else to be together. Quite the contrary. So?"

"Scott, as I said, it was a personal matter. We had our reasons. And we booked a flight back as soon as Mr. Jensen told us about the hack," Tyrell dared to answer. 

"How admirable. Am I supposed to thank you for that, now?" 

Tyrell kept his mouth shut. 

"No, really, is that what you think?" Scott probed, still with that mad smile. God, why couldn't he just scream at them?

"No," Tyrell mumbled. 

"I didn't hear that."

"No, Sir," Tyrell repeated himself more clearly. 

"Okay. Now, talking about your reckless behavior. Explain to me how the FSociety hack was possible."

"We -"

"It was my fault," Elliot interrupted Tyrell before he could say something. Tyrell shot him a pleading look, but Elliot ignored it. "The night before the presentation, I stayed in late to finish the security program. I was sleep-deprived and overlooked a mistake. The morning after, Tyrell and I didn't test it for one last time, because I was confident I had done everything correctly. That was clearly a mistake."

"Clearly," Scott scoffed. "How noble of you to take the blame. Tyrell, do you have anything to add?"

"It was my responsibility to run another test before handing it over to you. I should've -" 

"Why weren't you working together on the program that night?" Scott interrupted him. "You've spent quite a few evenings here together. Why not that one?"

"Because I didn't tell Tyrell about it. I acted alone," Elliot gave back. 

"I see," Scott said. He turned away from them, walked over to his desk and got ahold of a remote control.

He turned on the big TV he had hanging over his couch. Elliot was sure that the screen was visible from outside the office. One of the news articles about them appeared on it. It was the same headline from the airport: **_#ECorpexposed: Sex scandal at ECorp_**

"Explain this to me," Scott demanded.

"I don't see how our personal relationship -"

"Oh, it's a relationship now? Did you two work things out while you were in Berlin?" Scott mocked them, interrupting Tyrell again. 

"Again, I'm not sure how our personal life's affect you, but yes, Elliot and I are a couple," Tyrell stated, putting a hand on Elliot's shoulder. His heart skipped a beat as Scott raised his eyebrows at them. _Bad choice_.

"My congratulations," Scott sneered, "you've caused this firm one of the most annoying scandals of the past year by not doing your work correct, leading to a hack that's costing us millions of dollars and a couple of lawsuits, but at least you've found _love_. How wonderful _._ "

"Scott, like I told you, our relationship had nothing to do with the hack. It never compromised our work here," Tyrell held against him, a more pleading tone now. 

"Oh, it didn't?" Scott gave back, "do you want me to show you all of the screenshots I made of your text messages where you indicated or stated rather clearly that you two had sex during work hours?"

"Those were private conversations," Tyrell held his ground like that would change anything. 

"Yes, well, they would've remained private if the both of you had done your job. You know, Tyrell, I thought better of you. Those rumors of you having an affair with Elliot had been traveling around for as long as he started to work for you. I didn't believe them. I thought better of you. I thought, no, Tyrell would not be so stupid to risk his position. But I see now, I overestimated you. I should have known better."

Scott shook his head, faking a sad face. Who was he trying to fool? Their other colleagues watching outside? Everyone in here knew that Scott had never liked Tyrell. He was probably thrilled about this whole thing. He finally had a decent reason to fire them both. 

"Please, If you let us we can make it right -" Tyrell pleaded. 

"I don't want to hear any of it. You're fired. Both of you."

Tyrell blinked. "No," he answered.

"No?" Scott laughed. 

"For years, I've given you everything I have!" Tyrell shouted, "I've been promoted faster than anyone else, I've killed myself for this company and this is how you're thanking me? By firing me for… for falling in love with my assistant?"

"Don't," Elliot muttered under his breath. He understood his rage, he really did, but lashing out on Scott wouldn't get them their jobs back.

"Tyrell, I meant to ask," Scott mused, "how does it feel to know that all of your work has been for nothing? To know that you're just another disappointment?"

Tyrell's rage disappeared in a heartbeat. Instead, now he looked completely empty, his face drained from every emotion, his hands no longer curled into fists. Elliot wasn't familiar with _this_ Tyrell. 

"Well," Tyrell answered and his voice cracked, "I'm not familiar with that feeling. Maybe you should ask your wife. And while you're at it, you might also want to ask her what happened that night you were crowned CTO."

"You dare -"

"Yes, I dare," Tyrell interrupted him. "I don't give a fuck about your opinion about me."

"Get out of my office. Now!" Scott roared. 

"Gladly."

Tyrell turned to Elliot with a thin smile, perfectly masking… everything. He got ahold of his hand and pulled him out of the room. Elliot slammed the door behind them, so hard that he heard the glass shake and rattle, but neither of them turned. 

"How did it go?"

Jensen came up to them, still smiling like this was the best day of his life. _Fucking idiot._

"Congratulations, you're finally getting my position," Tyrell answered him, even managing a cheery voice.

"Really? Did he say that?" Jensen asked eagerly. Elliot imagined him as a dog with a wagging tail. A really ugly dog, though. 

"No, you fucking moron. And now get out of my face."

Tyrell pulled Elliot forward, further away from their ex-colleague and their audience of about ten other guys from their ex-department. Oh, it felt good to think about everything related to Evil Corp as "ex". He was finally free from this hell. All of a sudden Elliot felt himself starting to grin. 

"Faggot," Jensen muttered under his breath. 

"Fuck him," Elliot whispered to Tyrell, hoping he would leave it. But of course, he wouldn't. 

Tyrell stopped walking and turned. 

"Oh, you really think you can use that insult now?" Tyrell shouted over to Jensen. "Well, guess what. You can't, because I'm not even gay. It's called being bisexual, you imbecile!"

And suddenly Tyrell took ahold of Elliot's face and kissed him in front of everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting very close to the end. Two more, then we should be done for good with this fic. 
> 
> Always appreciate Comments and Kudos! :)


	9. Chapter 9

"What an exit," Elliot laughed. "Jensen's face was priceless."  
  
"Right?" Tyrell agreed, "I'll drink to that."  
  
He raised his bottle of Vodka and saluted to Elliot.  
  
They were sitting on the beach of Coney Island. They hadn't known where else to go - the press had gathered at Elliot's flat as well as Tyrell's apartment. They didn't want to bother any of their friends. They were better off alone. Even though hanging out at a beach was a dumb thing to do in Mid-January. But this was the spot where they had kissed each other in public for the first time, back in August of last year. Elliot liked the nostalgic ring this had.  
  
"I hated that guy. Like, so much," Tyrell slurred.  
  
"Same, man," Elliot agreed, took the Vodka from Tyrell and took a large sip. It burned, but Elliot welcomed the warmth spreading through his stomach.  
  
"At least he's gonna get an assistant when he gets your position," Elliot remarked.  
  
"Oh, his everlasting wish, finally fulfilled, how wonderful!" Tyrell exclaimed, causing Elliot to snort.  
  
"100 bucks he's not gonna last six months without being busted for fucking her in his new office?" Elliot joked.  
  
"Six months? Make that three," Tyrell went along, until his expression changed. "Oh wait, is he going to get my office, too? That's… that's great. It's a great office," he added, all of a sudden with a raspy voice. As if he had a lump stuck in his throat. As if -  
  
Elliot looked over to him and saw tears glisten in Tyrell's eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry, don't mind me," he murmured, pressing his hands to his eyes. "I just have sand in my eyes, that's all."  
  
"You might have now," Elliot gave back with a soft chuckle. He set down the Vodka next to them and shuffled over to him, wrapping his arms around him.  
  
"It's just…" Tyrell mumbled, sniffling and trying to hold the tears back, but they were already rolling down his cheeks. "I loved this job and I loved this company. I really did. And now it's just… over. What am I supposed to do now?"  
  
His voice broke at the last sentence and Elliot hugged him even tighter.  
  
"We're going to find a new job," Elliot said softly.  
  
"We? As if anyone would ever employ the two of us together anymore," Tyrell gave back, stubborn like a little child.  
  
"Okay, so we'll find jobs at different companies. That's going to be fine."  
  
"If anyone would ever even hire me again. I'm always going to be the guy who 'couldn't keep it in his pants'."  
  
Elliot couldn't bite back his laughter in time. When it bubbled to the surface, Tyrell regarded him with a frown.  
  
"Sorry, it's just… you're being dramatic, Tyrell. Yes, our time at Evil Corp may be over, but that doesn't mean that no one's ever gonna hire you again. As you always say, it's business. They'll have forgotten about it next week," Elliot explained, pressing a firm kiss to his temple.  
  
"Actually, Colby used to say stuff like that. I don't believe it," Tyrell said. He was still pulling a sad face, but at least he had stopped crying.  
  
"But I do. And if everything else fails, we can always just found our own business together. We're not too old to launch a StartUp."  
  
Tyrell let out a small laugh. "Sure. And what would we call it?"  
  
Elliot took another big sip of the Vodka before he handed it back to Tyrell.  
  
"Maybe… Tyrelliot Corp," he deadpanned.  
  
They started laughing at the same time.  
  
"Tyrelliot? Is that our names mixed together?"  
  
"Yes, I've seen it on the internet," Elliot explained, "it's sort of become a Twitter hashtag."  
  
"That's ridiculous," Tyrell stated, shook his head but kept grinning.  
  
"Maybe. Angela texted me about it earlier, I haven't had time to check it out yet."  
  
"Wait, so you've actually read your text messages yet?" Tyrell asked. Both of their phones had barely stopped ringing ever since they had landed in Berlin a few hours ago.  
  
"Nah, just the most important ones," Elliot gave back, "I got a few from my old colleagues from AllSafe. I ignored those."  
  
"What about your other friends? Didn't they text you? I've seen names light up on my screen from people that haven't texted me in years," Tyrell explained.  
  
"What other friends?" Elliot joked and took another sip. It was kind of sad, 'cause he wasn't really kidding, but he was used to it. He didn't mind being a loner.  
  
"You can have some of mine," Tyrell commented, laughed to take the edge out of it.  
  
"Oh yeah? Like who?"  
  
"Let's see who we've got here," Tyrell mused, fumbled for his phone and unlocked it. "Oh, so far we're at… 14 missed calls, 129 missed texts and 3 voice messages. Oh shit, even my sister and my parents called me. Our news must've traveled all the way to Sweden," he chuckled.  
  
"You have a sister?" Elliot asked. Why was this the first time he heard about this?  
  
"Yes, Freja. She lives in Stockholm. We haven't spoken in a while, actually. She's left me a voicemail, let me just listen to that real quick."  
  
Elliot could figure from Tyrell's confusion that they weren't on good terms. Tyrell raised his phone to listen to her voicemail, but Elliot could hear her cheery voice nonetheless.  
  
"Hey, so, I've seen you on the news and I thought I'd call. I hope you're alright. Well, you're probably not. I'm sorry for all the shit I said the last time we talked. I hope you can forgive me. I'd like it if you would call me back soon. And hey, I'm… I know this is kind of a dick move now, but from the footage of you holding hands in public I'm just going to assume that you broke up with the frigid bitch and… and I hope you're happy with Elliot. I'd like to hear all about it. I promise I won't judge. So, anyways… please call me back. I miss you."  
  
Tyrell let his phone sink to the ground, blinked a few times as if he was holding back tears. Then he laughed softly, shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"If I had known that I'd need a scandal for my little sis to call me, maybe we should've come out earlier," he joked with a lump in his throat.  
  
"Do you want to call her back now?" Elliot asked.  
  
"I will, later. But not now. I guess I should also call back my parents. Even though, last time I checked, my father was pretty homophobic. Hand me that bottle, please."  
  
Elliot did as he was told while Tyrell's eyes were glued to his phone again. He raised the bottle to his lips and drank without flinching.  
  
"Oh, that's funny, I've been added to a group chat," Tyrell said and cleared his throat. "It's called 'Tyrell's fucking scandal' and… jeez, there's over 30 people in it. I didn't know they all knew each other…"  
  
Elliot wondered whether Tyrell was embarrassed by his reaction to his sister's voicemail, judging by the way he tried to change the topic so fast.  
  
"Well, that's nice. This way you don't have to explain yourself to all of them alone, over and over again," Elliot commented.  
  
"Like I have to explain myself to all of my friends," Tyrell scoffed, taking another sip from the Vodka. "You know, we should just take a selfie. Then we can upload it to the Tyrelliot hashtag and tell our own version of the story."  
  
"Like that's gonna help?" Elliot chuckled.  
  
"Everyone's asking me the same damn questions: whether Joanna and I split up, whether I'm in love with you, whether we're a couple now… uploading a selfie of us would save me the time to answer those," Tyrell explained.  
  
"Wait, you're really serious about that?" Elliot asked.  
  
"Kind of, yes."  
  
Tyrell looked at him now, a reassuring smile on his face. "I know you hate social media, but -"  
  
"No 'but'. I hate it. Period. And I'm not happy that half of America apparently knows my face now."  
  
"Alright, no selfie, understood, you buzzkiller."  
  
Tyrell said the last word with a sheepish grin, daring him to protest.  
  
"Say that again," Elliot replied. He attempted to get up on his knees, so he could get close enough to cuff Tyrell in his side, but he stumbled. Apparently he was more drunken than he had thought.  
  
"That all you got?" Tyrell mocked him, couldn't help but laugh at his weak attempt.  
  
"No," Elliot protested. He managed to shuffle closer to his boyfriend. But when Elliot attempted to cuff him, Tyrell dodged to the side and Elliot fell, could barely absorb himself so he didn't end up with a mouth full of sand. Suddenly Tyrell's hands were on him and it took him a second to realize that Tyrell was tickling him. Elliot laughed helplessly and tried to bat his hands away. Very unsuccessful, though. The least he managed was to turn himself on his back and to get ahold of his hands.  
  
"I never knew you were ticklish," Tyrell grinned.  
  
"I'm not," Elliot answered, still out of breath.  
  
"Sure you're not," Tyrell chuckled, "it totally doesn't bother you when I tickle you."  
  
And then he attacked him again. Elliot stood no chance against him; he was faster and stronger than him, not bothered by the alcohol in the slightest. All Elliot could do was endure it.  
  
"Okay, okay, you win," he choked out after a few failed attempts at escaping him. He had laughed so hard that there were tears in his eyes now and was struggling to breathe, even after Tyrell had stopped.  
  
"Sorry. I just really like to see you laughing," Tyrell said.  
  
"That doesn't justify torturing me," Elliot mumbled, tried to stop grinning, but couldn't.  
  
"I think it does," Tyrell resisted. He leaned forward, resting his hand on the ground to support his weight.  
  
Elliot closed his eyes in anticipation to find Tyrell's lips on his, but Tyrell lingered.  
  
"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he whispered.  
  
"No," Elliot gave back.  
  
"Like… like I've been sleepwalking until I met you. Like I've been drowning until we kissed. Like I've been faking my happiness until I laughed with you."  
  
When Elliot opened his eyes, Tyrell was smiling at him.  
  
"Like I've never been my true self until you allowed me to be… me," Elliot added.  
  
"Exactly," Tyrell breathed out.  
  
"I…" Elliot started, but Tyrell pressed their lips together. This was fine, too. Elliot had been left for words, anyway.  


  


|~|

  


"Maybe we should take this home. I have a really warm blanket there," Elliot chuckled.  
  
Tyrell and he had made out for probably the last hour or so; it was hard to keep track of time when he was with Tyrell.  
  
But by now he was just frozen to the bone. Not even the remaining alcohol in his system kept him warm anymore.  
  
"Last I checked, your flat was pretty cold," Tyrell asked, giving him a peck on his nose before he pushed himself up. "But you're right. It's getting late."  
  
Elliot got up as well and brushed off the sand from his clothes. Tyrell gathered the bottle of Vodka and took a lazy drag. It was almost empty by now. Not that it had been full, to begin with - it was the one Tyrell had still had stashed away in his former office. "For emergencies," Tyrell had explained when Elliot had seen it in his bottom drawer of his desk a few months ago. There hadn't been many of them, gladly, only a few late nights when they stayed in late or had been able to celebrate a successful project.  
  
"What?" Tyrell asked.  
  
Elliot blinked. "Huh?"  
  
"You were staring at me," Tyrell explained with a soft smile.  
  
"I was just thinking that you're starting to turn into an alcoholic," Elliot deadpanned.  
  
"Oh, shut up. I'm not. Those are desperate times right now," Tyrell justified himself.  
  
"Sure," Elliot laughed. "I still think I should take that from you. You've had enough."  
  
" _You've_ had enough," Tyrell mocked him.  
  
"That was a really lame middle-school comeback."  
  
Tyrell tried to keep himself from laughing, but a tiny smirk appeared on his lips regardless. Elliot kissed it away.  
  
Until he heard someone shout his name from afar. At first thought, he would've recognized it as Darlene's voice, but that couldn't be true, right? No one knew they were here.  
  
On second thought, the arcade wasn't too far away from them. If she was there, she could have spotted them pretty easily.  
  
And he turned out to be right. Elliot parted from Tyrell and looked behind him. There she was - Darlene came walking toward them, shouting his name a second time.  
  
"That's a weird coincidence," Tyrell commented.  
  
"She probably tracked my phone or something," Elliot answered, the lie slipping easily over his lips.  
  
"Maybe. Anyway, I assume you want to speak to her alone?" Tyrell asked.  
  
"Why do you think that?" Elliot gave back. Did he suspect something?  
  
By now, Darlene was almost in earshot.  
  
"You sounded a bit worried when you talked to her on the phone last night, that's all. Besides, I should get home myself."  
  
"To Joanna?" Elliot asked, managed to keep a straight face. _Calm down. He chose you. He's not going back to her, he tried to reassure himself._  
  
"Yes. There are a couple of things I want to discuss with her. I also need to get my things, since I'm assuming she's going to throw me out. And, if she will allow it, which I don't think, I want to see my son."  
  
"It's alright. I get it," Elliot reassured him. His eyes were fixated on Darlene, who looked a bit silly waddling through the sand.  
  
"You dickheads, you could've come my way, too," she greeted them with an annoyed grimace.  
  
"Sorry," Tyrell answered. "It's nice to see you again, Darlene."  
  
"You couldn't have chosen a warmer hide-out, could you? It's freezing out here," she lamented.  
  
"I was about to call a cab," Tyrell explained.  
  
"Well, I'm not gonna stop you. But if you don't mind, I kinda got a few things I wanna talk to my brother about. Private things."  
  
"Yes, don't worry, I'll get going. Elliot, am I going to see you later?"  
  
"Maybe. Text me when you're done," Elliot answered. He wasn't sure how his talk with Darlene would go over; probably bad, maybe worse. Tyrell's wouldn't be much better off, he supposed. They would both end up feeling miserable tonight; maybe they could drink some more or get high to forget all this shit.  
  
"I will," Tyrell promised. He stepped close to Elliot and pressed a kiss on his forehead, murmured "see you later," and then turned around.  
  
"Sweet to see that you two are sticking together, despite everything that's going on right now," Darlene spoke up when Tyrell was out of earshot. They slowly trailed after him, targeting the Arcade.  
  
"Yeah, about that," Elliot started, "what the fuck, man? Where you out of your mind? You busted me with that video. You can't even begin to understand the mess you've caused."  
  
His anger was rising up faster than he meant to, but suddenly there was only hot, blinding rage.  
  
"Excuse me?" Darlene snapped back. "All of this was your plan, Elliot. I just did as you told me."  
  
"So you really think I told you to expose me with a video? I could barely convince Tyrell that I'm not the snitch, let alone our boss, not that it even mattered in the end."  
  
"Hey, don't put all of this on me, okay? I didn't mean for it to blow up like this," she argued.  
  
"You… you're so full of shit! Of course, you knew this would happen! And what about that stupid website, anyway? You should've told me about it, so I could have had a chance to save my ass, man. We lost our jobs because of that, in case you didn't read it on the news yet," he yelled at her.  
  
"That one really isn't my fault. How could I have known -"  
  
"How could you not?" he interrupted her harshly. "Goddammit, don't you ever think before you do something?"  
  
"Well, maybe if you wouldn't have been so busy, we could've worked out a different tactic. But no, first you were too busy fucking him, then you were too heartbroken and then you suddenly disappeared altogether with him. So when exactly was the right time to talk about this? Should I have asked to set one of your stupid meetings with you?" she snarled.  
  
"You really think I wouldn't have made time for this? Of course, I would have. But I guess you enjoyed playing the leader too much to care about my opinion."  
  
"I am the leader, Elliot, ever since you abandoned FSociety to be with Tyrell! Which was fucking months ago, damn it!"  
  
Elliot stopped dead in his track. They had somehow gotten inside of the arcade; Elliot hadn't really paid much attention to their surroundings.  
  
"That's not true -" he started, but Darlene threw her hands in the air and interrupted him.  
  
"Of course it is. Just admit that he got more important to you than FSociety. In a way, I can't even blame you. Believe me, I'm happy that you worked it out with him, I really am. I always wanted you to be happy."  
  
"Oh, really? Is that why you jeopardized my future with him?"  
  
"It was your idea, asshole!"  
  
"No, it was _his_ ," Elliot argued.  
  
Darlene kicked a chair to her left, letting out a frustrated scream. "But you _are_ him, Elliot!"  
  
 Elliot took a step away from her. He searched for an answer, but Darlene wasn't finished yet.  
  
"How am I supposed to differentiate between you and him? That's just not fucking fair. I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted. But it's not my fault you got fired because you couldn't keep it in your pants."  
  
"That's enough," Elliot cut through.  
  
"Oh, really? Is it?" she mocked him. "Do you think you can just yell at me, accuse me of ruining your life and then get away with it?"  
  
"That's it. I'm done. I should've told you this -"  
  
"Hold on a second - are you really doing what I think you're doing right now? You're quitting on me? Now?"  
  
"Darlene, I -" Elliot tried to explain it, but Darlene wasn't having it. She started laughing, like the fucking maniac she was sometimes.  
  
"I can't believe this. I didn't think you could be this stupid."  
  
"Excuse me?" Elliot asked. From the corner of his eyes, he saw the door open; Trenton slipped in. She smiled when she spotted him, but it quickly fell from her face when Darlene continued to yell at him.  
  
"Do you really think that, just because you're dating one of them now, that Tyrell's suddenly one of the good guys? One of us? That's gotta be a joke. And not a good one, honestly. You've gone completely blind. Or maybe you just turned into one of them. That's it, right? You've seen their world and become a part of it and now you want to spare them, is that it?"  
  
"No, man," Elliot mumbled.  
  
"Darlene, calm down -" Trenton tried to intervene.  
  
"Stay out of this," Darlene snapped at her.  
  
"I never changed my mind about Evil Corp. But we've been fools. We were so blinded by our revolution that we didn't want to realize how pointless it is. Erasing all money? That's not gonna change anything," Elliot stated.  
  
"What are you talking about? Of course, it would change something. It would change everything!" Darlene protested.  
  
"It wouldn't change the fact that they're evil. They're always gonna find a way to fuck us over. That's just how it is."  
  
"Oh, I see. And you think we should just accept it like that? Bow down, take the shit they're throwing at us and suck their dicks? Like you're doing with Tyrell?" Darlene asked, exhaling sharply. She shook her head and walked away from him, sank down on the chair she had kicked away earlier. "I can't believe you. Tyrell did brainwash you -"  
  
"Leave Tyrell out of this, will you? None of this is his fault," he snapped.  
  
"But it is!" Trenton chimed in. When both Elliot and Darlene shot her a look, she flinched and backed away, almost mumbling a "sorry".  
  
"It's not," Elliot repeated, quieter this time. "I just… I don't want any part in this anymore. I'm done."  
  
"Then you're just another coward, like the rest of them," Darlene concluded. Did she think she could hurt him badly enough so he would change his mind? Didn't she know him better than this?  
  
"If you say so. I'm not going to stand in your way. Go and take the lead. I just want to be left alone from this."  
  
"Elliot, we need you here," Trenton answered.  
  
"No," Darlene and Elliot said simultaneously.  
  
"If you want to leave, then leave. But don't come crawling back to me when you've grown bored of Tyrell."  
  
"I won't come back."  
  
"Fine," Darlene snarled.  
  
"Fine," Elliot repeated. With that, he passed the two of them.  
  
When the door of the arcade shut behind him, he was left with a dull sense of… emptiness.  
  
While he had given up on FSociety, his sister had so on him. And now he had lost both.  


  


|~|

  


Tyrell was scared of Joanna.  
  
He had never admitted it before, hadn't dared. Had scoffed at himself when he was nervous about coming home too late, knowing she would be furious at him. Her temper couldn't be more different from his - where he was blind rage and smashing things, she was contempt and cutting words. She knew exactly how to hurt him.  
  
There was no point in hiding the truth anymore. Joanna had always held the power to destroy him. Bit by bit, word by word, she had made use of it. Had toyed with him, only ever just enough so he wouldn't break, but so he would crack just a little bit more every time.  
  
How he detested her now. Six years of his life he had been a puppet to her manipulations. But this was over. In a way, Elliot had saved him. At least he had shown him a different perspective to life, a way out. He had taught him that he could be fine without Joanna's control. That he was in charge of his own life; he didn't need someone else to lead the way.  
  
Nonetheless, his hands were shaking when he pushed his keys into the lock to the front door of Joanna's and his apartment. When the lock didn't budge, he blamed his trembling hands at first. A few tries later the realization hit him like a bullet - she had changed the locks.  
  
So he rang the doorbell, tried to not get the humiliation of being locked out from his home get to him. No answer.  
  
"Joanna?" he called out, knocking and pounding on the door now. Still nothing.  
  
He fumbled for his phone, was about to call her when the door swung open at last.  
  
"Ever so impatient," Joanna commented. "What do you want?"  
  
"I… I wanted to talk," he stammered. Her look on him was cold as ice.  
  
"There's nothing to talk about. From now on all you want to say, you can say to my lawyer," she stated, smiling her perfect smile at him. The smile he had once fallen in love with. The smile that was a reminder of their old times, teasing him now.  
  
He took the time to take her in. Looked at her perfectly painted lips and the way her black dress complimented her figure. Even after all those years, she still amazed him. She was as beautiful as a goddess.  
  
"Please, let me in. Just a minute, that's all I want."  
  
"You don't deserve a minute of my time. I've already wasted too many years on you."  
  
"Please," Tyrell repeated.  
  
There must have been something in his tone that made Joanna reconsider. She stared at him for another few seconds before she sighed wearily and stepped aside.  
  
"Make it quick," she demanded.  
  
"Thank you," he said. When he passed her, he could smell her perfume. She wasn't wearing her usual one, but instead the one she had been using back in the days when they had first started dating. Chanel N°19, if he wasn't mistaken. His heart skipped a beat.    
  
"What is it that you want?" she asked as they entered the living room. "You reek of alcohol."  
  
"I've had the worst day of my life. I think that justifies drinking," Tyrell gave back with a weak chuckle.  
  
"I told you this would happen," she said. While Tyrell sat down on the couch, she went into the kitchen.  
  
"Even you couldn't have predicted this," he answered.  
  
She came back to him with a glass of water, handed it over to him.  
  
"Yes, I could. I tipped you off to the press."  
  
Tyrell stared at her, unblinking. She… what?  
  
"Why? They fired me, Joanna," he stated. Tears suddenly welled up in him again and he sniffled.  
  
"Because you deserved it," she stated smiling. She sat down in an armchair opposite of him and crossed her legs.  
  
"Joanna -" he started, but she cut him off harshly.  
  
"You fucked up everything, everything that we've worked years on to accomplish. You threw everything away for a boy that's unworthy of you. After this kind of misbehavior, you deserved to be punished, Tyrell. I want you to suffer as much as I do."  
  
"Oh, spare me this. You're incapable of feeling. Don't fool yourself," Tyrell snarled. He wanted nothing else but to hurt her, but her smile didn't waver.  
  
"Is that what you think? That I never loved you?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Not never, but… you haven't in a very long time."  
  
Tyrell remembered the many nights he had fallen asleep in their bed without her, because she were god knows where. He remembered the few times they had made love in the last couple of months; how cold those had been, how dead inside he had felt. They had grown apart from each other.  
  
"So what you're saying is, that it's my fault now that you cheated on me? Because I didn't show you my love the way you wanted to?"  
  
"I don't know. Did you…"  
  
"Did I what?" Joanna asked when Tyrell had trailed off, too scared to ask what he really wanted.  
  
"… love me," whispered under his breath, completing his sentence.    
  
"Did I love you? Is that supposed to be a joke?" Joanna chuckled, but her eyes were cold as she looked at him.  
  
"No," Tyrell mumbled, lowering his gaze to the ground.  
  
"Of course I loved you. I still do," she admitted.  
  
_Oh._  
  
He wanted to look at her, wanted to say something, but he didn't dare. Tyrell didn't remember the last time she had told him those three words. Certainly not in the last few months.  
  
"But it's over. You made sure of that. So, it doesn't matter whether I still feel something for you or not. Surely, those feelings will pass over time. Just as yours did -"  
  
"They didn't," he spoke up.  
  
_I haven't stopped loving you. I couldn't._  
  
"Tyrell, what do you expect me to say to that? You've made your choice and I've made mine."  
  
"I know this, Joanna. And I don't intend to change it. I guess I just… wanted you to know that I'm sorry about how it went between us. And that I hope that you can forgive me for what I did, one day."  
  
"Are you saying all of this because you're scared that I'm not going to let you see your son? Because -"  
  
"No," Tyrell interrupted her quickly. "I mean it. I really do."  
  
Joanna nodded slowly and stood up. "I appreciate your apology. But I can't say that I accept it. Not yet."  
  
"I understand," Tyrell responded, getting up as well.  
  
They looked at each other. For a moment, Tyrell could smell her perfume again, was taken back to the moment he had first seen her. How entranced he had been, how much he had wanted to be with her.  
  
And now all of this was over, but he still craved her touch as much as he had on the first day.  
  
He didn't think about it when he pulled her into a hug. He thought she would push him off immediately, but she did the opposite - she pulled him closer, stood on her tiptoes to rest her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Take care of yourself, okay?" Tyrell whispered into her ear. The tears he had tried to fight off now overpowered him, spilling from his eyes like a waterfall.  
  
"You, too," Joanna answered. A bit later, she let go of him.  
  
His heart clenched when he saw that her eyes were red. He let a hand wander around her neck, held the back of her head while he pressed a kiss to her forehead.  
  
"I think you should leave now," she said. "I packed your stuff. It's in the hallway."  
  
"Can I at least see our son before I go?" Tyrell pleaded. The rational part of him knew this was a bad idea, phishing for time like he did now. But the emotional part of him wasn't ready to let go yet. Which was kind of ironic, seeing that he had already let go of her a few weeks ago, when he had abandoned them in Paris.  
  
"He's asleep."  
  
"I'll be quiet, then. Please, _min skat_."  
  
The old nickname slipped out of his mouth before he knew it. Joanna flinched and turned away, backed out of his personal space.  
  
"Be quick. Please don't wake him."  
  
"I won't. Thank you," he answered.  
  
He needed a few tries to turn away. He wanted to hug her again, wanted to promise her that everything was going to be fine.  
  
_You did this to her. You destroyed your family._  
  
When he started to walk up the stairs, Joanna spoke again.  
  
"Tyrell?"  
  
"Yes?" he asked, turning back to her again.  
  
"I hope Elliot's worth it."  
  
Tyrell smiled, sad but honest. "He is."  


  


|~|

  


Elliot had been fighting tears all the way back to his flat. He had debated calling Tyrell, had wanted to hear his voice, knowing it would soothe him, but something had held him back.  
  
Maybe the realization that he had just given his sister up for him. He hadn't meant to. How could he have known that she would cut all ties with him just because he wanted to quit FSociety? Elliot had thought they were stronger than this.  
  
Apparently, he just wasn't that important to Darlene, then. FSociety was all that had mattered to her.  
  
Elliot imagined Mr. Robot saying, "so what, we don't need her!" to him now. Mr. Robot, the only constant in his life. The only one who wouldn't leave him. The one who might have been able to comfort him, but rather chose to stay away. Probably because he didn't approve of him leaving FSociety. Maybe this was his way of punishing him - by abandoning him as well.  
  
As he arrived at the main entrance to the building he lived in, his hands found his phone and pressed the right buttons to call Tyrell. He sat down on the stairs, lit up a cigarette and waited for him to pick up.  
  
Only that he didn't.  
  
"This is Tyrell Wellick. I can't be reached at the moment. In case of an emergency, leave a message."  
  
Elliot forgot to hang up before the beep-tone, so when it came, he was left for words.  
  
"Uhm, hey, it's me, Elliot. I… I thought you wanted to call me or… text me when you're done with Joanna. I'm… I'm kind of not in a good situation right now. I could… you know, if you want to come over and get high, that'd be cool. Not that you have to get high, though, it's just, that's what I'm gonna do now. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that… I'd like to see you. Call me back. Okay… bye."  
  
He cringed when he hang up. How stupid had that been? He had acted like a needy puppy.  
  
If Tyrell wanted to see him, he'd call. Probably. Maybe he was as fucked as Elliot was; surely his talk with Joanna had been equally bad as the other ones they've had before. Not that Tyrell had wanted to talk about Joanna, not at all. He had never wanted to do so.  
  
Sighing, Elliot snubbed the cigarette out on the concrete and stood up. While he climbed the stairs to his flat, he debated texting Tyrell… but that would be kind of clingy, right? Kind of pathetic. He wasn't that dependent on him.  
  
He could hear Shayla's laughter and the thumping of music when he arrived on his floor. Her door was left ajar, so he just went ahead and opened it. He didn't have any weed left at his place and if he was lucky, he could steal a bit alcohol as well.  
  
"Elliot! There you are!" Shayla exclaimed when he entered her flat. She was sitting in her armchair, a joint in her hand and her feet up on the couch table. But she wasn't alone. Tyrell sat on the couch opposite of her.  
  
"What the hell?" he murmured when he looked at their smiling faces.  
  
"It's so good to have you back, I've missed you so much!" she went on, got up and pulled him into a hug. He flinched, so she quickly let go of him.  
  
"I just called you," Elliot said to Tyrell.  
  
"Oh? I'm sorry, my phone's set to silent mode," Tyrell explained, then patted on the sofa next to him. "Come sit down."  
  
"Yes, Elliot, come sit with us! We've been waiting for you," Shayla spoke up.    
  
"Actually, I -" he started, meant to tell Shayla that he'd rather be alone with Tyrell, so he could hug him and maybe even allow himself to cry, but Shayla wasn't having it.  
  
"You look like shit, dude. You're definitely getting a refill on the house. Here, let me hook you up… are you still going without suboxone? Because, and you can high-five me for that in a moment, I managed to get my hands on a few pills! Aren't I just amazing?" she chuckled.  
  
"That's cool, but I quit the morphine," Elliot gave back. God, why did have Tyrell have to be here right now? This didn't add up.  
  
"You did? That's great! I'm so proud of you," Shayla exclaimed, would've hugged him again if he wouldn't have backed away from her.  
  
"Thanks," Elliot answered, managed to smile at her.  
  
"Molly, then? Gosh, I'm so happy you're off the morphine. Means I can stop seeing Vera and believe me, that dude's been creeping me out quite a lot lately. Kept going on about how he wants to marry me and some shit."  
  
"If you want, I can make sure that he's not going to bother you again?" Tyrell chimed in. Elliot couldn't tell whether he referred to have him beaten up, murdered or arrested. You could never know with him.  
  
"Oh, look at you, Elliot, you've got yourself quite the protective boyfriend now. I appreciate it, Tyrell, but I'm good. I'll keep it in mind, though" she said to him and they smiled at each other. How long had those two been hanging out? Had they really suddenly become friends without him? That was… weird. Elliot couldn't see Tyrell and Shayla hang out. They had nothing in common.  
  
"So, anyway," Shayla started and plunged back onto the armchair. He didn't have a choice but to sit down, too, didn't he? Tyrell didn't look like he wanted to leave anytime soon. "Tyrell's been telling me all about your amazing trip to Berlin. You really went ice-skating?"  
  
He climbed over Tyrell's legs and sat down next to him. Only now did he spot Flipper, who was curled up in front of the window. Elliot went to grab her and settled next to Tyrell again, now with her in his lap. She stirred, didn't quite wake from the intrusion but merely cuddled up to him.  
  
"I didn't have a choice," Elliot answered Shayla. She offered him a joint, so he leaned forward to grab it and  inhaled a drag.  
   
"That's not true," Tyrell complained chuckling.  
  
"It is. At least you got what you deserved when that teenager ran you over," Elliot gave back. A smile crept on his face now. Tyrell's half-annoyed and half-adoring look as well as the molly had an immediate effect on him - he almost forgot about the breakup with Darlene. Almost.  
  
"That was not fair, älskling, and you know it. At least it made you laugh," Tyrell said.  
  
"Yeah, well… I was happy, then," Elliot mumbled. _Can't say that about me now._  
  
"What's there to be sad about? You ended up with Mr. Rich-Suits-Guy," Shayla chuckled. She was probably high as a kite - she usually wasn't that insensitive.  
  
"What did you just call me?" Tyrell asked her, laughing too hard about it. It hadn't been that funny, really. Was he high, too?  
  
"You heard me," Shayla smirked at him. "It's been your nickname for a while. Like, when I've ran into you two making out a while ago. Since then. I think…"  
  
"You and Elliot talked about me?" Tyrell probed, a cheeky grin on his face now.  
  
"Sure we did," Shayla told him and winked at Elliot.  
  
God, he needed to get out of here. He couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't pretend any longer.  
  
"Sorry, but I'm just… I'm just gonna leave now," he mumbled and got up, still carrying Flipper in his arms.  
  
"What?" Tyrell and Shayla asked simultaneously.  
  
"I'm off to bed," Elliot stated.  
  
"Want me to come with you?" Tyrell asked, raising an eyebrow at him, probably in an attempt to look seductive. Elliot scoffed before he shook his head.  
  
"I'd rather be alone."  
  
Not true; he would very much like for Tyrell to come along, but not like this.  
  
Elliot passed him and opened the front door.  
  
"Are you sure?" Tyrell asked again.  
  
_Of course not._  
  
He slipped out of the flat and fumbled for his own keys. He could barely hold his tears in long enough to open the door to his own apartment.  
  
"Are you stupid or what? Go after him," Elliot heard Shayla's muffled voice before he entered.  
  
He left the door slightly ajar, so Tyrell could slip in after him.  
  
His flat wasn't as empty as he had left it. A bunch of suitcases and boxes he didn't recognize were lying on the floor.  
  
"Do you plan to move in?" Elliot asked his boyfriend when he had closed the door behind him.  
  
"No, of course not. It's just temporary," Tyrell answered.  
  
Elliot's eyes fell on another item in here that wasn't his - a heart-shaped lighter.  
  
_Darlene._  
  
_Oh god, what have I done?_  
  
That's when Elliot couldn't hold it in any longer. Tears spilled from his eyes and sobs escaped his mouth.  
  
Tyrell pulled him in a hug. He was shaking as hard as Elliot did. Only when he heard his ragged breath, he noticed that Tyrell was crying, too.  
  
In this moment, they both realized what they had lost… all so that they could be together. Right now, that felt like a pretty bad deal.  


  


|~|

  


There wasn't much to say, so neither of them spoke. There were content with listening to each other breathe.  
  
Elliot had his head bedded on Tyrell's chest, while Tyrell pressed his lips to his hair. From time to time, Tyrell felt his boyfriend shudder, heard the sharp intake of breath, which he then tried to hold in for a while, as if that could stop himself from sobbing.  
  
It broke his heart.  
  
Elliot hadn't said a word about what happened between him and Darlene. Tyrell wanted to know what had gone down, but he knew better than to pry. Elliot wasn't one to talk about his problems. So he did the only thing he could: hold him tight and whisper soothing words every now and then.  
  
Until Elliot spoke up.  
  
"Do you regret it?" he whispered. He didn't look up to Tyrell, rather buried his face in his shirt.  
  
"What do you mean?" Tyrell gave back, playing dumb on purpose. He should've asked "which part do you mean?", but that would imply that there was something to regret. Which was true, but Elliot didn't have to know about that.  
  
"You know exactly what I mean," Elliot croaked.  
  
"I… Well, I suppose it's safe to say that I wish things would have went down differently."  
  
"I guess so," Elliot snorted.  
  
"Nevertheless, I'm glad I have you," Tyrell added.  
  
"Are you sure about that?" Elliot mumbled.  
  
Tyrell couldn't believe his ears. "Of course."  
  
"If you could, you wouldn't trade me in for your job again?"  
  
Tyrell hesitated before he answered. Not because he wasn't sure of his answer, but because the image of the two of them at ECorp appeared in front of his eyes.  
  
Them, happy and open about their relationship at work, not having to hide anymore but… without the obvious hatred their colleagues had shown them earlier today. He saw them drive to work together and holding hands in the hallway. Instead of stolen kisses in his office, Tyrell envisioned kissing him without a care, where and whenever he wanted to. In the office kitchen, in the cafeteria, hell, even in front of Jensen's disapproving eyes. And then he'd regard him with the same smug grin that Jensen had shown him too often in the past weeks. Instead of being his assistant, Elliot would become the man at his side at office parties. Maybe they would slow-dance together and laugh when they stepped on each others feet, too drunk to care about what anyone might say.  
  
"No, of course not," Tyrell answered when the images faded from his eyes.  
  
Too late, apparently. Elliot shuffled away from him and turned around to the other side, facing his desktop now.  
  
"You do realize that you were the one who started this affair, right? It's not my fault," Elliot stated.  
  
"Oh, so all of this is my fault now? Thank you, I really appreciate that," Tyrell shot back.  
  
"It's the truth."  
  
"You're making this really easy for yourself now. If I remember correctly, you kissed me first."  
  
"Are we back at this topic again?" Elliot sighed, "I only did it because you wanted it."  
  
"What's your deal now? None of this should matter anymore. I don't want to fight with you." Tyrell made an effort to keep his voice calm, despite the anger that was rising up.  
  
"Neither do I. I just don't want you to blame me for everything."  
  
"I never said I blame you."  
  
"Good."  
  
Silence settled between them.  
  
Tyrell knew there had to be more behind his words than he wanted to admit. Maybe he felt guilty because Tyrell had lost everything he had cared about. Maybe it was something Mr. Robot had said to him.  
  
He didn't know. But yes, even if Elliot might have been the one to induce their affair through their first kiss all those months ago in his flat, he wouldn't blame him. It was Tyrell who went after him all those times afterwards. He could've waved it off as an "accident", a slip-up, something that had happened out of desperation. But he hadn't wanted to. And now they were here, after all this time.  
  
Falling for Elliot hadn't been his plan, but neither had been to lose… well, all else.  
  
Tears spilled from his eyes again. Helvete, he had turned into a real crybaby.  
  
"I'm sorry, Elliot. I hadn't meant for any of this to happen. I hadn't meant to end up as such a… failure," he whispered.  
  
Elliot turned back to him and shuffled closer again, wrapping his arms around him. Tyrell buried his face in Elliot's shirt now, slung his arms around him as well.  
  
"I know you deserve better than me. Surely you hadn't intended to be with such a loser. I… I would understand if I'm not the man you fell for anymore."  
  
That's how it had always been; people fell for him because of his success and as soon as he lost some of his achievements, they abandoned him. This was what happened with Joanna, after all, way before the affair.  
  
He was a failure. Deep down, he knew. But he fought this, fought it by working harder and harder, until another promotion smothered that knowledge for a week or so.  
  
"That's… funny. Actually, I always think the same thing about me," Elliot remarked.  
  
Tyrell snorted. "Isn't that great?"  
  
"It truly is. Believing that everyone hates you and you're not worth shit, yeah, that's a really great feeling," Elliot deadpanned.  
  
He looked up and shuffled back so he could press their lips together.  
  
"For what it's worth, I know a few people who don't hate you. And you're worth the world," Tyrell whispered.  
  
"To you, maybe. That's because you're an idiot."  
  
"I'm an idiot?" Tyrell chuckled, kissing him once more.  
  
"Yes. A really big idiot," Elliot smirked.  
  
"Well, if loving you makes me an idiot, then I guess it's true."  
  
"Oh, stop it with the sappiness," Elliot gave back, rolling his eyes.  
  
"You love me when I'm sappy."  
  
"I really don't. It's annoying as fuck."  
  
"Oh, is that right? So tell me why…" Tyrell pressed his body against Elliot's, cupping his erection through his sweatpants, "it is that my sappiness gave you a boner?"  
  
"It's… Stockholm-Syndrome, probably," Elliot answered quickly, hissing at Tyrell's touch.  
  
"Do you even know what that is?" Tyrell laughed, letting his hands slip under Elliot's shirt now.  
  
"'Course," Elliot gave back. He closed his eyes and leaned forward to kiss him again.  
  
"As if," Tyrell mumbled. He pulled Elliot's shirt over his head and his own followed very quickly.  
  
"Shut up, _babe_."  


  


|~|

  


Elliot was woken up by the rapid beeping of his phone indicating new text messages. Fuck off, he thought, debated to throw it against a wall.  
  
His lower back ached when he fumbled for his phone. His mattress was in no way up to the standard that he had enjoyed in the Sheraton the last days. Did Tyrell always had this kind of pain after he stayed overnight at his place? Maybe he should invest in a real bed. Maybe Tyrell would even pay for it; that thought almost made him grin. Not that he needed the donation, though. He had enough savings to keep his head over-water, especially now that he had lost his job.  
  
"Shut it off," Tyrell groaned next to him, pulling the blanket over his head. As a result, Elliot was left exposed and shivering.  
  
"I'm trying," Elliot gave back. He opened one eye to orientate himself in his flat and found his phone on the floor next to him. Before he turned it off, he glanced at his messages. His heart skipped a beat when he recognized Darlene's number.  
  
She was texting him? After their goodbye yesterday? Was this for real or was he hallucinating this?  
  
He sat up straight and opened their chat.  
  
'set this up to save your asses. you're welcome.'  
  
And then there was a link attached. For a second, the thought of her sending him a virus shot through his mind.  
  
"What's up?" Tyrell asked, sitting up next to him now.  
  
"I don't know yet," he gave back truthfully. Tyrell looked over his shoulder and on his phone.  
  
"That's got our names in the URL. Why don't you open it?"  
  
_Why don't you stop looking at my phone without my permission?_ Elliot almost snarled back. Tyrell should know better by now.  
  
He kept his mouth shut, tried to keep his breath calm to prevent the anxiety attack that was rising up. "Because it might be a virus," he answered eventually.  
  
"From your sister? Come on, she wouldn't do that. Just open it."  
  
_You don't know the half of it._  
  
Elliot shot him a look of annoyance, but obeyed when his curiosity got the better of him.  
  
It wasn't a virus.    
  
But he still couldn't quite believe his eyes. It was… a petition? Headlined: "Reinstall Wellick + Alderson - stop homophobia at ECorp!"  
  
"Is this a joke?" Tyrell scoffed, probably furrowing his eyebrows right now. Elliot didn't reply, but rather read the description of Darlene's petition.  
  
  
**Reinstall Wellick + Alderson - stop homophobia at ECorp!**  
_Imagine this: you're part of the LGBT community, but happen to work in one of the most homophobic and biased industries of the world - tech._  
_Coming out is always a tough subject, especially when you're in a high-ranking position. But while that might be terrifying on it's own, imagine what it's like to be forcibly outed by a group of idiots who choose to hack the company you're working for. And then, to top it off - get fired by said company because of it, right along with the co-worker you've fallen for._  
_Sounds pretty shitty, right? But this is another one of the fallouts that came with the hack of ECorp, which occurred a few days ago by the group called 'FSociety'. The victims: Tyrell Wellick, Senior Vice President of Technology and Elliot Alderson, his assistant. Surely you've heard about those two. Their love story has been torn apart by the media after their chat history and various private photos have been released through the website www.exposingecorp.com (also set up by 'FSociety' after the previously mentioned hack)._  
_It's bad enough to be outed against your will and thus, opening a stream of homophobic bullying to come your way. Because of that, a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy has kept millions of members of the LGBT community in the closet for decades._  
_But even if all the big companies nowadays claim to be so "diverse" and "inclusive", the reaction of ECorp to the relationship of Wellick and Alderson is proof that those claims are nothing but lies._  
_It's time to put an end to it._  
_By reinstating Wellick and Alderson, ECorp can prove that their words aren't empty. A company of their size should protect their employees from bullying instead of contributing to it._  
_ECorp - you can do better. So prove it. Reinstate Tyrell Wellick and Elliot Alderson._  
_Sign today to show them that we're not backing down anymore!_  
_Stop homophobic bullying at the workplace! Make tech diverse again!_  
  
  
"This is bullshit," Elliot mumbled after he had finished reading.  
  
His stomach wouldn't stop flipping and he could see his fingers tremble around his phone. Fuck. Another action she hadn't asked him about. Surely she must have known how much he loathed it. He wasn't the person to ask others for help, much less to beg them for their compassion. What a desperate cry for help. Desperate and useless, worse of all. This wouldn't mean anything. If she really believed that their ex-bosses cared about such things like petitions against their actions, she was a fool.  
  
"Well, that bullshit has over one hundred thousand signings," Tyrell commented.  
  
"And you believe that? Are you really that naive?" Elliot shot back. "Those signings are really easy to fake. We used to pull shit like this to test how dumb people can be. They really believe everything as long as they see that others believe it as well."  
  
"Yes, I know that. Which is exactly why it's going to work for us," Tyrell stated with confident smile.  
  
_Oh god, not this one_ , Elliot thought when he glanced at him. He locked his phone and put it back on the floor before he crawled back under the blanket.  
  
"Don't you get it?" Tyrell probed when Elliot didn't answer. "This could really lead to something. Evil Corp can't afford another shitstorm accusing them of homophobia. They had intended to sweep this under the rug, but now that's impossible."  
  
"So what? They're just gonna throw a charity for LGBT youth or donate to PFLAG or some stuff like that. They didn't fire us because we're in love, they fired us because we caused the hack and fucked during work hours," Elliot remarked.  
  
Tyrell's smile turned into a smirk. "So? That's not what the public thinks, apparently."  
  
He got up and started to pace across the room, while Elliot groaned and pulled the blanket over his face.  
  
"This isn't the public, Tyrell," he answered, his voice muffled. “It's not real."  
  
"I know, Elliot, I was listening to you," Tyrell gave back, raising his arms in the air. "But that doesn't matter. As soon as the media picks up on that, it will be real. The press loves a tragic love story and as it happens to be, that would be us now. The heat and pressure that this new shitstorm will put on them will get us our jobs back, just wait. Philip and Scott will listen to their PR department in this crisis. Which will convince them to get us back, believe me. The head of PR happens to like me, as it is."  
  
Elliot knew better than to interrupt his boyfriend. He had talked himself into a rage, even if it was all bullshit. Well, maybe not bullshit. He could be right, but… he sounded so hopeful. There was that glimmer in his eyes which Elliot hadn't seen in a long time. It was that kind of happiness that came with projects being successful and receiving a 'well done' from the Execs; the kind that caused him to get the champagne from the bottom drawer of his desk and to open it with a laugh, always resulting in great sex on his office couch.  
  
He remembered Tyrell's words he said yesterday. "I loved this job and I loved this company. I really did. And now it's just… over. What am I supposed to do now?"  
  
Afterwards they had talked about founding a new company, Tyrelliotcorp. Sure, it had been kind of a joke to cheer the both of them up, but all of a sudden, Elliot saw all the possibilities that came with this option.  
  
He envisioned them working from home, in a cozy apartment that belonged to just the two of them. He saw Tyrell sitting at a mahogany desk similar to the one of his former office while he himself was chilling on a couch, his feet up on a table and coding on his laptop. They could either work side by side or at their preferred times; Tyrell in the morning with Elliot still sleeping from his late-night session. Tyrell would wake him up sometime around midday and they would maybe even cook together instead of ordering take-out. During lunch, Tyrell would proudly tell him all about the things he had already achieved in the last couple of hours while Elliot would tell him about his progress of last night.  
  
What could they work on together? They could program some kind of app, maybe dive into the VR business that was skyrocketing these days. Or Blockchain and crypto-currency; he knew Tyrell kept tabs on that development.  
  
Their differences wouldn't be a problem for that. Tyrell could do all the smooth-talking for investors and clients, comfortable in his own skin and without Elliot having to tag along. Contrary to Tyrell, he believed that it would be possible to make a name for themselves. The both of them were ambitious and hard-working enough. They'd probably dive right in, drop their social lives (not that Elliot had had a social life) and work overtime to achieve their goal. He had trust in them, especially as a team. With just the two of them, there would be no annoying boss to hold them back or snarky co-workers who wanted to see them fail.  
  
In the few seconds that Elliot had allowed himself to dream of such a future, Tyrell had grabbed his own phone and was typing away on it. Knowing him, he was probably anonymously sending that damn petition to the press.  
  
"Do you really want to go back?" Elliot spoke up, but he already knew the answer.  
  
"Of course," Tyrell answered, not bothering to look up from his phone. "It would be dumb to turn it down when they choose to offer it again."  
  
"You're talking as if that has already happened. Which it hasn't, in case you didn't notice."  
  
"It will happen," Tyrell answered., stepping towards him and looking up. "Elliot, can't you see? We've talked about this. It will be impossible to find another job so quick after this fallout." Elliot winced. There was the answer to the question he hadn't dared to ask.  
  
"It will really help our reputation if our last bosses realize that they made a mistake in firing us. Once they're offering it, I'm going to accept."  
  
Tyrell paused. Elliot saw the contradiction on his face, watched him hesitate in adding another sentence and debating whether it would hurt him. Did he know how transparent he was for Elliot? He didn't want to hear it. But Tyrell said it nonetheless.  
  
"Either of us should decide on their own. But I will go back to Evil Corp, with or without you."


End file.
